I was bonding with other powerhouse business women in a working retreat recently and was asked to facilitate a goal-setting exercise. What do we want to accomplish in the next six months and how can we help one another achieve these goals? I’d had them narrow it down. Brainstorm. Prioritize. Share. Ask for help.
Then it was my turn. I jumped in with enthusiasm, rattling off my goals of book sales, the Amazon best-seller list, and a TED Talk. I was excited to share! To manifest, to make it more real. And then came the question. “Khara,” one of my colleagues said, “that sounds great. But, what’s the end goal?” I felt my excitement wheeze and deflate like an untied balloon. I felt confused, unsure, and started to sweat. Why couldn’t I come up with an answer for her? An answer for myself? I knew in my heart that I didn’t want to retire early and not have work. Working gives me a sense of direction. Work gives me purpose. More specifically, creating gives me purpose. And yet I didn’t know the end-result. Through a constricted throat, I claimed I’d have to get back to her, finding my mind going blank.
Soon after the retreat, she texted me. “Khara, I owe you an apology. My question to you was flawed from the beginning. It was a projection of societal expectations that there has to be a particular outcome more than just enjoying the process. Enjoying the process might be the point and that is actually really beautiful.” She proceeded to send me this quote:
“The fruits of a fulfilling life—happiness, confidence, enthusiasm, purpose, and money—are mainly the by-products of doing something we enjoy, with excellence, rather than the things we can seek directly.” --Dan Miller
The tightness in my chest loosened, the panic of not having an answer and worrying about not having an answer, lifted. I felt seen. It lead me to a question of, “what if working is my self-care?” What if working is yours?
They say “if you do what you love, you’ll never work a day in your life.” That may be true for some, but it’s also one of the villains we blame for our current workaholic culture. Doing what we love is a privilege. Does the work invigorate you? Inspire you? Feed your soul?
I can tell you that creating for me brings feelings of happiness and joy. It’s as close as I get to contentment in knowing I’m producing things of value. I can also tell you that to the outside world, I’m churning things out at a breakneck speed. A speed which others might find unhealthy, believing I subscribe to workaholic culture, I am workaholic culture, and that I need to take it down a notch. That I’m steamrolling instead of stopping to smell the roses. They assume I don’t get enough sleep.
There’s a sweet spot for functioning in a productivity loop. For those creatives out there, you get it. We get ideas in the shower, while driving, and at 4am out of blue. We feel a rush to put our ideas into motion, creating something that can have a positive impact for ourselves and others. We do in fact maintain enough sleep to get to good ideas, the ahas that inspire action. So to tell us to slow down, stop our work, or accuse us of poor self-care is missing the mark. It’s once again operating from the flawed lens of society. The all or nothing thinking. Society which demands answers to the question, what’s the end goal? Why do it? What’s the point? Why?
Simon Sinek said it best when he said start with your why. If you embrace it, the rest will fall into place. If our why as women entrepreneurs is to make an impact and a meaningful difference in the world through our products and leadership, we can do that. We can work and have it be meaningful, fulfilling, and consider aspects of it as part of our self-care.
Self-care has been commercialized, having us thinking of vacations, massages, and manicures. In previous talks, I’ve invited others to redefine self-care as rest versus restoration. Rest is easy to measure. Taking brain breaks, vegging out, getting enough sleep. But what feels so enticing for creative entrepreneurs is restoration. What energizes you, invigorates you, inspires you? From this lens, it’s not surprising that parts of our business can restore us. Creativity. Leadership. Integrity and Purpose.
Adam Grant highlights the importance of creativity in the workplace by showing that employees who had 20% of their work hours carved out for creativity were more productive, were responsible for some of the latest innovations to change the world, and were more emotionally invested in their workplace. Does this not sound like a great recipe for burnout prevention and challenging our workaholic culture?
I’m asking you to change your beliefs about the churn. Creativity and enjoying the process in your work can be self-care. Creativity at work serves the dual purpose of encouraging feelings of productivity and contentment. Working may not be rest but it can be restorative. Therefore it can be part of your self-care practice. Do something you enjoy with excellence, and the fruits of a fulfilling life will follow.
