Self-Care Isn’t Always About Slowing Down

As a workaholic choosing balance on a daily basis, I know that if a stranger were to approach me tomorrow and say, “Khara, just slow down!” I’d politely acknowledge their suggestion without any desire to act on it. As a driven professional, I’ve heard this sentiment for years. From family, friends, and colleagues. Even briefly from my doctors. Yet like many of our clients, having someone suggest slowing down isn’t enough. Workaholics have to examine it, plan it, and justify it to avoid the resulting feelings of restlessness or guilt.

I saw a quote this week that said, “If you don’t make time for wellness, you’ll be forced to make time for illness.” Truth! To ignore the warning signs of burnout or write off self-care as frivolous isn’t an option. However, slowing down isn’t a comfortable option for driven professionals either, so what can we do?

I watched a respected colleague experience distress when exploring how to slow down her life. An extrovert and passionate business owner, she named that she had no desire to have unstructured weekends or embrace boredom. I can relate. I spoke to this in a previous blog called: What If Working Is Your Self-Care? My response to her distress was to share that self-care isn’t always about slowing down. It can be about pivoting and pouring our energy into something restorative and energizing instead. I watched her shoulders drop and a smile return to her face as she began exploring a new way to define her self-care strategy. Discovering what could support her in feeling restored without feeling bored.

People continue to think self-care is vacations, spa days, and bubble baths. All have an element of slowing down, which has value in certain situations. But what if we don’t like any of those things? What if these activities breed discomfort or resentment instead of joy? For workaholics and driven professionals, the abrupt change from 60 miles an hour productivity to full stop leaves them feeling like they’ve been hit by a truck.

It’s why I’ve talked in previous posts about redefining self-care as rest AND restoration. Maybe as a driven person, you like the idea of restoration more than rest. Maybe it fits your personality better, much like my colleague. Instead of binge watching a show and vegging out on the couch, maybe now you are walking in nature or cooking a nourishing meal. Perhaps you are painting or dancing or creating instead of embracing stillness. After all, a lot of entrepreneurs find stillness painful, worrying that it invites in stagnation. Moving and creating feel better to these folks.

So what would be on your self-care list if it wasn’t about slowing down? What would replace the naps, movie marathons, and pedicures if we wanted a self-care activity that was equally active and invigorating? Take that next step and watch how your work-life balance shifts for the better!

What if Working is Your Self-Care?

I was bonding with other powerhouse business women in a working retreat recently and was asked to facilitate a goal-setting exercise. What do we want to accomplish in the next six months and how can we help one another achieve these goals? I’d had them narrow it down. Brainstorm. Prioritize. Share. Ask for help.

Then it was my turn. I jumped in with enthusiasm, rattling off my goals of book sales, the Amazon best-seller list, and a TED Talk. I was excited to share! To manifest, to make it more real. And then came the question. “Khara,” one of my colleagues said, “that sounds great. But, what’s the end goal?” I felt my excitement wheeze and deflate like an untied balloon. I felt confused, unsure, and started to sweat. Why couldn’t I come up with an answer for her? An answer for myself? I knew in my heart that I didn’t want to retire early and not have work. Working gives me a sense of direction. Work gives me purpose. More specifically, creating gives me purpose. And yet I didn’t know the end-result. Through a constricted throat, I claimed I’d have to get back to her, finding my mind going blank.

Soon after the retreat, she texted me. “Khara, I owe you an apology. My question to you was flawed from the beginning. It was a projection of societal expectations that there has to be a particular outcome more than just enjoying the process. Enjoying the process might be the point and that is actually really beautiful.” She proceeded to send me this quote:

“The fruits of a fulfilling life—happiness, confidence, enthusiasm, purpose, and money—are mainly the by-products of doing something we enjoy, with excellence, rather than the things we can seek directly.”    --Dan Miller

The tightness in my chest loosened, the panic of not having an answer and worrying about not having an answer, lifted. I felt seen. It lead me to a question of, “what if working is my self-care?” What if working is yours?

They say “if you do what you love, you’ll never work a day in your life.” That may be true for some, but it’s also one of the villains we blame for our current workaholic culture. Doing what we love is a privilege. Does the work invigorate you? Inspire you? Feed your soul?

I can tell you that creating for me brings feelings of happiness and joy. It’s as close as I get to contentment in knowing I’m producing things of value. I can also tell you that to the outside world, I’m churning things out at a breakneck speed. A speed which others might find unhealthy, believing I subscribe to workaholic culture, I am workaholic culture, and that I need to take it down a notch. That I’m steamrolling instead of stopping to smell the roses. They assume I don’t get enough sleep.

There’s a sweet spot for functioning in a productivity loop. For those creatives out there, you get it. We get ideas in the shower, while driving, and at 4am out of blue. We feel a rush to put our ideas into motion, creating something that can have a positive impact for ourselves and others. We do in fact maintain enough sleep to get to good ideas, the ahas that inspire action. So to tell us to slow down, stop our work, or accuse us of poor self-care is missing the mark. It’s once again operating from the flawed lens of society. The all or nothing thinking. Society which demands answers to the question, what’s the end goal? Why do it? What’s the point? Why?

Simon Sinek said it best when he said start with your why. If you embrace it, the rest will fall into place. If our why as women entrepreneurs is to make an impact and a meaningful difference in the world through our products and leadership, we can do that. We can work and have it be meaningful, fulfilling, and consider aspects of it as part of our self-care.

Self-care has been commercialized, having us thinking of vacations, massages, and manicures. In previous talks, I’ve invited others to redefine self-care as rest versus restoration. Rest is easy to measure. Taking brain breaks, vegging out, getting enough sleep. But what feels so enticing for creative entrepreneurs is restoration. What energizes you, invigorates you, inspires you? From this lens, it’s not surprising that parts of our business can restore us. Creativity. Leadership. Integrity and Purpose.

Adam Grant highlights the importance of creativity in the workplace by showing that employees who had 20% of their work hours carved out for creativity were more productive, were responsible for some of the latest innovations to change the world, and were more emotionally invested in their workplace. Does this not sound like a great recipe for burnout prevention and challenging our workaholic culture?

I’m asking you to change your beliefs about the churn. Creativity and enjoying the process in your work can be self-care. Creativity at work serves the dual purpose of encouraging feelings of productivity and contentment. Working may not be rest but it can be restorative. Therefore it can be part of your self-care practice. Do something you enjoy with excellence, and the fruits of a fulfilling life will follow.