teens

Self-Harm vs. Suicidal Behavior: What Clinicians Need to Know

A common question in our community is about the connection between self-harm and suicide. Self-harm, also known as Non-Suicidal Self Injury (NSSI), is defined in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5) as relational and coping. Self-harm as a means for suicide can be described as one of eight possible reasons for engaging in self-harming behaviors. Dr. Jack Klott discusses the eight reasons in detail in his online series, Suicide and Self-Harm: Stopping the Pain as:

 

1.     Emotion regulation or coping-i.e. to calm the senses  

 

2.     Self-punishment- i.e. “I deserve to hurt.”

 

3.     Psychosis-i.e. command hallucinations to harm self

 

4.     Response to anxiety and depression- i.e. to bring back into body, to feel something, to express internal pain

 

5.     Peer influence- i.e. they said it worked for them

 

6.     Body dysphoria- i.e. I need to alter my body to feel more like myself

 

7.     Isolation and abandonment- i.e. expressing pain

 

8.     Suicide rehearsal- i.e. intention to die

 

For teens today, any of these eight possibilities could apply. Although each person has their reasons for engaging in self harm, more and more teens are going to their peers and the internet for answers on how to handle the stress they face in academics, relationships, and more. 

For 12-year-old Savannah, for example, self-harm patterns in her life are the result of a friend saying it helped them cope, therefore encouraging Savannah to explore if self-harm would have the same results for her as a coping strategy. 

 

What and Where?

 So what does self-harm look like for today’s youth? In the clinical arena, we are tracking trends in behaviors that have been socialized and publicized to some degree, like the Tide Pod Challenge of 2018 and the Salt-Ice Challenge of 2012. According to the Mayo Clinic, self-harm can be defined as any behavior that is self-inflicted, deliberate, and results in injury. Examples could be scratching, cutting, burning, hitting, and rubbing the skin until it’s damaged, as is the result of using an eraser on the skin. As more awareness is built around self-harm, the once typical locations of arms and legs may be seen as too noticeable to the public eye by individuals who feel a sense of judgement or shame after having engaged in self-harm behaviors. Therefore the clinical community is now tracking self-harm that appears more subtle when expressed on the human body, such as locations that are easier to cover up or hide from others, including but not limited to armpits, torso, upper thighs, and between toes. 

Curiosity and Compassion

Engaging youth in exploration as to what purpose the behavior serves can bring context and understanding to their reasons for engaging in repeat self-harming behaviors. It can also help professionals, family, and friends identify appropriate responses to self-harm in order to best support of the person they are trying to help. Asking questions from a neutral, curious place can clarify a youth’s choice for self-harm as it relates to risks for suicide. 

 Examples of how to ask:

“What purpose does this serve for you?” 

“What do you get from engaging in self-harm?” 

“What was your intention when engaging in self-harm?” 

For example, after being encouraged by her peers, 12-year-old Savannah states that she scratched her arm repeatedly in trying to cope with an internal, painful experience. This disclosure may feel very different in how a professional would respond to safety needs in comparison to the experience of 22-year-old Taylor, who reports he was hoping he would get an infection as the result of self-harm and die.

Harm-Reduction Model

Self-harm can be considered a precursor and risk factor for suicide, which is why it is important to explore a person’s experience and purpose for engaging in self-harm behaviors. Best practice continues to be a Harm Reduction Model when it comes to addressing self-harm behaviors, which means working alongside the person to identify other coping skills that could be utilized prior to self-harm with the hope of the urge dissipating as time passes and other strategies are utilized. The peak of strong emotions and stress is best described as the bell curve, where once a person in distress reaches the peak and start moving back to baseline—possibly out of fatigue or exhaustion—individuals who have historically engaged in self-harm report they are less likely to engage in the behavior in feeling less of a pull to do so.

 

Coping skills that can reduce the intensity and frequency of self-harm should be unique and individualized to each person. Returning to 12-year-old Savannah, for example, with therapeutic support, she has identified that she is looking for external expression of internal pain. Therefore, the primary theme for Savannahs’ safety plan would be to support her in identifying other ways to express that pain. For some youth, just the sight of damaged skin or blood is sufficient to shift or alleviate their current state of pain. For these individuals, a mental health professional might work with them to try fake blood applied to their body where they feel the urge to self-harm, or other expressions such as henna tattooing or doodling. 

 

For individuals who report that the pain response is the key element that quiets their internal system, other means can be introduced that reduce the risk of injury or infection. For example, perhaps a mental health counselor introduces a rubber band for youth to snap their own wrist, a frozen washcloth to pull apart that results in intense cold and stinging without injury, or introduces Icy-Hot for the tingling sensation on their skin. Again, each person’s Harm Reduction Plan should be catered to their needs in support of reducing self-harm behavior by means of how often they engage in the behavior and reducing methods that increase suicide risk.

 

Engaging Adolescents and Caregivers in Family Therapy

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“Do I have to do family therapy?”

Yep, that's such a common question I get from my adolescent clients at the start of therapy. Here are some other common questions and statements a therapist may receive in regards to parents and caregivers being a part of an adolescent's therapy process:

"So how much are you going to tell my parents?"

"I hate these family things; i just feel so awkward."

"Do I have to be in the room when you talk to my mom/dad/guardian?"

“I’ll talk to you, but I will not talk to my parents about this!”

“Why try, nothing is going to change!”

“They/she/he just doesn’t understand me.”

 

Do any of these sound familiar in your therapeutic work?

When reflecting on these common initial responses and questions about family therapy, it has been my professional experience that I see a clear pattern of fear, lack of trust and shame arise as barriers to adolescents getting their needs met by their caregivers. Additionally, many adolescents seem to have a common misunderstanding (and caregivers too) that family therapy is about pointing fingers and being the “problem” of the family. So with this in mind, I’m excited to share some strategies I use to build rapport, connection and trust with adolescents to empower them in engaging with caregivers in family therapy.

1) Be Transparent! In other words, BE REAL with your client. Adolescents are smart, clever and can read through any BS or tip-toeing going on in the room. I give them the direct and transparent version of confidentiality and expectations of what therapy entails. 

“I know you may or may not be wanting to communicate certain things with parents, but I want you to know what I must report immediately. Any safety concern including suicidal ideation/planning, abuse, neglect, witness to violence, and self-injury must be reported to caregivers or appropriate authorities. With that being said, there may be things that come up that you are not open to sharing but would be beneficial to do so in order to get your needs met from your parents/guardians. When this happens, I want you to know I will challenge but not force you, and together we can figure out the best way to schedule a family session around it when you are ready.”

 

2) Build trust immediately: I know this one is a given, but I start with every first session letting my adolescent client know that I don’t expect them to trust me right away in an effort to ease any tension or pressure someone might feel.

“I want you to know that I don’t expect you to trust me right away. Trust takes time and is earned so that’s exactly what we are going to do. We will take time to get to know each other. You can ask me any questions you need to about myself or the process. I’ll let you know if I can’t answer it for any reason. And I want you to know if I ever ask or discuss something that you are not ready to answer, you say so, and we will use the time for what you are ready for and need. This is your time and space, and I want you to feel safe.”

 

3) Share the responsibility and “workload”. It’s essential to dispel any myth or belief with the adolescent and caregivers that a) they are the problem child and b)your job is to “fix” them in some way. Again, this is where I use transparency in the first session or parent consult (as well as throughout ongoing treatment) to set clear expectations for all involved.

To caregivers: “I want you to know that if i’m working with your child, I’m working with you also.  In many ways, this work can be equal or more for the parent.  My job is not to “fix”. Rather, i’m here to provide assessment, education, skill-building and a safe space to process and build awareness so that you and your child can more effectively communicate, understand one another and connect in a meaningful way to address the barriers.” I always let adolescents know that I’ve had this conversation with the caregiver(s) as well so they know it’s a joint effort.

 

4) Empower the adolescent voice. I like to give my adolescent clients as much choice and opportunity to lead as possible when it comes to parent involvement. Here are a few different ways, I frequently go about this in session:

“Would you like me to check in with mom/dad alone or with you it the room?”

“Is there anything you’d like to share with mom/dad/caregiver from our session today?”

“Is it alright if we bring mom/dad in at the end to share any skills we worked on so they can practice it too?”

“Is it ok if I emailed mom/dad about (a specific one or two things from session) so that they can be more aware and better understand what you are going through or how to support you?”

“Is there anything you want to teach mom/dad today?”

“Would you like me to explain (specific pattern or skill) for you to caregiver with you in the room?”

“Would you want to do a family session with mom/dad on this? If so, when do you think you’d like to do it?”

 

5) Parent Coaching Sessions are a must! Along with letting parents and adolescents know that this is joint work, I let them know that some sessions will be just with the parent(s). I am transparent with the adolescent and parents about the purpose of these sessions from the start.

“These sessions with your mom/dad are NOT to report all that you’ve said or processed in session. Instead, they are an opportunity for you parent to explore their own barriers getting in the way of supporting or connecting with you. I will always let you know when i will be having a session with you parents in case you have any questions or anything you would like me to share or work on with your mom/dad.”

To caregiver: “These are sessions where you can explore challenging emotions, patterns, behaviors that you are struggling with that might be acting as barriers to your relationship with your child. The main goal is to empower you as a caregiver and strengthen your relationship.”

 

6) Provide Outside Resources to Caregivers and Adolescents from the start.

At the end of an initial session or consult, I provide at least one book and internet-based resource that will help parents get a head start on some of the topics and ideas we will be addressing in therapy. Throughout the process, I continue to provide both the caregivers and the adolescent ongoing supports based on what is coming up in therapy and what the family barriers may be.

Some of my favorite resources are:

Ted Talks: Especially for the adolescent and caregiver to watch together at times.

Wellcast videos: Here is one of my favorites, but they have them on all topics! I often show to adolescent in session and send to both caregiver and adolescent after session. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UMIU-Uo8cZU

Phone apps: mood meter, calm.com, Headspace are just some of my favorites.

Books: there are so many; here are a few favorites

The Gifts of Imperfection, Daring Greatly and Rising Strong by Brene Brown (also has great ted talks to introduce the concept of vulnerability and shame)

Whole-Brain Child, Yes Brain and Brainstorm by Dan Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson

Emotion Focused Family Therapy resources: This includes caregiver webinars and in-person workshops, book recs, links to articles, etc. All greatly support parent coaching and family work. http://www.emotionfocusedfamilytherapy.org and http://www.mentalhealthfoundations.org are two helpful websites.

Review/summary emails: These I send with adolescent permission to specifically review a skill, idea or new strategy that would be helpful for the caregiver or adolescent from session. This way, they can refer back to it as needed.

 

Engagement with adolescents and parents can be difficult at times, but I have found the more i’m able to focus on empowering families and setting clear expectations of what family work is and isn’t, the more willing adolescents and caregivers are to engage in the process. My goal is never to be the one the adolescents trust or “go to” the most, it’s to help them build that with their parent(s) or caregiver to be able manage their challenges and barriers in life in a sustainable and connected way.


Guest post written by Meaghan Burns Sablich, LCSW

Guest post written by Meaghan Burns Sablich, LCSW

Meaghan Burns Sablich, LCSW is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, Licensed Colorado State School Service Provider and clinical supervisor with 10+ years experience in the field. Meaghan received her Masters Degree in Social Work from the University of Denver with a concentration in Families and Children. Meaghan has worked in a variety of therapeutic settings including inpatient hospital, residential treatment center, day treatment center, schools, non-for profit organization and private practice. Areas of clinical focus include: depression, anxiety, ADHD, eating disorders, family therapy and parent coaching, grief and loss, school/learning concerns and self worth work.