The Human in the Helper: I was too busy to feel anything

Keiko is pursuing her doctorate in social work. When she’s not serving mothers and women in her private practice, she enjoys spending time with her two children. Although Keiko has big goals for herself, they were accelerated after her diagnosis with breast cancer in her late 30s. She shared how she and her doctor caught it at an early stage, but it was happening at the same time she’d joined a group practice and was building her caseload. “How do I deal with this?” Keiko reflected, “there’s no good time to have cancer.”

Keiko understood that as a small business owner, she couldn’t take time off or slow down without the risk of lost income. “I think I was in shock at first, then I was too busy to feel anything.” She recalls how she focused on making each doctor appointment and continuing to work. “I had to wait 1.5 months to get answers on what my treatment was going to be.”

After that stressful waiting period, Keiko was told she would undergo radiation and hormone treatments, but not chemotherapy. She elected to not tell her clients what was going on, especially as she was still unclear of the outcomes. “I didn’t want to worry them or have them caregive me as the result, “ she shared. Keiko also recognized some survivor’s guilt in her experience. “I didn’t go through the same process (chemo) as them, I can’t be glad in front of them.”

What helped Keiko most was doing her own therapy work with an oncology psychotherapist. “Cancer is weird, it was nice to work with someone who understands it.” She was grateful to connect with peers and cancer survivors as well, who continue to give her hope for her future.  Keiko has spent time reflecting on her priorities. “I want to see my children graduate, get married, and live happy lives.” So she evaluated her next steps and decided to pursue a doctorate in social work. “We think cancer equals death, and that’s not true.” Keiko is hopeful that her story will inspire others to fight cancer and pursue their passions. “It’s almost like having cancer can make us think, ‘let’s do this,’ giving us permission to do the things we want to do.”

Things happen to us as humans, even as we support our clients as professional helpers. Do you have a story you want to share the mental health community? Email us at croswaitecounselingpllc@gmail.com to learn more about the Human in the Helper Series!

The Human in the Helper: I felt like my life had been thrown in a blender

Michelle is known in her community for helping colleagues become CE providers because she believes in what they have to share, she recognizes the freedom course creation brings, and she wants colleagues to have additional income streams. She is also known for her fun glasses and for being a breast cancer survivor. “I was diagnosed in January 2020.” Michelle describes a moment in her life that was sheer terror as she waited for official results. She recalls the experience as being told there was something abnormal and that they were pretty sure what it was, but required two weeks to formally confirm. “I would rather go back to chemo than relive those two weeks of hell.”

Michelle wasn’t sleeping. She felt dissociated. Her heart rate stayed high, even when trying to sleep. Her daughter kept waking up in the middle of the night worried and finding reasons to engage her mom to make sure she was okay. Michelle struggled with what to tell her clients. “I feel bad for the clients in that waiting period, I showed up the best I could.” It’s understandable that Michelle had a hard time being present as she waited for the game plan for fighting her cancer, which ended up being a very aggressive type of breast cancer with the worst prognosis. “I notified my clients about needing two weeks off to address my medical care.”

Once she had her plan, which included chemo, surgery, and radiation, Michelle focused on referring out her newest clients and her acute clients to other providers. “It was hard to make those calls while also trying to take care of myself.” Michelle kept clients she’d had longer on her caseload, who also had more rapport for this next season of her life. Then she experienced the pandemic shutdown. “It was sort of a blessing to move to working from home. I had lost my hair, I was wearing a wig.” She moved everyone to online and tried to keep up with her medical appointments.

Another challenge Michelle faced was maintaining boundaries around her cancer treatment with clients who were worried. “I let them know there was going to be a boundary and set the timer for five minutes. They could ask me anything they wanted regarding my cancer and treatment, but once the timer was up, it was back to being focused on them.” Michelle reports this worked well for clients. Some only wanted to know that she was okay, while others had more detailed questions to ask. She navigated this dynamic with her clients through ten months of treatment.

Michelle is in good health now, and has had time to reflect on her process. “I wish there was more support in our community for things like this.” She described wanting a way to notify a trusted colleague when awful things happen, someone who could make the calls and outreach the clients when their therapist has to pause or regroup. Michelle felt this need again when she got the call at the end of a client session that her father had died. “How do we let people know when life things happen? We worry about client abandonment. We worry about liability.” Until a tool that supports this communication is created, Michelle has some other ideas for colleagues. “Be gentle with colleagues online. We don’t know the whole story as to why they didn’t show up, why they didn’t call back. They could be going through something.” She hopes that mental health professionals can support connection and community with one another, two things that feel so important when coming back from crises that happen in our lives. We couldn’t agree more.

Things happen to us as humans, even as we support our clients as professional helpers. Do you have a story you want to share the mental health community? Email us at croswaitecounselingpllc@gmail.com to learn more about the Human in the Helper Series!