Julia is a mom and therapist who values working from an attachment lens with her clients. Becoming a new parent in the pandemic has also influenced her therapeutic work in ways she didn’t expect. “I was lonely. My husband was renovating our house and I was alone with our baby.” Julia describes feeling isolated and missing her supports due to them not being able to travel in the early stages of COVID-19. The absence of her spouse every day—who was attempting to make a house ready to become their home—and the absence of friends and family sparked anger in Julia. “I was overwhelmed by how angry I felt.” Although she felt loving and present with her son, Julia described significant anger showing up anytime she was apart from him and able to feel her feelings. “Then I felt shame for feeling so angry.”
Julia knew she needed to better understand where the anger was coming from. “Reading the book ‘Burn It Down’ really validated my feelings.” She discovered that many women’s postpartum experiences involve anger or rage in addition to anxiety and depression. That it wasn’t unusual to feel anger followed by shame. Julia knew that part of her feelings of anger was due to missing supports that would normalize her experiences and allow her to vent in healthy ways. “Feeling our anger allows it to move, which allows us to let go of shame.” Julia didn’t have this opportunity in the earliest stages of her parenting.
Since resources were limited in the pandemic, Julia found herself leaning on her lactation consultant, who would mask up and visit the home, reassuring Julia that her experiences were normal. “She was like a therapist, she was an angel.” Julia found things shifting for the better when her family was able to move into the renovated house and she was seeing her husband more regularly again. Then she started being able to interact with friends and family, which also improved her mental health.
Working with adults and fellow parents, Julia reflects on how her postpartum and parenting experiences have expanded her compassion for other parents. “I can see how they are stretched thin trying to parent and work,” she shared. As a therapist who operates from attachment and Internal Family Systems (IFS) lenses, Julia says the grace and compassion she has for other parents has only increased with her own lived experience as a parent who has battled anger and shame. She recognizes that without the validation of others and supports in place, mental health is negatively impacted. “What I learned about anger is why it’s here and how normal it is,” Julia shared.
Now Julia offers a parents of toddlers group where other women speak about their anger. It’s the community and safe space Julia was craving herself in a critical moment of her postpartum journey. “When unresolved anger turns inward, or when it’s not expressed appropriately, it makes us sick.” Julia is determined to create spaces for anger and shame to be expressed so they don’t fester and make people worse. She has noticed how suppressed emotions contribute to mental health conditions and wants things to be different for women and mothers. “My understanding of anger has given me a whole new perspective on mental health,” Julia named. Through IFS parts work, Julia is helping clients better understand their anger so they can process it appropriately. “Anger is here for a reason,” she shared, “we just have to discover why it’s here.”
Things happen to us as humans, even as we support our clients as professional helpers. Do you have a story you want to share the mental health community? Email us at croswaitecounselingpllc@gmail.com to learn more about the Human in the Helper Series!