Photo by Aarón Blanco Tejedor on Unsplash
For many in mental health, self-disclosure is a point of disagreement. Do we self-disclose? Does self-disclosure make it more about us than our clients? Can it get us in trouble? I know my graduate program in counseling urged caution about self-disclosing for a variety of reasons, which were again reinforced by my first job in juvenile corrections. Messages were shared like, protect yourself! Listen, don’t talk! Disclosing could invalidate a client’s experience! Don’t do it! And so on.
Therefore it took me several years to see the value of self-disclosure in connecting with clients at a deeper level in their therapeutic work. For example, watching the disclosure help them relax, knowing they weren’t alone. Seeing them take a deep breath to know it isn’t just them. Having clients report they feel seen in receiving reassurance or validation. Witnessing these meaningful shifts, I can now admit I’m a fan of self-disclosure, within reason of course. There’s a time and place for self-disclosure that feels satisfactory to both us as providers and to our clients. Let’s take a look at some of the suggested structure of self-disclosure and how it can be beneficial in client work.
#1 Keep It Short
Keeping self-disclosure condensed to one or two sentences keeps us from oversharing.
Example: “Yes, I’ve experienced anxiety too.”
#2 Focus on Your Client
By holding the focus on your client, you avoid making the session feel more about you than them.
Example: “I’m curious, with my sharing of having experienced depression before, what does that mean to you and the work we can do together?”
#3 Identify the Purpose of Self-Disclosure
Before you decide to disclose, slow down to ask yourself what the purpose of the disclosure is. Is it to build rapport? Provider reassurance? Validate or normalize? These are worthwhile reasons to self-disclose, as opposed to feeling like we have an agenda, a point to prove, or we are oversharing with no therapeutic direction to go.
Example: “In working with other clients with social anxiety, they found being able to talk about it brought them some comfort. How is it for you?”
#4 Check in
Once you’ve self-disclosed, check in on how it landed for the client. Notice any shifts in their face or body language that would indicate their current level of comfort. Recognize if they shift to caregiving you or keeping the focus on your experience instead of their own. Ask them outright if the self-disclosure was okay with them.
It’s also important to see how the self-disclosure landed for you. Did it feel natural? Worthwhile? Did you find yourself worrying that you shared too much? Perhaps you recognize that you self-disclose with this client more than others in liking them or seeing them more like a friend. These are important elements to notice and track through supervision and consultation to maintain a healthy therapeutic relationship.
Self-disclosure can enrich your therapeutic work when embraced and applied thoughtfully. It can help a client open up, build trust, or show up more authentically in session. It can also isolate or discount a client’s experience when used too liberally or when it comes out in a way that minimizes their experience. Therefore I hope these tips can help you identify the sweet spot for self-disclosure in your own work, embracing it when it feels right and holding boundaries to keep the focus on your client and their growth as the top priority in therapy.