The Human in the Helper: It’s easier to prioritize our kids over ourselves

Jenny knows what it’s like to juggle many roles. At one point in the pandemic, she was running a small private practice, a second business of an online community, and working a full time job with a toddler at home. When her second child arrived, she was grateful for family to be present immediately after her son’s birth, an experience she didn’t get with her daughter who was born in September 2020. Jenny brought their son home, and days later noticed a rash developing on his tiny body but thought it was related to the 100 plus degree heat of Houston where they live. At her son’s check up, the doctor had concerns. “She calmly said, ‘you’re going to the emergency room now.’ I felt like I was in the dark as to what was going on but took him right away so they could run tests,” Jenny recalled. Her son was nine days old and remained in the hospital for three days as they waited for test results.

Jenny’s son had a staph infection. Although it was a relief to know the cause and receive treatment, Jenny found herself in self-blame. “Did I cause this to happen? Were there too many people around him at his birth? Should I have done something different?” Jenny isn’t alone in having these thoughts as a woman and mother. “I struggle to accept help. I tend to not rely on others and do things myself.” But as she stayed in the hospital with her son, relying on her spouse and others to keep things going at home was necessary.

A second opportunity to accept help from loved ones came when her son got a second staph infection at two months old while visiting family in Colorado. Jenny found herself telling clients about her son as she needed to cancel and reschedule appointments in order to address his needs. “It’s easier to prioritize our kids needs over our own,” Jenny reflected. She wants to operate from a ‘family comes first’ place but recognizes how that can feel challenging to herself and others when holding the role of primary earner in a household.

Figuring out our own needs as therapists and small business owners is a work in progress. Jenny had to learn how to slow down to meet her own needs. “Our bodies tell us when they’ve been ignored and neglected, and then we don’t have a choice in how to practice self-care.” As a mom, woman, and therapist who keeps others’ needs in mind, Jenny named the experience as “weaponized self-care, how are we supposed to do that?” She spoke to how it felt hypocritical to help clients and colleagues practice self-care when she wasn’t doing it well herself. Now she gives herself more grace and owns it when it happens. “I’m trying to model self-care but it’s not perfect,” she said.

Being a mom of two small children has also influenced her approach to self-care. “Our kids are purely living in the present, they model this for us. It’s also how we can recognize we aren’t taking care of ourselves in that present moment.” Jenny brings this insight into her online community for trauma therapists, who are working on their own journeys of balance and self-care. “We can join kids in the present moment, supporting healing and self-care through meaningful connection.”

Things happen to us as humans, even as we support our clients as professional helpers. Do you have a story you want to share the mental health community? Email us at croswaitecounselingpllc@gmail.com to learn more about the Human in the Helper Series!

The Human in the Helper: I’ve had it happen twice

Caitlin loves her job and it shows. She works with youth involved in the juvenile justice system and has loved that system for over 15 years. It’s a career choice not many colleagues would commit to, especially when working with a population that assumes greater risks of loss, compassion fatigue, and vicarious trauma. Even though she finds her work rewarding, Caitlin has also experienced every Adverse Psychological Event (APE) known within our field, including the not often talked about ones, like client violence directed towards others. “I had two clients murder people in the community.”

Caitlin is willing to share her story to help others while also acknowledging how difficult it can be. “I had four deaths in an 18 month span,” she recalls. For her two clients who killed people, these tragedies happened after they had closed out of services. “The support I received around this happening was different because they weren’t active clients.” Caitlin reflected on how the support was minimal in supervision and consultation because of the clients not being active on her caseload. She named how it felt like leadership was relieved to not have to staff these cases, and redirected her to focus on her current caseload of at-risk kids. She heard messages like, ‘It sucks that that happened. What are you doing for your current suicidal kids?’

Although Caitlin understood the focus of leadership on current clients, this messaging didn’t help her healing process as a person. She found herself questioning if she’d done enough for her clients. If there was something she missed. And then there was the grief. “I was surprised that I felt so much grief for the kids who engaged in violence. I thought things must have been pretty bad for them to do this.” Caitlin’s compassion confused colleagues, who did not hold compassion for her former clients at all, instead labeling them murderers and engaging in black and white thinking. “They are still traumatized kids,” Caitlin named.

A trauma lens helps Caitlin remain in this work with her clients, as well as her abundant compassion for what her clients have been through.  Even so, the losses still took a toll on her. She felt acute symptoms of grief in the first month, with flare ups anytime she saw her former clients in the news for their trials or sentencing. She had recurring nightmares with her clients in them. “They were always calling out for help. Someone had to help them.” What helped Caitlin most was having one colleague who understood what she was going through, because they worked with the same population. “One time I came into her office and cried,” Caitlin shared. “My mentor said, ‘Caitlin, you are working with people through some of the darkest moments of their lives. That doesn’t always mean they come out of the darkness by following your light.’”

Caitlin reflects on the importance of having a colleague or mentor who can hold this heaviness with us. Someone who aligns with our beliefs and gives us space to heal. Someone who supports the ugly cries and the dark humor. Someone who reinforces we aren’t alone. She also encourages colleagues to do their own psychological first aid, making sure to eat, sleep, and move their bodies. “You will want to freeze. Honor all your feelings. You will experience every stage of grief.” Caitlin doesn’t have any plans to pivot from this population because she operates from a belief that what we do as mental health professionals still matters. “For every horrible thing that happens, there are 10-20 that don’t end up that way. Those horrible things are still the minority.” Caitlin’s story provides a beacon of hope in light of something that feels so heavy and so powerless. We feel honored to be able to share her messages here.

Things happen to us as humans, even as we support our clients as professional helpers. Do you have a story you want to share the mental health community? Email us at croswaitecounselingpllc@gmail.com to learn more about the Human in the Helper Series!

The Human in the Helper: You don’t have to be a rockstar clinician every day

Tim has a calming presence for both his clients in private practice and for his students as a dedicated professor. He’s known for giving students and supervisees grace, affirming that perfectionism isn’t the goal of their learning. Tim says this philosophy comes from his own lived experience with difficult choices, specifically decisions involving his therapy business and his home life in an effort to find balance during moments of grief and loss. “My dad had cancer and was placed on hospice. I was gone from home for three months,” he describes. Thankfully, Tim had already moved his practice to 100% telehealth months earlier when the COVID-19 pandemic had shut everything down, which allowed him to see his clients remotely from another state. “Going to work was a nice break from what was happening with my dad. It was nice to feel in control of something, to remove myself for a break and go to work.”

Although Tim was able to see clients remotely, he made the choice to refer several newer clients to colleagues, knowing he couldn’t give them his best during that difficult time. “I’m grateful for my network, to make this handoff to other specialists that could serve the clients best.” He also worked with several colleagues to take his clients for a month for bereavement after his dad’s passing. “It was really hard. I wish I’d focused on my coping and how difficult it was to see him decline. I wish I had taken off a little sooner.” Tim describes a struggle with wanting to be there for his clients while also taking care of himself. “I don’t think clients got my best at the end. Yet I tell others, including my students, that you don’t have to be a rockstar clinician every day.”

Coping during his loss involved remaining connected to his wife who had stayed at home. “I wanted to call her everyday but not use her to vent every day.” Tim has ideas for fellow therapists who are going through a significant loss. “Use your rolodex. Call a friend and vent. Don’t isolate.” He shared how calling a new friend each night helped him through, without putting too much pressure on his wife as his primary support. “Therapists are used to being the listeners so they don’t always ask for help, which can lead to burnout.”

Tim also talked about the risks of burnout coming from the loss of income when having to reduce a caseload or close business temporarily. “I wish I’d known about business insurance that would pay for when we can’t work.” He named the importance of having some money for emergencies, which echoes some of my work as a Financial Therapist. Most importantly, Tim reflected on the boundaries he needed with clients to avoid burnout. “Clients knew what was going on, but I was very careful to keep the hour focused on them.” He says this is important because he works with a lot of middle-aged clients who have significant responsibilities. When they tried to focus on Tim, he’d reassure and redirect clients by saying, “this is your hour where you don’t have to care for someone else.” 

Tim’s practice is healthy and rewarding today. He and his wife are making plans with the intention of taking time off to travel each year and he continues to teach and supervisee therapists-in-training. When asked what his key takeaway has been from his experience of pausing his business in support of his dad and for grief and loss healing, he said “if you can do this, you can do anything.” His thoughts sound in alignment with post-traumatic growth, which makes sense for folks who experience such a life-changing event like this one.

Things happen to us as humans, even as we support our clients as professional helpers. Do you have a story you want to share the mental health community? Email us at croswaitecounselingpllc@gmail.com to learn more about the Human in the Helper Series!

The Human in the Helper: I was going to be resentful and hateful of the field

Alex loves traveling, his husband, and his fur babies. He’s known within his community as a committed mental health leader, dedicated group practice owner, and compelling TEDx speaker. Most importantly, he embodies a genuineness and passionate energy you don’t often see when working within hardened systems that focus on significant trauma and addiction. Seeing how much he’s accomplished in the past few years, it may surprise you to know he was starting to lose his passion and soulful work to the burden of busyness. “It was consuming me,” Alex shared.

Alex describes an imbalance where work was the top priority. He was fielding calls, putting out metaphorical fires, and always having to check his phone for issues, even while on vacation. “I didn’t look forward to coming home [from vacation]. I was stressed at the thought of coming home.” Alex knew something had to shift, but he felt he was committed to his group practice’s growth and goals for the next few years. His spouse described the agency as Alex’s baby, taking his full attention and energy since it was still in an infancy stage of growth.

“That hurt to hear him say,” Alex said, “but it didn’t cause a pivot.” At least, not yet. Alex had been considering a career adjustment for almost two years before he hit his limit. “I was in Oregon on a ropes course and had dislocated my shoulder,” Alex remembers. He recalled how he noticed he was attempting to talk himself into pushing through and finishing, all while in immense pain. “I asked myself, who do I need to prove myself to? Tapping out is okay.” Then Alex felt a flood of emotions as he realized this urge to keep going and pushing through was part of his experience as a group practice owner. He had finally come to a decision, it was time.

Although his community saw the end result as an announcement to close his agency, Alex disclosed several factors that influenced this pivot away from group practice ownership. “I want my husband to be my top priority. I want to do soulful work again. If I didn’t pivot, I was going to be resentful and hateful of the field.” Alex reflected on how his five domains of self—something he presents on often within his community—were suffering under the experience of too much busyness. “Now I’m paying attention to what feels in alignment with my values.”

Alex shared that although he’s grieving the change, it’s a joyful process to see the meaningful differences in his day to day life. “I get to work and do something I love and spend time with my husband.” Alex doesn’t want to live with regrets, especially as he helps his spouse navigate a recent decline in health. “I’m not going to compromise who I am as myself or for my husband for the profession.” In other words, Alex is embracing a shift towards prioritizing relationships and health over work.

A pivot in practice ownership is something Alex wants to normalize for his colleagues. “You don’t owe anyone any explanations. You don’t owe it to anyone but yourself.” Alex went on to describe that pivoting is a normal experience as priorities in life change. How do you know if you need to pivot? Alex has a suggestion. “Imagine you are on your death bed. Will you be happy with how things are now? Or will you have regrets? You can pivot!” Alex doesn’t want to feel like he has ignore warning bells when things are out of alignment, and he doesn’t want other clinicians to respond this way either. “Notice what you are saying to yourself. To tap out is okay.” In support of balance, Alex plans to continue to speak and consult on burnout and soulful work with other helping professionals. It’s a way he can give back to the profession without burning out, which is something he hopes to inspire in colleagues on their own path of self-discovery as well.

Things happen to us as humans, even as we support our clients as professional helpers. Do you have a story you want to share the mental health community? Email us at croswaitecounselingpllc@gmail.com to learn more about the Human in the Helper Series!

The Human in the Helper: This isn’t something essential oils are going to fix.

Gabrielle shows up as vibrant, friendly, and personable, which serves her well as a mental health leader and Licensed Clinical Social Worker. She’s made quite the name for herself as an entrepreneur and consultant serving therapists and professionals around burnout and burnout prevention. With her passion, beautiful tattoos, and love of Zumba, it’s hard to believe she’s already experienced significant professional burnout in her career.

“I woke up one day and hated it,” Gabrielle shared. “My clients were no longer my ideal clients. I didn’t have the boundaries I needed. I kept hearing my own voice in my head say, ‘this is how it is.” But Gabrielle found out that things could be different. She was venting about how tired she was to a colleague in another industry one day. Their response? Sell your practice. 

“I found myself fantasizing about selling, but with the number we came up with, it didn’t seem worth the work.” At least at first. Gabrielle spoke to how she’d entered the mental health industry while working three jobs, and was subscribing to the hustle and grind culture of being a Millennial. “I believed that the harder I worked, the better it would be.” Which lead to burnout. Gabrielle recalls how she worked a job where she and her colleagues were expected to work long hours, take their work computers home, and come in on Saturdays or Sundays to get caught up.

Gabrielle then moved into private practice, rapidly growing into a group practice serving a community in need. She acknowledged that she built her business fast with the same drive of previous jobs and hadn’t worked on all of her own stuff as a person and professional. “This is what business ownership is about,” she told herself when she felt it catching up to her. Then she got the call to sell her business. “I had to ask myself, what do I want my life to look like?”

Gabrielle is a trailblazer in the mental health community by challenging the assumptions that success means a full private-pay practice or group practice ownership. “I have no regrets, this is alignment with my values,” she said of selling her practice. When asked what she wants other therapists to know, she shared, “you can create your dream life! There are so many options.” She warned against comparison to colleagues or listening to the ‘shoulds.’ She named how therapists have set high expectations for themselves, saying “we didn’t talk about the risks of burnout in school.”

When reflecting on her current roles of being a business and burnout consultant, Gabrielle shared a story of how an old job asked for self-care tools to be donated to their self-care room for employees. “This isn’t something essential oils are going to fix.” We have to agree.

To learn more about Gabrielle and how she can help colleagues and professional communities heal from burnout, visit her website at https://gabriellejulianovillani.com/

Things happen to us as humans, even as we support our clients as professional helpers. Do you have a story you want to share with the mental health community? Email us at croswaitecounselingpllc@gmail.com to learn more about The Human in the Helper Series!

Navigating Entrepreneurial Burnout

Courtesy of DepositPhotos

Burnout is an experience that doesn’t discriminate. It can happen to anyone, which is why 75% of working Americans report they’ve experienced symptoms of burnout while in the workforce (MHA and FlexJobs, July 2020). It’s one aspect that pushes people into entrepreneurship, amidst a desire for control, pursuing passions, and an enticing vision of working for ourselves.

Yet what happens when we feel burnt out as an entrepreneur? When there’s no quitting a job to pursue our own goals and dreams? When setting our own schedule actually means working more than a 9-5? When the hustle and grind culture remains, this time labeled as entrepreneurial spirit because we feel compelled to think and dream about our business 24/7 to see it grow. Does this sound like you? I can definitely relate and so can my clients. I share that I’ve experienced professional burnout 1.5 times, and it’s a reason other professionals have begun exploring their entrepreneurial burnout in working with me.

Entrepreneurship is celebrated because of the possibilities it presents, but it’s also hard. Perhaps you recall the graph that claimed to depict the day-to-day life of an entrepreneur. It was an image full of ups and downs that went viral because of how relatable it was. From this interpretation, we can assume that for every success, there are long nights, high anxiety, fluctuating uncertainty, and gobs of self-doubt. Experience stress for too long and we find ourselves in entrepreneurial burnout.

So how do we keep a flow to work and life that prevents entrepreneurial burnout from happening? I like the word ‘flow’ because the word ‘balance’ implies equal parts work and homelife, which might not feel realistic. Instead, professionals are redefining expectations of work-life balance as work-life flow. For example, perhaps you are launching a new program or product for six weeks and live very much in work, followed by a scheduled break with time away to reconnect with family, thus re-entering the homelife space. Maybe you immerse yourself in entrepreneurial projects from 8am-12pm then attend to family needs the rest of the day. How would your work-life flow show?

Knowing that work-life flow is one piece of a complex puzzle, here are some other tools that can help you address burnout as an entrepreneur. Want the worksheets to make these tasks easier? Grab your free download of our 22 skills for busy professionals at Perfectioneur.com

1.     Craft your ideal schedule

Have you ever sat down to explore your ideal schedule? What would it be if you weren’t subjecting yourself to the hustle or grind culture of being your own boss? Would you have Fridays off? Be done for dinner each night? Take two weeks off at the holidays to visit family? By crafting your ideal schedule and seeing it on paper, it becomes more real. How does it compare to your current schedule? What’s one step you can take to be closer to your ideal schedule?

2.     Identify tasks to delegate or remove

This is a difficult ask for lots of entrepreneurs who self-identify as control freaks or disclose that their business is their baby. And yet freeing up our creative time by delegating tasks we don’t enjoy can make bigger change happen that much more quickly! Want to identify which tasks to delegate first? Grabbing our worksheet to walk through ranking daily and monthly tasks for enjoyment can be a great place to start!

3.     Revisit your Top Ten Priorities

That’s right, as a former workaholic, I’m a fan of having ten goals or priorities at a time! As you explore your current status within entrepreneurial burnout, where are you in your progress with your goals? Are you feeling far from achieving them, which could speak to the burnout itself? Are your goals forgotten or on the backburner, which is contributing to your feelings of being adrift or unfocused? Do you need to revise your top ten priorities to include health and wellness to recover from current burnout symptoms?

By no means are these the only strategies to fight entrepreneurial burnout. After all, burnout is complex for many in the workplace, whether they work for others or for themselves. I also want to honor the possibility that some entrepreneurs will read this and decide to work for someone else to regain the structure they crave and to experience a more clear separation of work and home. I see you. Of course that is an option. Regardless of what you decide to do in your own career journey, my hope is that we can continue to talk about the many strategies of burnout prevention and recovery so that we don’t lose people or their passions to a cultural norm of workaholism and exhaustion.

A Letter to Professional Helpers

Hello fellow helpers! I’m so excited that you’re considering my new book Helpers with Hashimoto’s: The Rise of Thyroid Conditions in Professional Helpers and What We Can Do About It.  Written for professional helpers experiencing compassion fatigue, stress, burnout, and so much more, we have a calling to help others that, in turn, feeds our soul. We breathe it. We embrace it. We live it. 

We want to make a difference and an impact in others’ lives! As a mental health therapist for more than a decade, this resonates with me. It’s the starfish story. If you haven’t come across this poem before, I hope you’ll search for it! I get goosebumps and teary eyed almost every time I share it with someone new. Of course, we all want to make a difference for each starfish/person we help. But we also struggle to slow down and take care of ourselves. How do we do both? Can we help that starfish then sit on the beach, digging our toes into the sand and feeling the sun on our faces? How do we learn to breathe it all in? Can we remain helpful without running ourselves into the ground?

As a therapist, I discovered I was suffering from burnout in 2017. I had symptoms for years before then and pushed through them. In the words of Petersen, How Millennials Became The Burnout Generation, “Like other type-A overachievers, I didn’t hit walls, I worked around them” (2020).

It’s awkward to admit that as a professional, I didn’t really register what was happening. Even though my hair was falling out, I had gained weight, and I was experiencing mood swings where I fantasized about quitting my job almost daily. I’d ignored the puffy face I didn’t recognize in the mirror between meetings. I’d feel depression symptoms in the morning and bounce back to feeling like myself by lunchtime. It was wild. I was diagnosed with Hashimoto’s in late 2018, being told by the doctor that as long as I wasn’t planning to have kids anytime soon, I would just live with the symptoms as they were.

No thank you. Suffering through symptoms isn’t good enough. Not by a long shot. With thyroid conditions on the rise, there is more overlap between chronic stress, burnout, and thyroid functioning than we’d previously realized. Folks are being diagnosed with anxiety and depression who actually have a hypoactive thyroid. One in eight people have a thyroid condition now, most often women. And since women are also more likely to choose helping professions, I started to see them more frequently as clients in my therapeutic work. I could no longer ignore my own thyroid condition. My clients were paralleling my journey of desiring a better quality of life and I wanted to help them achieve it.

Hashimoto’s, an autoimmune condition that attacks one’s own thyroid and kills it over time, is the culprit for a lot of my symptoms. It contributes to fatigue, weight gain, anxiety and depression, and creates pregnancy challenges for some women. As I saw more and more professional helpers in my therapy practice, I realized they were being given the same messaging as me. Deal with it. Push through as is. This is your life now.

I refuse to accept this messaging and you should too. This book serves as a guide back to wellness. It is a journey of four professional women, myself included, who fight for the quality of their lives so they can remain impactful helpers and healthy individuals. Like Briana, who went through several doctors before she found answers as to why she’d gained 60 pounds within months. Or Liliana, who works through a checklist each month to explore if her symptoms are due to her thyroid, burnout, or something else. And Amy, who is still adjusting her diet in response to thyroid flare ups and gastric distress years after her diagnosis. Or me, a burnout consultant who questions if I’m doing enough for my clients while not wanting to ignore my own body’s needs. It’s a daily balancing act.

If this resonates with you, I’m glad you’re here! As professional helpers, we need to better understand our susceptibility to chronic stress, burnout, and resulting thyroid conditions. Join me in exploring the contributing factors of helping professions that make these challenging experiences more likely. Let’s begin our journey of reprioritizing your health as a professional helper. Grab the book on Amazon in paperback and Kindle here.

Warmly,

Khara

Self-Care Isn’t Always About Slowing Down

As a workaholic choosing balance on a daily basis, I know that if a stranger were to approach me tomorrow and say, “Khara, just slow down!” I’d politely acknowledge their suggestion without any desire to act on it. As a driven professional, I’ve heard this sentiment for years. From family, friends, and colleagues. Even briefly from my doctors. Yet like many of our clients, having someone suggest slowing down isn’t enough. Workaholics have to examine it, plan it, and justify it to avoid the resulting feelings of restlessness or guilt.

I saw a quote this week that said, “If you don’t make time for wellness, you’ll be forced to make time for illness.” Truth! To ignore the warning signs of burnout or write off self-care as frivolous isn’t an option. However, slowing down isn’t a comfortable option for driven professionals either, so what can we do?

I watched a respected colleague experience distress when exploring how to slow down her life. An extrovert and passionate business owner, she named that she had no desire to have unstructured weekends or embrace boredom. I can relate. I spoke to this in a previous blog called: What If Working Is Your Self-Care? My response to her distress was to share that self-care isn’t always about slowing down. It can be about pivoting and pouring our energy into something restorative and energizing instead. I watched her shoulders drop and a smile return to her face as she began exploring a new way to define her self-care strategy. Discovering what could support her in feeling restored without feeling bored.

People continue to think self-care is vacations, spa days, and bubble baths. All have an element of slowing down, which has value in certain situations. But what if we don’t like any of those things? What if these activities breed discomfort or resentment instead of joy? For workaholics and driven professionals, the abrupt change from 60 miles an hour productivity to full stop leaves them feeling like they’ve been hit by a truck.

It’s why I’ve talked in previous posts about redefining self-care as rest AND restoration. Maybe as a driven person, you like the idea of restoration more than rest. Maybe it fits your personality better, much like my colleague. Instead of binge watching a show and vegging out on the couch, maybe now you are walking in nature or cooking a nourishing meal. Perhaps you are painting or dancing or creating instead of embracing stillness. After all, a lot of entrepreneurs find stillness painful, worrying that it invites in stagnation. Moving and creating feel better to these folks.

So what would be on your self-care list if it wasn’t about slowing down? What would replace the naps, movie marathons, and pedicures if we wanted a self-care activity that was equally active and invigorating? Take that next step and watch how your work-life balance shifts for the better!

Participation Trophies and Perfectionism

What if participation trophies have caused more harm than good? The running criticism of the Millennial generation is that participation trophies were awarded to kids to make sure no one was left out and to promote a feeling that everyone wins. Enter eye rolls of the older generations as we explore how participation trophies could be a possible culprit of increased perfectionism in both Millennial and Gen Z generations.

The Millennial generation is defined roughly as individuals born 1980-1996. Stereotyped as the entitled generation that moves from one job to the next, Simon Sinek was willing to name some of the challenges in his viral video on Millennials in the workplace. Dr. Jean Twenge explored additional factors for this generation in her book Generation Me. Thanks to her research, I discovered a detailed picture of how and why perfectionism has elevated since the early 1980s. Additionally, the full experience of Millennial finances and workaholism is captured in Anne Helen Petersen’s book Can’t Even: How Millennials Became the Burnout Generation.

Following the Millennial generation, Gen Z captures folks born roughly 1996-2004 and has been named a generation that is more open to talking about mental health, quality of life, and feelings of isolation. Dr. Twenge dedicates a book to this generation’s challenges called iGen: Why Today’s Super-Connected Kids Are Growing Up Less Rebellious, More Tolerant, Less Happy—And What That Means for the Rest of Us. Serving this population in my mental health practice, I continue to see themes of perfectionism, anxiety, and burnout based on high expectations of themselves to perform well and achieve success.

How does this connect back to participation trophies? Please allow me to explain. A client of mine was doing therapeutic work around messaging their received in childhood about their worth being wrapped up in what they do. Their belief was that the more they do, the more value they possess in the eyes of others. They described getting a participation trophy for an event and recognized that it mean nothing to them because everyone else got one too. Not only that, they felt the trophy encouraged imposter syndrome in feeling like a fraud! Therefore my client felt they had to work even harder to earn accolades and positive feedback on their worth as they got older. Enter workaholism, poor boundaries, and absent self-care which landed them in my office.

Does this resonate with you as it does with me? As an Elder Millennial and therapist, I recognize powerful patterns in my own worth as well as my clients work. Is it possible that participation trophies started a spiral of messaging that our worth is wrapped up in what we do? Combined with money earned for good grades, promotions for working overtime, and focusing on our children’s accomplishments when asked how they are, is this not the perfect storm for perfectionism, workaholism, and resulting burnout as adults?

Participation trophies are not the only piece of this puzzle. I am honored to continue this journey of self-discovery with my clients as a Perfectioneur, mental health therapist, and burnout consultant. My client’s disclosure provided another layer of perspective related to rising perfectionism and burnout in these two generations. It’s not the end of our story! Our narratives of self-worth, value, and workaholism are worth exploring and rewriting to remove our badges of busyness and achieve better work-life balance!

How to Stop Celebrating Noble Burnout

What if we’ve received messaging that we are only as good as what we do for others? This is a common core belief for helping professionals. Subconscious or not, it has the potential to increase risks of poor boundaries, workaholism, and burnout.

If we choose a profession built on caring, responding, and helping, we tend to carry the weight of being vigilant, responsive, and always “on.”  As we work harder to help others and meet work demands, we pay less attention to our own boundaries for self-care and that superhero cape stays on way too long.

It’s a phenomenon I like to call Noble Burnout. The cape starts to weigh us down as we run the risk of forgetting our own needs entirely, which results in burnout. Yet we are praised for our sacrifices and our worth remains defined in what we do for others. While the effort to help so many people is noble, it’s not sustainable as we neglect our own self-care needs. Even superheroes need a break.

Finding Balance Over Noble Burnout

1) Learn to Say No, More. I’ve heard it called “acting your wage.” Stop working for free when what you offer has value! Having some prepared phrases or responses can help you hold your boundaries and practice of saying no.

2) Improve Your Relationship with Money. Exploring your money messages will help you identify a healthier relationship with your finances as a professional. What if you think poorly of people who are rich or well-off? What if you worry about becoming Scrooge? These internal beliefs may prevent you from meeting your full financial potential because you worry about the impression you make on others. Healing your money story is an important piece to the Noble Burnout puzzle.

3) Remember Your Values. If you are working within your values, you’ll enjoy the rewards of fulfillment and purpose at work and home. If your values are absent, how can you bring them back into the equation? If our values are identified and prioritized, we can utilize them as a healthy gauge for wellness rather than misplaced fuel for the Noble Burnout fire.

4) Embrace Authenticity. You are a person first and professional helper second. This means being able to honor your needs and take break. Being human, having limits, and saying no are all allowed.

Together we can stop subscribing to Noble Burnout as helping professionals and as a community! Just imagine what we could accomplish if we weren’t celebrating self-sacrifice and instead chose to celebrate self-care.