Navigating Entrepreneurial Burnout

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Burnout is an experience that doesn’t discriminate. It can happen to anyone, which is why 75% of working Americans report they’ve experienced symptoms of burnout while in the workforce (MHA and FlexJobs, July 2020). It’s one aspect that pushes people into entrepreneurship, amidst a desire for control, pursuing passions, and an enticing vision of working for ourselves.

Yet what happens when we feel burnt out as an entrepreneur? When there’s no quitting a job to pursue our own goals and dreams? When setting our own schedule actually means working more than a 9-5? When the hustle and grind culture remains, this time labeled as entrepreneurial spirit because we feel compelled to think and dream about our business 24/7 to see it grow. Does this sound like you? I can definitely relate and so can my clients. I share that I’ve experienced professional burnout 1.5 times, and it’s a reason other professionals have begun exploring their entrepreneurial burnout in working with me.

Entrepreneurship is celebrated because of the possibilities it presents, but it’s also hard. Perhaps you recall the graph that claimed to depict the day-to-day life of an entrepreneur. It was an image full of ups and downs that went viral because of how relatable it was. From this interpretation, we can assume that for every success, there are long nights, high anxiety, fluctuating uncertainty, and gobs of self-doubt. Experience stress for too long and we find ourselves in entrepreneurial burnout.

So how do we keep a flow to work and life that prevents entrepreneurial burnout from happening? I like the word ‘flow’ because the word ‘balance’ implies equal parts work and homelife, which might not feel realistic. Instead, professionals are redefining expectations of work-life balance as work-life flow. For example, perhaps you are launching a new program or product for six weeks and live very much in work, followed by a scheduled break with time away to reconnect with family, thus re-entering the homelife space. Maybe you immerse yourself in entrepreneurial projects from 8am-12pm then attend to family needs the rest of the day. How would your work-life flow show?

Knowing that work-life flow is one piece of a complex puzzle, here are some other tools that can help you address burnout as an entrepreneur. Want the worksheets to make these tasks easier? Grab your free download of our 22 skills for busy professionals at Perfectioneur.com

1.     Craft your ideal schedule

Have you ever sat down to explore your ideal schedule? What would it be if you weren’t subjecting yourself to the hustle or grind culture of being your own boss? Would you have Fridays off? Be done for dinner each night? Take two weeks off at the holidays to visit family? By crafting your ideal schedule and seeing it on paper, it becomes more real. How does it compare to your current schedule? What’s one step you can take to be closer to your ideal schedule?

2.     Identify tasks to delegate or remove

This is a difficult ask for lots of entrepreneurs who self-identify as control freaks or disclose that their business is their baby. And yet freeing up our creative time by delegating tasks we don’t enjoy can make bigger change happen that much more quickly! Want to identify which tasks to delegate first? Grabbing our worksheet to walk through ranking daily and monthly tasks for enjoyment can be a great place to start!

3.     Revisit your Top Ten Priorities

That’s right, as a former workaholic, I’m a fan of having ten goals or priorities at a time! As you explore your current status within entrepreneurial burnout, where are you in your progress with your goals? Are you feeling far from achieving them, which could speak to the burnout itself? Are your goals forgotten or on the backburner, which is contributing to your feelings of being adrift or unfocused? Do you need to revise your top ten priorities to include health and wellness to recover from current burnout symptoms?

By no means are these the only strategies to fight entrepreneurial burnout. After all, burnout is complex for many in the workplace, whether they work for others or for themselves. I also want to honor the possibility that some entrepreneurs will read this and decide to work for someone else to regain the structure they crave and to experience a more clear separation of work and home. I see you. Of course that is an option. Regardless of what you decide to do in your own career journey, my hope is that we can continue to talk about the many strategies of burnout prevention and recovery so that we don’t lose people or their passions to a cultural norm of workaholism and exhaustion.

Some Workaholism Wins in Motherhood

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Let me be clear, workaholism is not the goal. In fact, workaholism was the reason for my professional burnout in 2016-2018 and very nearly a second round in 2020 in response to the uncertainty of the pandemic. Yet as I continue to reflect on how things have changed for me as a new mom with a now five month old, I find myself grateful for some of things that workaholism has taught me. Although stressful, painful and bad for my health, in some ways I feel workaholism prepared me for the challenges of being a mom! Here’s what I mean:

1)    Waking at 3am: Whether I found myself wide awake at 3am with a new creative, entrepreneurial idea or waking up at 3am to feed the baby, I’ve found that it hasn’t been nearly as painful to be awake at this early hour. It’s almost like my creative wakings were a rehearsal for the important job of handling odd hours as a mom.

2)    Embracing Flexibility: As a Type-A person, flexibility isn’t always my strong suit. But being an entrepreneur has taught me to be flexible, changing up routines and pivoting to add projects and ideas to keep my brain engaged. This same flexibility is something I had to call upon as a new mom who was learning her daughter’s wants and needs. Planned a lunch but the baby tells me it’s time to go home? I go! Wanted to watch a movie and got interrupted? We try again another time. Hoping to get some work done but she wakes early from her nap. We pivot! Flexibility is a must in motherhood.

3)    Setting up Systems: Workaholism for many is about fitting in lots of work projects and thinking about work 24/7. Although I don’t recommend this level of hustle for anyone, the constant mental energy directed towards my business led me to discover systems and tools to keep things running smoothly. Why does this matter? When on maternity leave, this allowed me the privilege of taking quality time with my baby and still having my business running, mostly without me. Without systems in place, this would have been a lot more stressful to manage on minimal hours of sleep.

On the flip side, what has motherhood taught me about workaholism?

4)    Downtime is Good: Taking time to rest, cuddle my baby, and take a nap are all good for creativity. It’s important to be bored and let our minds wander once in awhile. I felt my creativity coming back on maternity leave about halfway through and attribute it to downtime where the baby was sleeping on me and there was no work I wanted to do or could do. Enter new ideas and goals for the future!

5)    Work-Life Balance is Better: We all strive for work-life balance but how do we know if we’ve achieved it? I’ve been pleasantly surprised at my shift from working all the time to working enough to meet my business needs and nothing more. This allows me to have quality time with my baby while not adding too much financial stress. I couldn’t do this for myself in my burnout, but it’s been easy to do when thinking about how much I want to be there for my daughter.

6)    It’s a Different Flavor: Don’t get me wrong, like most moms, I don’t get the luxury of sitting around and doing nothing in working less hours with clients. The demanding work hours are still present, just a different flavor. It’s a flavor composed of meeting an infant’s needs and attempting to still get other functioning things done like laundry and emails. I’ve added to my stress plate in some ways, and taken away from it in others. It’s a balancing act that’s constantly evolving as my daughter grows.

Can you relate? Just a few musings on workaholism and motherhood. Although I don’t wish workaholism on anyone, I have found gratitude in my experience, including being thankful for the things it has taught me at this stage in my life. What has workaholism taught you? You too may find yourself pleasantly surprised at the unexpected gifts it reveals!

Stopping the Steamroll

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We’ve all been there. Talking down to ourselves, allowing our inner critic to drive, or letting imposter syndrome win. I felt all that and more as my baby cried for an agonizing sixty minutes. I’d gone through the new parent checklist. Hungry? No. Wet? Nope. Tired? Not really. Too hot? Maybe? It was another 6pm witching hour and I felt helpless as she cried. A helplessness that was made worse by my inability to fix things when I usually feel somewhat capable.

Motherhood is different. Thankfully my daughter tired herself out and reset her little body through a nap in the soothing vibrations of her bouncy chair (thank goodness). The sudden absence of scream-crying allowed me to reset too, which had me wondering if the same strategies I’ve used with driven professionals could help me reset after a challenging time with an infant.

Such as how do we stop the steamroll? I originally described stopping the steamroll related to productivity, workaholism, and desires for control in my book Perfectioneur: From Workaholic to Well-Balanced. I highlighted how driven professionals may steamroll over internal and external warning signs of poor work-life balance and burnout or even steamroll over others for a sense of control. But what about when the steamroll happens in our own heads? The negative thought spiral that says we’re stupid, horrible, or not good enough? I knew I needed to revisit my strategies to stop the steamroll after the difficult evening with my 2-month-old. Let’s look at “the Four R’s” together.

Strategy #1: Rest

I found myself sitting in the quiet after her witching hour. I could have distracted myself with food, chores, or my phone. But instead I allowed myself to take a few breaths and just notice what my body and mind were doing. My body was trying to bring my shoulders down from around my ears. My mind was trying to find an explanation for why my daughter struggled this evening. For you, rest may be sitting still, gentle walking, or intentional stretching in a quiet place. After so much stimulation, I welcomed the cool and quiet of my room to finally rest as my baby slept. Bringing the body to rest allows us to start the reset process.

Strategy #2: Reframe

The more I talk with other parents, the more I realize I’m not alone in having a baby who fusses sometimes. To have the witching hour confirmed as something other parents experience was immensely affirming. Now that we were out of the most current witching hour episode, I knew I wanted to reframe the situation to avoid setting up camp with my inner critic. After all, she’s pretty harsh. So instead of allowing my critic to repeat how inept of a parent I am, I reframed the situation as another learning experience. Statements like, ‘I’m still learning about my daughter, she’ll 11 weeks old. I can do this. She’s safe, I’m safe.’  What reframes do you need in the face of stress?

Strategy #3: Reinforce

Once I reframed the situation, I wanted to put energy towards the more positive statements. I wanted to reinforce the good over the bad. Reinforcing can happen through bilateral tapping or mindful walking. It could be sharing your experience with others and practicing the reframe out loud. I found myself turning to fellow mothers who understand the difficulties of a baby’s witching hour and shared my reframes with them. Not only did this help me feel connected, the reinforcement allowed me to access gratitude and self-compassion in a tough situation.

Strategy #4: Restore

The last piece of the stopping the steamroll puzzle is to restore. To get back to square one. What energizes, invigorates, and restores you? In my motherhood example, restoring meant bonding with my daughter and engaging in pleasant activities to remove the spotlight on challenging moments. It meant cuddling and walks together in the sunshine. It meant finding reasons to laugh instead of cry. It meant making new memories and getting some sleep.

Whatever your stressor, know that steamrolling doesn’t have to be your first response. We can stop the steamroll and quiet our inner critics together. The four R’s helped me find more laughs than tears in motherhood. The same could apply to other stressors in your life. It’s not perfect, but I’m right there alongside you! We are doing our best and that’s enough.

Dear Workaholic Mothers

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I see you. Motherhood is a different flavor of workaholism. It caught me by surprise. It’s a workaholism where society normalizes sleep deprivation, never having time to yourself, constantly being touched, and being overwhelmed by tasks. It’s made lighter by saying you are successful if you get to brush your teeth and take a shower each day. Knowing these things, I did my best to prepare for a significant change, however the lived experience of motherhood has brought some new perspective.

Perspective that came to me in a flood of tears. I was attempting to watch a movie with my spouse on a Sunday together when my mood tanked. As a therapist, of course I wanted to know why. As I sat with the heavy emotions, I recognized the feelings as familiar to my worst workaholic days. The feelings–and the thoughts that went with them–were all themed around not having enough time. Not enough time as a mother, time with my spouse, time to create as an entrepreneur, time to relax, and the list goes on. I found myself back in neuroticism about tracking time. When did my daughter last eat? What time do we need to get ready for bed? Do I have time for a nap? Can I find time for that phone call? What time will her witching hour start? Can I run that last errand before she loses it? 

Having to track time as a mom has triggered the unpleasant, familiar feeling of scarcity. Time scarcity. Which is wrapped up in a workaholism response for me and other driven individuals. Now the tears make sense! If I believe I have no time, would I feel forced to forgo quality time to work? Skip a much needed nap to create? Cram in a task out of a sense of urgency? Fixate on all the things I haven’t done in the day? This was new territory for me as someone who embraces structure in her day-to-day life, including nine wonderful hours of sleep a night and carving out time for writing and creativity each week. Alas, a baby doesn’t subscribe to that schedule. 

Luckily, I have a loving spouse who wishes to remain an involved parent and partner. So we started talking about the tears and what they represented, allowing me to gain even further clarity on how workaholic women can make motherhood work for them rather than our knee-jerk reaction to cram it all in.

Motherhood can be manageable if:

• You aren’t isolated – The isolation of being alone with your child all day, every day is intimidating at first. Can isolation make postpartum anxiety and depression worse? Yes. How can you get out a couple times a week, like sitting outside, a walk around the neighborhood, or a drive where your baby can sleep?

• You have help – Becoming a mom has given me an additional dose of respect for single parents. This job is hard! I’m grateful to have a support system that includes my spouse and family who love to spend time with my daughter. Who is in your support network? Embrace times where baby can be held or watched by others to allow moments of productivity, creating a welcomed mood boost for workaholics.

• You focus on routines instead of schedules – Babies are constantly changing which means they don’t stick to a schedule, no matter how hard a workaholic mom tries. I, myself have learned to embrace routine over schedule. The routine might be to change a diaper, bathe my baby, and then feed my baby, but the timing of that is really dependent on her needs rather than the time on the clock each day.

• You try to be flexible – This is a big ask for workaholics as we want to control everything! So flexibility might be being gentle with yourself when you’re running late, have to reschedule plans, or need to cancel a meeting for a nap that keeps you functioning.

• You know your limits – Yes, even workaholics have limits. We want to cram it all in, even in motherhood. So what are your warning signs that you’ve overdone it? Do you find yourself more irritable? Clumsy? Fatigued? Take these cues into account as you plan your weeks so you can adjust accordingly.

• You watch for the witching hour – Did you know your baby has a witching hour? I didn’t until I experienced it several days in a row at 6PM. After a day of stimulation where everything is new to your baby, they may just decide they’ve had enough at the end of the day. And by enough, I mean they lose it including crying, screaming, and being inconsolable at times. This is extremely tough when you too are tired and fatigued at the end of the day. To feel more prepared, I’ve announced to friends and family that we have to be home by 6PM from any event or gathering, at least for now. You too can set limits on socializing to be home for those routines that regulate your baby during the witching hour, such as limited sounds, smells and the dark and quiet of their room.

As a new mom, I know this is just the beginning of what I can only imagine is a steep learning curve. Yet I hope these thoughts will help other workaholics (or recovering workaholics) embrace motherhood from a place of wonder and curiosity. It’s an opportunity to stretch out of our comfort zones for the better. As driven individuals we can frame it as a challenge that helps us move into better work-life balance, if not for ourselves, then for our children. 

Challenge accepted.

Participation Trophies and Perfectionism

What if participation trophies have caused more harm than good? The running criticism of the Millennial generation is that participation trophies were awarded to kids to make sure no one was left out and to promote a feeling that everyone wins. Enter eye rolls of the older generations as we explore how participation trophies could be a possible culprit of increased perfectionism in both Millennial and Gen Z generations.

The Millennial generation is defined roughly as individuals born 1980-1996. Stereotyped as the entitled generation that moves from one job to the next, Simon Sinek was willing to name some of the challenges in his viral video on Millennials in the workplace. Dr. Jean Twenge explored additional factors for this generation in her book Generation Me. Thanks to her research, I discovered a detailed picture of how and why perfectionism has elevated since the early 1980s. Additionally, the full experience of Millennial finances and workaholism is captured in Anne Helen Petersen’s book Can’t Even: How Millennials Became the Burnout Generation.

Following the Millennial generation, Gen Z captures folks born roughly 1996-2004 and has been named a generation that is more open to talking about mental health, quality of life, and feelings of isolation. Dr. Twenge dedicates a book to this generation’s challenges called iGen: Why Today’s Super-Connected Kids Are Growing Up Less Rebellious, More Tolerant, Less Happy—And What That Means for the Rest of Us. Serving this population in my mental health practice, I continue to see themes of perfectionism, anxiety, and burnout based on high expectations of themselves to perform well and achieve success.

How does this connect back to participation trophies? Please allow me to explain. A client of mine was doing therapeutic work around messaging their received in childhood about their worth being wrapped up in what they do. Their belief was that the more they do, the more value they possess in the eyes of others. They described getting a participation trophy for an event and recognized that it mean nothing to them because everyone else got one too. Not only that, they felt the trophy encouraged imposter syndrome in feeling like a fraud! Therefore my client felt they had to work even harder to earn accolades and positive feedback on their worth as they got older. Enter workaholism, poor boundaries, and absent self-care which landed them in my office.

Does this resonate with you as it does with me? As an Elder Millennial and therapist, I recognize powerful patterns in my own worth as well as my clients work. Is it possible that participation trophies started a spiral of messaging that our worth is wrapped up in what we do? Combined with money earned for good grades, promotions for working overtime, and focusing on our children’s accomplishments when asked how they are, is this not the perfect storm for perfectionism, workaholism, and resulting burnout as adults?

Participation trophies are not the only piece of this puzzle. I am honored to continue this journey of self-discovery with my clients as a Perfectioneur, mental health therapist, and burnout consultant. My client’s disclosure provided another layer of perspective related to rising perfectionism and burnout in these two generations. It’s not the end of our story! Our narratives of self-worth, value, and workaholism are worth exploring and rewriting to remove our badges of busyness and achieve better work-life balance!

How to Stop Celebrating Noble Burnout

What if we’ve received messaging that we are only as good as what we do for others? This is a common core belief for helping professionals. Subconscious or not, it has the potential to increase risks of poor boundaries, workaholism, and burnout.

If we choose a profession built on caring, responding, and helping, we tend to carry the weight of being vigilant, responsive, and always “on.”  As we work harder to help others and meet work demands, we pay less attention to our own boundaries for self-care and that superhero cape stays on way too long.

It’s a phenomenon I like to call Noble Burnout. The cape starts to weigh us down as we run the risk of forgetting our own needs entirely, which results in burnout. Yet we are praised for our sacrifices and our worth remains defined in what we do for others. While the effort to help so many people is noble, it’s not sustainable as we neglect our own self-care needs. Even superheroes need a break.

Finding Balance Over Noble Burnout

1) Learn to Say No, More. I’ve heard it called “acting your wage.” Stop working for free when what you offer has value! Having some prepared phrases or responses can help you hold your boundaries and practice of saying no.

2) Improve Your Relationship with Money. Exploring your money messages will help you identify a healthier relationship with your finances as a professional. What if you think poorly of people who are rich or well-off? What if you worry about becoming Scrooge? These internal beliefs may prevent you from meeting your full financial potential because you worry about the impression you make on others. Healing your money story is an important piece to the Noble Burnout puzzle.

3) Remember Your Values. If you are working within your values, you’ll enjoy the rewards of fulfillment and purpose at work and home. If your values are absent, how can you bring them back into the equation? If our values are identified and prioritized, we can utilize them as a healthy gauge for wellness rather than misplaced fuel for the Noble Burnout fire.

4) Embrace Authenticity. You are a person first and professional helper second. This means being able to honor your needs and take break. Being human, having limits, and saying no are all allowed.

Together we can stop subscribing to Noble Burnout as helping professionals and as a community! Just imagine what we could accomplish if we weren’t celebrating self-sacrifice and instead chose to celebrate self-care.

What if Working is Your Self-Care?

I was bonding with other powerhouse business women in a working retreat recently and was asked to facilitate a goal-setting exercise. What do we want to accomplish in the next six months and how can we help one another achieve these goals? I’d had them narrow it down. Brainstorm. Prioritize. Share. Ask for help.

Then it was my turn. I jumped in with enthusiasm, rattling off my goals of book sales, the Amazon best-seller list, and a TED Talk. I was excited to share! To manifest, to make it more real. And then came the question. “Khara,” one of my colleagues said, “that sounds great. But, what’s the end goal?” I felt my excitement wheeze and deflate like an untied balloon. I felt confused, unsure, and started to sweat. Why couldn’t I come up with an answer for her? An answer for myself? I knew in my heart that I didn’t want to retire early and not have work. Working gives me a sense of direction. Work gives me purpose. More specifically, creating gives me purpose. And yet I didn’t know the end-result. Through a constricted throat, I claimed I’d have to get back to her, finding my mind going blank.

Soon after the retreat, she texted me. “Khara, I owe you an apology. My question to you was flawed from the beginning. It was a projection of societal expectations that there has to be a particular outcome more than just enjoying the process. Enjoying the process might be the point and that is actually really beautiful.” She proceeded to send me this quote:

“The fruits of a fulfilling life—happiness, confidence, enthusiasm, purpose, and money—are mainly the by-products of doing something we enjoy, with excellence, rather than the things we can seek directly.”    --Dan Miller

The tightness in my chest loosened, the panic of not having an answer and worrying about not having an answer, lifted. I felt seen. It lead me to a question of, “what if working is my self-care?” What if working is yours?

They say “if you do what you love, you’ll never work a day in your life.” That may be true for some, but it’s also one of the villains we blame for our current workaholic culture. Doing what we love is a privilege. Does the work invigorate you? Inspire you? Feed your soul?

I can tell you that creating for me brings feelings of happiness and joy. It’s as close as I get to contentment in knowing I’m producing things of value. I can also tell you that to the outside world, I’m churning things out at a breakneck speed. A speed which others might find unhealthy, believing I subscribe to workaholic culture, I am workaholic culture, and that I need to take it down a notch. That I’m steamrolling instead of stopping to smell the roses. They assume I don’t get enough sleep.

There’s a sweet spot for functioning in a productivity loop. For those creatives out there, you get it. We get ideas in the shower, while driving, and at 4am out of blue. We feel a rush to put our ideas into motion, creating something that can have a positive impact for ourselves and others. We do in fact maintain enough sleep to get to good ideas, the ahas that inspire action. So to tell us to slow down, stop our work, or accuse us of poor self-care is missing the mark. It’s once again operating from the flawed lens of society. The all or nothing thinking. Society which demands answers to the question, what’s the end goal? Why do it? What’s the point? Why?

Simon Sinek said it best when he said start with your why. If you embrace it, the rest will fall into place. If our why as women entrepreneurs is to make an impact and a meaningful difference in the world through our products and leadership, we can do that. We can work and have it be meaningful, fulfilling, and consider aspects of it as part of our self-care.

Self-care has been commercialized, having us thinking of vacations, massages, and manicures. In previous talks, I’ve invited others to redefine self-care as rest versus restoration. Rest is easy to measure. Taking brain breaks, vegging out, getting enough sleep. But what feels so enticing for creative entrepreneurs is restoration. What energizes you, invigorates you, inspires you? From this lens, it’s not surprising that parts of our business can restore us. Creativity. Leadership. Integrity and Purpose.

Adam Grant highlights the importance of creativity in the workplace by showing that employees who had 20% of their work hours carved out for creativity were more productive, were responsible for some of the latest innovations to change the world, and were more emotionally invested in their workplace. Does this not sound like a great recipe for burnout prevention and challenging our workaholic culture?

I’m asking you to change your beliefs about the churn. Creativity and enjoying the process in your work can be self-care. Creativity at work serves the dual purpose of encouraging feelings of productivity and contentment. Working may not be rest but it can be restorative. Therefore it can be part of your self-care practice. Do something you enjoy with excellence, and the fruits of a fulfilling life will follow.

From Workaholic to Well-Balanced in COVID

These strategies are for you if:

1) Work has become your first priority over family, relationships, self-care, or social activities

2) You’ve have a hard time saying no to more projects, more time, or more opportunities

3) You’ve canceled social plans because of having to work more or work late

4) You’ve been working weekends or late into the evening in an attempt to get ahead

5) You’ve checked your emails compulsively when feeling bored

6) You’ve felt guilty or restless when experiencing down time

7) You’ve worked while on vacation

8) Your sleep is disrupted by anxiety or worry about your business

9) You’ve taken on more in wanting to feel stable financially

10) When people ask how you are, you’ve said "busy."

Do you worry that you are a workaholic? Studies indicate an increase in work addiction or workaholism thanks to COVID restricting our after work activities and lifestyles. Let’s take a deeper dive into how things have shifted.

COVID has challenged our boundaries in the following areas:

·      Work

·      Family

·      Finances

COVID is responsible for symptoms like:

·      Poor work-life separation

·      Sleep disruption

·      Loss of energy and increased fatigue

·      Loss of creativity

·      Increased workaholism

·      Increased stress (scarcity and uncertainty)

·      Limited opportunities for connection

·      Isolation and loneliness

·      Relationship conflict

·      Shorter fuse and increased irritability

·      Brain fog and inattention

·      Escapism

Can you relate? Let’s take a closer look at each sphere that’s been challenged by COVID and what we can do about it.

At Work

Let’s start with the Work Sphere since we are talking about Workaholism. Workaholism can be defined as an addiction to work where work feels like the top priority and there is guilt or anxiety when not working. It also describes serious struggles with work-life separation.

So where is the link between COVID and workaholism?

-Even less work-life separation in working from home

-Increased workaholism in not having after-work activities available

-Loss of creativity in feeling stuck

-Brain fog and inattention

So even though we are working more than ever, people are describing a decline in productivity! Let’s look at some ways to improve your experiences at work.

Work Exercises

1) Set Boundaries

Schedule your lunches, your breaks, your do-no-disturb phone settings at night and on weekends. Your best friend in battling workaholism? The schedule email feature! Even when you have a thought, don’t send an email, schedule it! Model good boundaries for others by having those emails populate on a work day, even if your creativity hits you on weekends or odd hours!

2) Set Rituals to Leave Work at Work.

This may seem harder in not having the commute from your office to your home but it is an opportunity for creativity. Are you powering down your computer? Changing your clothes? Separating work from home by moving to another space? Do you restrict the space you work in rather than having it bleed over onto the couch where you also like to relax? Can you pack up your work items and put them away? One colleague of mine would pack up her things and walk down the hall to the front door and back, mentally transitioning to being home. Whatever ritual works best for you, give it a conscious try for 30 days to see if it makes a difference!

3) Go Lean on Lists

A popular exercise from our Amazon #1 Best Seller Perfectioneur: From Workaholic to Well-Balanced, this may feel even more relevant in battling brain fog. Our minds can only remember 7+-2 memory items at a time.

Write down all the things you want to accomplish in the next 6 months. Next, narrow it down to your top ten priorities. Are they truly your top ten? If so, you aren’t allowed to focus on any of the other tasks until these 10 are done. This means not adding to your list or taking on new projects as a serial entrepreneur. Resistance and anxiety may appear, just know that if you embrace your top 10, the benefits of feeling more focused and productive makes the discomfort worth it!

4) Carve Out Time for Creativity

It’s not about arts and crafts as much as it is about honoring the times when you get your best ideas. Adam Grant speaks about 20% of your work week being allotted for creativity. Are you a morning person who likes to get things done early? Are you a night owl with your best ideas after the quiet of others going to bed? It’s worth taking a look at reworking your schedule to carve out time for these moments of creative thought to support you, your business, and your family.

Family Sphere

Speaking of Family, a second element impacted by COVID and workaholism is the Family Sphere.

-We’ve established there is poor work-life separation. Working from home. Those of you with kids might have had to homeschool at some point.

-The added stress of balancing out added responsibilities is increasing irritability and creating a shorter fuse! Snapping at your kid for leaving dishes in the sink. Coming unglued by the piles of laundry. It’s a lot to manage on a good day, let alone in a pandemic.

-This leads to zoning out and escapism. When overwhelmed or feeling stuck, we feel we want to escape into something easy or effortless. It might be a video game, movie, or show.

-The final area of the family sphere to note is increased relationship conflict. This might be between you and your kids or you and your partner or spouse. Perhaps it’s too much togetherness in quarantine where you can’t take a break from one another. Or isolation and loneliness in not being able to see your family in person very often.

Family Exercises

1) Self-Care Redefined

One way to address these challenges is by redefining Self-care as rest vs. restoration. The commercialized self-care options of vacations and spa days weren’t available at the start of COVID, financially or from a place of feeling safe. If we redefine self-care as rest vs. restoration, something amazing happens, it feels doable again. So what is rest? We are pretty good at resting like staying in our sweats all weekend, not making plans, or binge watching a show. Yet equally important is restoration. What energizes you, invigorates you, restores you to a place where you have energy in the tank again? Perhaps it’s being in nature, petting your dog, listening to music, or dancing around the house? I also encourage you to revisit what you used to enjoy as a kid. Is it about flying a kite, having a picnic, or playing with LEGO?

2) Self-Care Solo or Together

Once you get the juices flowing on possible self-care activities, I want to challenge you to have some ideas for each of these four categories:

·      solo quiet (like reading a book, writing, knitting, meditating)

·      solo active (like taking a walk, stretching, dancing around the house)

·      together quiet (like listening to music, watching a show, taking a drive)

·      together active (like cooking, an exercise class, learning something new)

By having ideas that fit all four categories, you have a greater likelihood to remain flexible in the face of fatigue, picking the activity that works best to restore you. What I appreciate about these exercises is that they don’t cost a lot of money. After all, our last sphere impacted by COVID is the Finances Sphere.

Finances Sphere

What if the rise in Workaholism is due to:

-Financial insecurity –Our changing economy and fluctuating revenue? What if we find ourselves reacting by reducing spending and increased anxiety? Have you noticed anger and a desire for control around a fluctuating bank account or compulsively checking to see what funds are available each day?

-This leads to us operating from a place of scarcity. Due to uncertainty and the unknown, we find ourselves worries about the what ifs. What if I get laid off? Fired? What if I lose my job? Lose my contract? What if I can’t pay my bills?

Finances Exercise

Based on this stressful experience, we want to take our power back.

Grab a pen and paper and try out this writing exercise. Ask yourself:

1. What is my current relationship with money?  Allow the thoughts and feelings to come out on paper, unscripted and unfiltered. What themes do you notice?

2. How do you want your relationship with money to shift or change? Again, allow the thoughts and feelings to pour freely. What’s one thing you can do to get yourself that one step closer to a healthier relationship with your money?

A Money Quiz

Ready to look a little deeper? There are four scripts that provide messaging of how we should behave with our money. Let’s look at a quiz first and record your responses.

B) Here’s a playful Quiz to get us started in a conversation about our relationship with money

You get a bonus at work. You decide to:

1. Buy that pair of shoes you’ve been eyeing. (S)

2. Put it straight into your 401K. (V)

3. Text your besties, “we’re going out and I’m buying!” (W)

4. What bonus? You haven’t checked your bank account balance in weeks. (A)

You’re calculating your quarterly taxes for your business this year and find yourself:

1. Feeling confident that you’ve put enough aside for when taxes are due. (V)

2. Hoping for a tax return to fund your next much-needed vacation. (W)

3. Starting to sweat. Can’t you put this off until next week? (A)

4. Excited to upgrade to the latest phone you’ve been wanting. (S)

Your parent wants to sit down and talk about their estate planning as part of their retirement. You respond by:

1. Brushing them off saying you are busy for several months. (A)

2. Giving advice on what they should do with all their money. (S)

3. Asking how you can help celebrate their hard work. (W)

4. Worrying about how the maintain the estate if they ask you to. (V)

You stumble across a video on the importance of running financial reports as a business owner. Your reaction is:

1. Determination to work even harder to see those numbers grow. (W)

2. An upset stomach and your mind going blank. (A)

3. Anticipation about your next big purchase. (S)

4. Eagerness to invest your profits for your future. (V)

Curious what the quiz means? The responses are capturing the 4 scripts in action!

Avoidant (A)

“I don’t want to talk about money.”

·      Doesn’t ask for raises or promotions

·      Minimizes own abilities and paid opportunities

·      Requires workaholism to make ends meet?

Worship (W)

“The more money I make, the happier I’ll be.”

·      May experience hoarding

·      May spend in large amounts to show love to others

·      Increased risk of workaholism

Status (S)

“My self-worth is tied into how much money I make.”

·      Desire to display wealth publicly

·      More often seen in young adults

·      Work hard, play hard

Vigilant (V)

“I can feel in control of my money.”

·      Doesn’t spend money lavishly or gamble

·      High anxiety about money

·      Difficulty enjoying money due to feelings of guilt after purchases

Which script do you relate to most? Which script do you prefer? What’s one thing you can do to get yourself one step closer to a healthier relationship with your money?

Workaholism continues to impact work, family, and finances. Are you ready to celebrate work-life balance and leave workaholism behind? Practicing solid work boundaries, redefining self-care, and healing your money relationship can bring you closer to balance. Grab our Amazon #1 Best-Seller Perfectioneur: From Workaholic to Well-Balanced and subscribe to our YouTube channel for even more tools.