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As someone who’s written about the mother-daughter relationship and possibilities for estrangement, I’ve been asked by fellow mental health professionals about the books I’d recommend for those who want to specialize in working with adult daughters, mothers, or both mothers and daughters. Here are seven books that may be helpful in seeking this specialty:
1. Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents
This book applies to both mothers and fathers and explores parent-child relationship dynamics where parents are distant, self-involved, or rejecting. It is geared towards adult children seeking answers on why their parents weren’t involved in childhood, including how to heal from attachment trauma.
2. Difficult Mothers, Adult Daughters
Filled with tools and journal prompts to support boundaries, detachment from mother, and self-discovery, this book has been well-received by adult daughters seeking independence from mom.
A book focused on generational trauma and expectations passed from mothers to daughters, the mother-daughter history taking exercise is a powerful mapping of patterns and feminine disempowerment to support change.
4. Discovering the Inner Mother
With terms of mother-wound and re-mothering showing up more often in pop psychology, this book explores the history of patriarchy and disempowerment of women as contributing factors to mother wounds.
An eye-opener for folks, including therapists focused on trauma work! Exploring family trauma and generational trauma, this book provides clarity on healing from systemic and family systems perspectives.
Published in March 2023, this book talks about four traps adult daughters can find themselves in with their (narcissistic, borderline, or difficult) mothers and provides tools to help daughters detach in healthy ways. With an emphasis on the adult daughter not expecting mom to change, it focuses on reframes and behavioral shifts daughters can embrace to live healthier lives.
7. Understanding Ruptured Mother-Daughter Relationships
This is my book, published in June 2023. Referencing all of the sources listed above, this book focuses on the factors that contribute to estrangement between mothers and daughters, with a focus on the adult daughter’s experience. From lenses of attachment, abuse, neglect, and trauma, it introduces stages an adult daughter may experience as part of the Estrangement Energy Cycle and tools clinicians can introduce to support their process.
Although this is by no means an exhaustive list, there is plenty to review when wanting to help mothers, daughters, or the mother-daughter relationship. I welcome your sharing of other books you’ve found helpful along the way and hope you’ll stay in touch!