Photo by Elisa Ventur on Unsplash
You’ve put yourself out there by creating something innovative, passionate, and new. You’ve shut down the naysayers to launch it and are hopeful of its success. It’s a part of you. It’s your baby. Then the hate mail comes in.
It could be a negative comment on your Youtube channel or on your latest blog post. Perhaps it’s a poor review of your book or a google review on your business page. Or maybe it’s a blunt and hostile email landing in your inbox. Wherever it lands, it stings. Like a slap to the face, you aren’t expecting it. It plants a seed of doubt in your mind, causing you to question what you’ve created—or worse—to question your own self-worth.
Unfortunately I speak from experience. As a serial entrepreneur, I know that the more things I put out into the world, the more it increases the risk of folks critiquing me as a person as well as the projects I launch. The first negative review hurts. The first hate mail that attacks one’s character hurts even more. So what can we do about it? How can we cope with the anonymous words that have been weaponized against us? How do we protect ourselves from the folks who want to criticize us from afar? After all, Brene Brown points out that they aren’t in the arena with us, so why do their voices sound so loud? I don’t claim to have all the answers, but I feel compelled to talk about this phenomenon of being cut down by folks cloaked in anonymity, knowing that other creatives and leaders who put themselves out there are experiencing the same thing.
How can we handle the hate mail?
Here are some things that might help:
1) Get Some Distance
As the virtual slap to the face hits, it can serve you to physically or emotionally move away from the negativity to get your bearings. Is it worth taking a walk? Distracting yourself with another task? Working off the emotional response with conscious movement? Stepping away from what you are doing to ground yourself?
2) Seek Support
You don’t have to go through this experience alone. Who can you reach out to that understands what it’s like? Who can offer reassurance, compassion, and kind words in the face of unexpected ugliness? Who can speak to the quality or value of the thing(s) you’ve created? Who believes in your vision?
3) Reignite Your Passion
The anonymous negativity can cast a shadow on all things that bring you joy if you let it. How can you revisit your vision and return to the passion of your project? Is it healing to talk about it with others who can appreciate your efforts? Can you share it with an audience who would be excited about it? Can you return to the experience of crafting your offering and what made you excited to launch it in the first place?
4) Reject That Shit
No one wants to hold onto hate mail. What can you do to consciously reject it and send it on it’s way? Is it about cleansing yourself or your space of that negativity? Is it about deleting the email, reporting the post, or setting boundaries on reading comments? Can you visualize repelling the negativity it represents, sending it farther away from you?
5) Find the Funny
Sometimes the critique isn’t even personal. Maybe they say your creation is boring or that no one cares. Of course the irony is that they read it or watched it or landed on your offering in some way themselves. So how can you find the funny in the painful experience? Is it reading it in a funny voice? Having a witty rebuttal like a celebrity reading hateful reviews on video? If you can’t find the funny in the criticism itself, can you engage in something lighthearted and funny to help you return to your emotional baseline?
6) Set Social Media Boundaries
There’s a reason folks in the spotlight say they don’t read their reviews. It hurts. What boundaries can you have in place to limit your perusal of comments if it’s more hurtful than helpful?
There is a difference between constructive criticism and hate mail. I choose to believe it says more about them than it does about us. I know that personally, I need to develop a thicker skin against negative remarks in order to continue creating things that I enjoy. To keep the vision and goal of helping others at the forefront of my mind. To continue to operate within my values of integrity, growth, and leadership. Although I wouldn’t wish the experience of hate mail on anyone, I hope that these ideas can prepare you for if and when it happens in your experience as a creative entrepreneur.
The haters are going to hate. Keep going.