The Human in the Helper: My plans went so sideways

Christie is a mom, published author, therapist, and creator of The Partnerhood, a digital community for supportive parenting strategies and connection. It’s creation is partly inspired by her own journey into motherhood of two children. “Both times rocked my world in different ways,” Christie named. The first time was marked not only by a traumatic birth experience, but also by undiagnosed postpartum anxiety and having no network of local support outside of one friend and her husband. She spoke of the experience of becoming a mother in isolation and with limited support, something many mothers can understand from their own, similar experiences. In addition to a traumatic birth experience with her first child, Christie identified that starting her private practice while pregnant wasn’t an easy task. “I wouldn’t recommend it,” she teased. “It was like having two babies at once.”

Her second child was born in November 2019, with COVID following close behind. “I felt like I started off with a strong plan. I had recently gained more friendships with other moms, was in a good place mentally, my business was flourishing, but after only a few weeks into getting my daughter into daycare, everything shut down. I felt so isolated. It threw me into a deep depression.” Christie shared how the pandemic took away her already limited support network and left her home by herself with her two young kids. “My husband was able to leave the house every day for work, almost like normal. Meanwhile, I was thrown into homeschooling a kindergartener, seeing clients virtually, and caring for my baby.” Her depression symptoms deepened to the point where she was experiencing suicidal thoughts and wanted to give up. “I started looking for a therapist, but had little luck.”

Christie identified how difficult it was to find a therapist at that time because it was the height of COVID-19 in 2020, when many folks were looking for support. “I even called the crisis line, knowing I needed to talk to somebody.” She was finally able to start working with someone, although it was a process to feel more like herself again. “I was resentful. I was ragey with my kids. I had to ask myself, what do I need?”

Working on her needs post-pandemic included prioritizing external supports and including regular meetups with friends, quiet time to herself, therapy, and activities like yoga, hiking, and reading. Many parents can relate to the effort of taking care of themselves as well as their families, and learning how to juggle it well. “I don’t like the word ‘balance’ because it still symbolizes piling things on to get it all done. You can technically ‘balance’ a really heavy load, but that doesn’t mean it’s healthy. I prefer ‘work-life harmony’ instead,” Christie shared.

What is work-life harmony? Christie describes it as taking care of ourselves, our loved ones, and our businesses with a grounded satisfaction that leads to feelings of happiness and fulfillment. Having solid supports and self-care are part of this equation for Christie, who said, “Parenting is hard. Having a solid foundation of support makes a huge difference.”  She hopes others will cultivate supports as part of their own mental health and wellness journey, and she has plans to re-launch The Partnerhood as another avenue of support and connection for other overwhelmed parents. “Loneliness is magnified without support and quality support eliminates isolation.”

Things happen to us as humans, even as we support our clients as professional helpers. Do you have a story you want to share the mental health community? Email us at croswaitecounselingpllc@gmail.com to learn more about the Human in the Helper Series!

From Workaholic to Well-Balanced in COVID

These strategies are for you if:

1) Work has become your first priority over family, relationships, self-care, or social activities

2) You’ve have a hard time saying no to more projects, more time, or more opportunities

3) You’ve canceled social plans because of having to work more or work late

4) You’ve been working weekends or late into the evening in an attempt to get ahead

5) You’ve checked your emails compulsively when feeling bored

6) You’ve felt guilty or restless when experiencing down time

7) You’ve worked while on vacation

8) Your sleep is disrupted by anxiety or worry about your business

9) You’ve taken on more in wanting to feel stable financially

10) When people ask how you are, you’ve said "busy."

Do you worry that you are a workaholic? Studies indicate an increase in work addiction or workaholism thanks to COVID restricting our after work activities and lifestyles. Let’s take a deeper dive into how things have shifted.

COVID has challenged our boundaries in the following areas:

·      Work

·      Family

·      Finances

COVID is responsible for symptoms like:

·      Poor work-life separation

·      Sleep disruption

·      Loss of energy and increased fatigue

·      Loss of creativity

·      Increased workaholism

·      Increased stress (scarcity and uncertainty)

·      Limited opportunities for connection

·      Isolation and loneliness

·      Relationship conflict

·      Shorter fuse and increased irritability

·      Brain fog and inattention

·      Escapism

Can you relate? Let’s take a closer look at each sphere that’s been challenged by COVID and what we can do about it.

At Work

Let’s start with the Work Sphere since we are talking about Workaholism. Workaholism can be defined as an addiction to work where work feels like the top priority and there is guilt or anxiety when not working. It also describes serious struggles with work-life separation.

So where is the link between COVID and workaholism?

-Even less work-life separation in working from home

-Increased workaholism in not having after-work activities available

-Loss of creativity in feeling stuck

-Brain fog and inattention

So even though we are working more than ever, people are describing a decline in productivity! Let’s look at some ways to improve your experiences at work.

Work Exercises

1) Set Boundaries

Schedule your lunches, your breaks, your do-no-disturb phone settings at night and on weekends. Your best friend in battling workaholism? The schedule email feature! Even when you have a thought, don’t send an email, schedule it! Model good boundaries for others by having those emails populate on a work day, even if your creativity hits you on weekends or odd hours!

2) Set Rituals to Leave Work at Work.

This may seem harder in not having the commute from your office to your home but it is an opportunity for creativity. Are you powering down your computer? Changing your clothes? Separating work from home by moving to another space? Do you restrict the space you work in rather than having it bleed over onto the couch where you also like to relax? Can you pack up your work items and put them away? One colleague of mine would pack up her things and walk down the hall to the front door and back, mentally transitioning to being home. Whatever ritual works best for you, give it a conscious try for 30 days to see if it makes a difference!

3) Go Lean on Lists

A popular exercise from our Amazon #1 Best Seller Perfectioneur: From Workaholic to Well-Balanced, this may feel even more relevant in battling brain fog. Our minds can only remember 7+-2 memory items at a time.

Write down all the things you want to accomplish in the next 6 months. Next, narrow it down to your top ten priorities. Are they truly your top ten? If so, you aren’t allowed to focus on any of the other tasks until these 10 are done. This means not adding to your list or taking on new projects as a serial entrepreneur. Resistance and anxiety may appear, just know that if you embrace your top 10, the benefits of feeling more focused and productive makes the discomfort worth it!

4) Carve Out Time for Creativity

It’s not about arts and crafts as much as it is about honoring the times when you get your best ideas. Adam Grant speaks about 20% of your work week being allotted for creativity. Are you a morning person who likes to get things done early? Are you a night owl with your best ideas after the quiet of others going to bed? It’s worth taking a look at reworking your schedule to carve out time for these moments of creative thought to support you, your business, and your family.

Family Sphere

Speaking of Family, a second element impacted by COVID and workaholism is the Family Sphere.

-We’ve established there is poor work-life separation. Working from home. Those of you with kids might have had to homeschool at some point.

-The added stress of balancing out added responsibilities is increasing irritability and creating a shorter fuse! Snapping at your kid for leaving dishes in the sink. Coming unglued by the piles of laundry. It’s a lot to manage on a good day, let alone in a pandemic.

-This leads to zoning out and escapism. When overwhelmed or feeling stuck, we feel we want to escape into something easy or effortless. It might be a video game, movie, or show.

-The final area of the family sphere to note is increased relationship conflict. This might be between you and your kids or you and your partner or spouse. Perhaps it’s too much togetherness in quarantine where you can’t take a break from one another. Or isolation and loneliness in not being able to see your family in person very often.

Family Exercises

1) Self-Care Redefined

One way to address these challenges is by redefining Self-care as rest vs. restoration. The commercialized self-care options of vacations and spa days weren’t available at the start of COVID, financially or from a place of feeling safe. If we redefine self-care as rest vs. restoration, something amazing happens, it feels doable again. So what is rest? We are pretty good at resting like staying in our sweats all weekend, not making plans, or binge watching a show. Yet equally important is restoration. What energizes you, invigorates you, restores you to a place where you have energy in the tank again? Perhaps it’s being in nature, petting your dog, listening to music, or dancing around the house? I also encourage you to revisit what you used to enjoy as a kid. Is it about flying a kite, having a picnic, or playing with LEGO?

2) Self-Care Solo or Together

Once you get the juices flowing on possible self-care activities, I want to challenge you to have some ideas for each of these four categories:

·      solo quiet (like reading a book, writing, knitting, meditating)

·      solo active (like taking a walk, stretching, dancing around the house)

·      together quiet (like listening to music, watching a show, taking a drive)

·      together active (like cooking, an exercise class, learning something new)

By having ideas that fit all four categories, you have a greater likelihood to remain flexible in the face of fatigue, picking the activity that works best to restore you. What I appreciate about these exercises is that they don’t cost a lot of money. After all, our last sphere impacted by COVID is the Finances Sphere.

Finances Sphere

What if the rise in Workaholism is due to:

-Financial insecurity –Our changing economy and fluctuating revenue? What if we find ourselves reacting by reducing spending and increased anxiety? Have you noticed anger and a desire for control around a fluctuating bank account or compulsively checking to see what funds are available each day?

-This leads to us operating from a place of scarcity. Due to uncertainty and the unknown, we find ourselves worries about the what ifs. What if I get laid off? Fired? What if I lose my job? Lose my contract? What if I can’t pay my bills?

Finances Exercise

Based on this stressful experience, we want to take our power back.

Grab a pen and paper and try out this writing exercise. Ask yourself:

1. What is my current relationship with money?  Allow the thoughts and feelings to come out on paper, unscripted and unfiltered. What themes do you notice?

2. How do you want your relationship with money to shift or change? Again, allow the thoughts and feelings to pour freely. What’s one thing you can do to get yourself that one step closer to a healthier relationship with your money?

A Money Quiz

Ready to look a little deeper? There are four scripts that provide messaging of how we should behave with our money. Let’s look at a quiz first and record your responses.

B) Here’s a playful Quiz to get us started in a conversation about our relationship with money

You get a bonus at work. You decide to:

1. Buy that pair of shoes you’ve been eyeing. (S)

2. Put it straight into your 401K. (V)

3. Text your besties, “we’re going out and I’m buying!” (W)

4. What bonus? You haven’t checked your bank account balance in weeks. (A)

You’re calculating your quarterly taxes for your business this year and find yourself:

1. Feeling confident that you’ve put enough aside for when taxes are due. (V)

2. Hoping for a tax return to fund your next much-needed vacation. (W)

3. Starting to sweat. Can’t you put this off until next week? (A)

4. Excited to upgrade to the latest phone you’ve been wanting. (S)

Your parent wants to sit down and talk about their estate planning as part of their retirement. You respond by:

1. Brushing them off saying you are busy for several months. (A)

2. Giving advice on what they should do with all their money. (S)

3. Asking how you can help celebrate their hard work. (W)

4. Worrying about how the maintain the estate if they ask you to. (V)

You stumble across a video on the importance of running financial reports as a business owner. Your reaction is:

1. Determination to work even harder to see those numbers grow. (W)

2. An upset stomach and your mind going blank. (A)

3. Anticipation about your next big purchase. (S)

4. Eagerness to invest your profits for your future. (V)

Curious what the quiz means? The responses are capturing the 4 scripts in action!

Avoidant (A)

“I don’t want to talk about money.”

·      Doesn’t ask for raises or promotions

·      Minimizes own abilities and paid opportunities

·      Requires workaholism to make ends meet?

Worship (W)

“The more money I make, the happier I’ll be.”

·      May experience hoarding

·      May spend in large amounts to show love to others

·      Increased risk of workaholism

Status (S)

“My self-worth is tied into how much money I make.”

·      Desire to display wealth publicly

·      More often seen in young adults

·      Work hard, play hard

Vigilant (V)

“I can feel in control of my money.”

·      Doesn’t spend money lavishly or gamble

·      High anxiety about money

·      Difficulty enjoying money due to feelings of guilt after purchases

Which script do you relate to most? Which script do you prefer? What’s one thing you can do to get yourself one step closer to a healthier relationship with your money?

Workaholism continues to impact work, family, and finances. Are you ready to celebrate work-life balance and leave workaholism behind? Practicing solid work boundaries, redefining self-care, and healing your money relationship can bring you closer to balance. Grab our Amazon #1 Best-Seller Perfectioneur: From Workaholic to Well-Balanced and subscribe to our YouTube channel for even more tools.

“Don’t Just Tolerate Me, Love Me.” Love Languages in the time of COVID-19

Online for Love via Unsplash.com Images

We are more than four months into the pandemic and relationships are feeling stretched, like a too-small shirt across our shoulders, threatening to bust at the seams.  Perhaps you are separated from your loved ones, making the miles, restricted travel, and lack of contact feel unbearable. Maybe you or your loved one is an essential worker, choosing the difficult decision to distance from family and friends in order to reduce the risk of exposure. Or perhaps you’ve been following stay-at-home and safer-at-home orders with your partner or spouse, finding your relationship put to the test.

Some love languages are benefitting from the changes whereas others are being placed on the back burner. Folks with love languages of physical touch and quality time may be the lucky ones to benefit from unexpected, increased time together. Gary Chapman, Author of The Five Love Languages lists them as:

·      Physical Touch

·      Quality Time

·      Words of Affirmation (positive words)

·      Acts of Service

·      Gifts

So how have the love languages been stretched in the time of COVID-19? Quality time may be challenged because even though we are at home or in the same space working, it doesn’t mean it’s quality connection to one another. For physical touch, are we feeling the absence of platonic or comforting touch of others in having to self-isolate at home? Gifts may be limited, acts of service amplified, and words of affirmation may not come easily as we experience the brain fog and exhaustion of the pandemic. In fact, although couples are adapting to the changes, there are several challenges romantic relationships are facing under the strain of COVID-19.

·      Increased fighting

·      Too much togetherness

·      Feeling overstimulated

·      Feeling numb

·      Experiencing low libido

·      Increased stress and anxiety 

·      Difficulty separating work from home

·      Increased irritability

·      Feeling on edge or restless

·      Experiencing financial strain

These stressors don’t necessarily make or break a relationship by themselves, it could be that the accumulation of several factors like these would put a relationship at risk. Therefore it is important to attempt to adjust or adapt in an effort to keep the relationship healthy. Here are some ideas to try when your romantic connection is feeling itchy and uncomfortable.

·      Creative Quality Time: How creative can you get with quality time at home? A movie marathon in the living room full of pillows and blankets? Cooking a meal together? Taking a walk or a bike ride?

·      Rituals to Transition: What rituals are in place to help you both transition from work? Do you have a designated space to work? Can you change your clothes or walk up and down the hall to feel like you are moving from one role to another? Is it a matter of powering down your computer, closing the office door, or putting your laptop away?

·      Choose to Check-in: When do you like to check in on how things are going? Can you choose to check in during a meal or before the day takes off? Is there eye contact to support active listening? 

·      Communicate: It’s going to take additional effort to increase communication when you are already feeling stressed or overwhelmed. Share how you feel. Advocate for your needs. Ask for help. Partners can’t read our minds so it remains important to speak up.

·      The Art of Apart: Time apart can be good for the relationship if you feel like you are right up under one another. Is there a way to engage in hobbies or outdoor activity that gives you permission to miss one another? They say that absence makes the heart grow fonder, perhaps this is possible with a little time apart.

Relationships can grow leaps and bounds through hard times like these. The gratitude you can feel for being in this together is a powerful tool. Embrace new ideas to strengthen your relationship, knowing that blips along the way are expected and normal. The hope is with a little TLC and creativity, your relationship can move from surviving to thriving during COVID-19! 

What Pilots can Teach Perfectioneurs

Pilots and Perfectioneurs have a lot in common. Pilots can serve as examples of Perfectioneurs. The archetype of pilots is often one of confidence, charisma, attention to detail, and assertiveness, placing them one step away from the steamrolling potential of overworked Perfectioneurs. 

Pilot or Perfectioneur?

·      Maintains attention to detail

·      Works long hours

·      Defines identity by what they do

·      Prefers jobs where they are in control 

Make no mistake, we absolutely want people who are driven and have attention to detail flying various aircraft. It is directly connected to our well-being and safety as passengers. We also want to know that the people selected to hold this responsibility are performing at their best. Fit for duty. Therefore it’s no surprise that Aviation Psychologist Dr. Paul Dicken’s guide for pilots to re-enter the workforce during COVID-19 has been downloaded 65,000+ times since its release! 

Being a licensed therapist married to a pilot, I was excited to interview Dr. Dickens as one of 11 Accredited Aviation Psychologists in the EU. His passion for this work was palpable over Zoom and we found ourselves in easy conversation on the similarities between pilots and perfectionists. It’s not surprising then, to recognize that his suggestions in the areas of physical, cognitive, emotional, and relational needs compliment the work-life balance criteria for many other professionals attempting to adapt during COVID-19.

Some recognizable tips from Dr. Dicken’s guide Cleared for Take Off! A Pilot’s Guide to Returning to Flyinginclude: 

·      Set sleep patterns and sleep hygiene rituals

·      Adopt an exercise regimen

·      Gear up for work mode through reading materials and visualization

·      Practice self-awareness to identify how you feel about returning to work

·      Prepare your family for the transition back to work

Meaningful and relevant, these tips apply to entrepreneurs, first responders, and perfectionists as well. Let’s take it a step further to see how pilots address psychological safety at all stages of flight, captured in the acronym IMSAFE and created by the Federal Aviation Administration (FAA).

Illness- Do I have any symptoms?

Medication- Have I taken any over the counter or prescription drugs?

Stress- Am I under psychological pressure from the job? Am I worried about financial problems, health problems, or family discord?

Alcohol-Have I been drinking within 8 hours?

Fatigue- Am I tired or not adequately rested?

Emotion- Am I emotionally upset?

What if we modified the IMSAFE acronym for people during COVID-19 in order to capture what we are tracking as mental health and wellness needs during this challenging time?

Illness- Do I have any symptoms of illness?

Medication- Do I take prescription or over the counter drugs? Do they pose any risk to my functioning? Are they helpful to my functioning?

Stress- In this time of unknown, what’s my current stress level? Does it fluctuate? When?

Alcohol- Am I drinking out of a desire to cope or fight boredom?

Fatigue- How tired do I feel? Am I getting enough sleep? Too much sleep?

Emotion- Am I aware of how I feel? Where do I fall on the spectrum between anxious and numb?

IMSAFE poses some important questions to ask ourselves as we attempt to adapt and change during COVID-19. Change is difficult, especially for professionals that covet feelings of being in control. Therefore pilots and the FAA have a lot to teach us about the importance of checklists to gauge our functioning since it’s subject to change. Perhaps we can consider checking in on our functioning with the IMSAFE acronym. Maybe the tips from Dr. Dicken’s guide can help individuals preparing to return to work. Either way, pilots have a lot to offer perfectionists including disarming resistance and normalizing the vulnerability of adjustment. It’s possible that these resources will pave the way for additional conversations on coping during COVID-19, allowing perfectionist pilots to be the role models of adaptive functioning and pivoting during a pandemic.

Connect with Dr. Dickens on LinkedIn

Check out Dr. Dicken’s full guide here.

See more tips for pilots with the IMSAFE protocol here.

Pivoting in Practice: How to Embrace Business Change within a Pandemic

We’ve been riding the rollercoaster of this pandemic for months. It’s almost hard to believe. We can’t even begin to fathom the full results of this event and the impact on our businesses. As therapists, we know we must fortify ourselves for the mental health crisis that comes with COVID-19. As a colleague, I’m hearing that we are burning out, stretched too thin by grief, anxiety, and tragic loss. In the grand scheme of things, this means we will need more mental health professionals to carry the load. It also means therapists are maintaining smaller caseloads to allow for self-care in the face of overwhelm. As business owners, we are clenching our muscles and leaning in. As entrepreneurs, we are rallying. Now is the time for pivoting and planning. Months into COVID-19, we are looking for ways to pivot to allow our practices and businesses to not only survive, but thrive.

Planning to Pivot?

Pivoting is a term in business for shifting gears, changing direction, and/or finding new focus. As private practice owners, we get the opportunity to pivot in order to address life’s changes and challenges in ways we feel are a good fit for our business. For some of you, pivoting means:

·      Offering telehealth

·      Providing webinars

·      Speaking online

·      Developing online coursework

·      Writing blogs or a book

·      Identifying a secondary income stream

It can be exciting to start new endeavors, and it can also be challenging. Let’s recognize that creativity can feel limited when other responsibilities require your attention and stress levels are so high that they may hurt your ability to focus. You don’t have to do this all in one shot. You don’t even have to do this alone. Here are some ideas to help you move deeper into a creative mindset to better your business.

Schedule Time for Creativity

That’s right. Put it in your calendar. Where can you find time to work ON your business rather than in it? Can you map out time for brainstorming? Writing? Course creation? Conversations with other inspiring entrepreneurs? I too have learned that if I don’t schedule it, it doesn’t happen!

Move your Body

Have you ever noticed that some of the most brilliant minds are depicted as pacing in movies when trying to figure something out? There is a reason for that! Movement allows deeper processing, especially when it’s a repetitive, low-energy motion like walking or pacing. So get outside and take a walk, allowing your mind to mull over the possibilities at an easy pace.

Remember your ‘Why’

No matter where you decide to take your business, be sure to slow down enough to check in on your ‘why.’ Does this new endeavor support your values and brand? Does it support your mission as a person and as a professional? Carry a notebook and write down ideas as they come to you. Run new ideas by a trusted colleague or friend to see what they think. 

Invigorating Investments

For many entrepreneurs, if the pivot aligns with their business, it can feel both exciting and invigorating to have a direction to go and plan of action to take.  You see, entrepreneurs enjoy building and creating and they feel much more emotionally invested when creating something new or worthwhile. I hope that you too can experience the excitement (dare I say giddiness?) of pivoting in your practice to support your mission, vision and brand. Check out my book Perfectioneur: From Workaholic to Well-Balanced launching June 1st for other ideas on how to thrive as a driven entrepreneur. I can’t wait to see what you create!

To My Fellow Therapists, Let’s Slather on the Emotional Sunscreen

Spring has been in full swing even as we feel like we’ve taken a pause in this pandemic. Although we may be staying in place, the weather is moving and shifting towards summer. For many of us, weather and the ability to get outside have been vital components to staying sane these last few months. The pleasure of feeling the sun on our faces, the breeze in our hair, inhaling fresh air, and experiencing the sounds of nature can almost transport us into feelings of normalcy.

Normalcy. Normal. A new normal. A phrase that has appeared to help us better articulate how COVID-19 has impacted our way of living and the ripple effects on our habits, behaviors, and mental health. With spring comes new energy, growth, and restlessness. We’ve seen this in the desire for stay-at-home orders to be lifted, the desire to get outside and have social gatherings, and the desire to go back to seeing clients in person. But what about restlessness as a sign of mental health? There are plenty of articles reporting that a mental health crisis will follow as the result of COVID-19 and will be long lasting. Our mental health communities have been working several months straight to support individuals and families with the changes and stresses that have come in waves. As therapists, we’ve prepared for this to some degree, having built practices working with people experiencing anxiety, depression, and trauma. Yet being human ourselves, we are also holding anxiety and dread for what’s to come simultaneously with holding onto hope that it will get better.

Spring Challenges

You see, COVID-19 wasn’t the only challenge to hit us hard in March. Springtime is considered a challenge because it’s known as a time for increased mental health crises. Spring is a time when those who experience the lows of winter and clinical depression related to the darker months start to shift to having more energy. With more energy comes more risks. For individuals experiencing suicidal thoughts, do they now have the energy to make an attempt? For individuals diagnosed with Bipolar disorder, are they experiencing a burst of energy that puts them at greater risk due to increased manic behaviors? Imagine how these worries each spring can combine with the anticipated increase in hopelessness related to COVID-19. For people who have lost jobs, houses, businesses, and loved ones, hopelessness and grief weighs heavy as the weeks accumulate. In fact, as we enter into another month of the pandemic, we may all be grieving the loss of anticipated events or perceived normalcy that summer could bring. The hopes for a planned vacation, a summer break, a slowing of referrals to allow us to regroup. Like a clenched muscle, we feel we must hold on and don’t yet have permission to relax. There continues to be so much that remains unknown about the future months, adding to the rollercoaster of mood as we struggle with not knowing what to plan for or what to look forward to in the ever-shifting weeks to come.

Balance Over Burnout

There is some lightness to balance out the heavy. Mental health professionals are feeling the powerful beauty of connecting with clients on something they too are experiencing in real time. They are embracing raw emotions, vulnerability, and fear. They are expressing gratitude at being able to work via telehealth. They are standing in awe of their clients’ resiliency. 

Therapists are also feeling the burnout of working longer hours and struggling with work separation in working from home. We are human, we are helpers, and we are feeling called to assist others at the risk of caring for ourselves. In connecting with colleagues, it is not uncommon to hear that we feel obligated to help and to remain available. Maybe this would be doable if it was just our clients we were supporting, but for many of us, we are supporting the fear and anxiety of our loved ones, family, and friends as well. It’s a lot to hold, and more than two months in, it’s starting to wear us down.

Slather on the SunscreenWhat can we do to address the growing fatigue as first responders in this pandemic? It’s time to slather on the emotional sunscreen. Embrace this visual of shielding against negativity and practicing professional boundaries. Allow the application of sunscreen to be a gentle and important reminder to protect ourselves from the damage of poor boundaries at the risk of getting burned. Burned by the heavy. Burnt out by the demand. Burnt out by the constant holding of hope and compassion for others. Protecting our emotions. The fight against COVID-19 and its impact on mental health is not over and we are fighting to stay strong.

Reapply Every Two Hours 

So let’s take inspiration from BuzzFeed’s 10 Facts About Sunscreen Most People Don’t Know Due to Marketing Tricks. It is recommended we reapply sunscreen every two hours that we are in the sun. In this case, our metaphorical sun represents all the present stressors, glaringly bright and hard to ignore. They make us uncomfortable, irritable, and tired. So we must take precautions. How do we address the sleepiness and lethargy that too much sun brings? How do we step away, regroup, and restore our energy? How do we protect our empathetic skin from over-exposure to harmful elements that can hurt us, leaving us blistered, raw and achy? We must find a way to reapply our emotional sunscreen to fight off fatigue and feeling drained. Sunburn and burnout have discomfort in common.

More than ‘Make Do’

Discomfort is something we know well as therapists. We are masters at sitting in the discomfort of others to help them heal. We are skilled at compartmentalizing, successfully ignoring our own discomfort to help others. Recall the time you held your bladder so as not to interrupt a session? Or took a call after hours because you could? Or came to work with a head cold so as not to disrupt your client’s momentum? We make do in the face of discomfort, perhaps engaging in the bare minimum protective measures to keep it all moving along. Much like makeup with low SPF. It isn’t enough protection for longer exposure to the sun. Sure, it can serve for short spells or quick outings. But when it comes to sun (stress) exposure of the mental health crisis we are currently facing, minimal SPF isn’t going to cut it. We are in this for the long haul and we don’t want to get burned. We need more emotional sunscreen.

Check Your Expiration Date

More time. More stress. We need to check our own expiration dates when it comes to how much we can handle before we require a break. Last week and this week, I have seen an increase in therapists sharing how tired they are and expressing how they feel like they need a break. This is quickly followed by a disclosure that they cannot leave those they are trying to support during this pandemic out of obligation or guilt. I can relate to this thought process. I can relate to the obligation and responsibility we all feel. We’re helpers. However, I’m also going to champion that all of us take a much-needed break in the near future. Staggered it if need be and timing it to allow rest and restoration. It doesn’t have to be extravagant and it doesn’t have to be long. Sunscreen that has expired is no longer considered effective. If we push past our expiration date, we too are no longer effective. We must honor our own expiration dates and the physical and emotion signs of burnout. Notice the signs that we need to rest and restore in order to do right by ourselves and by our clients.

Maybe it’s a stretch to make a connection between sun, stressors, sunscreen, and burnout. Maybe it isn’t. There’s something reassuring about the idea of getting to a place where we can be mindful enough in our plans to remember to apply sunscreen. Can we apply the emotional sunscreen needed to help us engage in meaningful work without getting burned? Can we show up, remain authentic, and be healthy role models for our clients on taking breaks to avoid burnout? It may not be easy task, but it is doable with practice. They say it takes 30 days to make something a habit. Let’s slather on some emotional sunscreen by summer.

Check out Croswaite Counseling PLLC’s Balance Over Burnout, an online course that introduces 5 tools to prevent burnout for therapists and professional helpers.

Check out BuzzFeed’s full article on 10 Facts About Sunscreen Most People Don’t Know Due to Marketing Tricks here.

Finding Your Passion Projects in a Pandemic

Limit screen time. Exercise. Video chat with family and friends. Go outside. Get restful sleep. America has been bombarded with advice as to how to cope with the current pandemic, and for good reason. This is a time of uncertainty. A time of adjustment. A time for reflection of what is most important. None of us were prepared for the life-changing event that is COVID-19, and as we enter week 5 of stay-at-home orders (here in Colorado), we find ourselves trying to pass the time and hoping for good news at the end of April. Will we get a normal May? June? July? Will we again appreciate live concerts, large gatherings, and colorful festivals that dominate the summer months? Will we plan vacations and travel in the same way as we did before? Will we embrace changes in how our businesses are run? It’s hard to say what the rest of 2020 holds, with many of us taking it one week at a time, both for our sanity and in wanting CDC recommendations to plan our next move.

So how do we stay sane? For some, it’s the escape that Netflix, video games, and reading a good book can offer. Successfully escaping into another world to get our minds off the here and now. For others, it’s framing COVID-19 as an opportunity to reconnect with immediate family, pick up a hobby, or complete projects at home that were pushed off in the past in having no time. I have to admit, my clients have so far reinforced my belief that finding opportunities supports sanity. I feel proud of them in their ability to stay hopeful and attempt to adjust amidst understandable worry, anxiety, and restlessness.

Of course, I need to name the privilege for both myself and my clients in having the luxury of creativity and time for passion projects. Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs has resurfaced in the public eye and can be used to normalize the contrast between feelings of barely functioning to extreme productivity, and everything in between. Each person can place themselves at a different level of Maslow’s model during this uncertain time. The understanding is that a person’s basic needs of water, food, shelter, and safety MUST come first before anything requiring higher energy can be achieved. As a therapist, I’ve been quick to mention this to colleagues who were expressing their disappointment of moving to telehealth and feeling like momentum would be lost with their clients. I’ve reassured clients that we will take it day to day, week to week to determine how they adjust best and learn to cope. I too, have needed the reminder for days where worry creeps in a little louder than usual, worry that manifests in thoughts like, “What if I run out of projects? When will I have my meltdown? What if I lose focus? What if my mood tanks? What if I can’t hold hope for my clients that this will get better?” One colleague wrote it beautifully on social media. She named that she’s tired. Tired of holding space for others. Tired of the judgement. Tired of the news. I’m tired too. All therapists are tired. We all are getting tired of this. To make it tolerable, we find ourselves grasping for hope, something to look forward to, or something to help us hang on and keep going.

For me, it’s passion projects. You see, I must own my privilege as a white, middle-class citizen who is married with no children. I feel gratitude that my job and my spouse’s job are safe and secure by transitioning to working remote. I also recognize, as a Perfectioneur (Perfectionist Entrepreneur), I have stepped up my game to complete a variety of projects in the last four weeks to feel like I’m making progress, have momentum, and am still creating plans and goals that can make a difference. I understand that my story isn’t the story of all people. I understand that I am lucky to have my basic needs secure and solidified to allow for this higher work to be the focus. If you feel like you are fortunate enough to be in a similar situation, you too might be working hard to find your passion projects during this pandemic.

Why does passion matter? For Perfectioneurs and other entrepreneurs, we are happiest when we are creating, innovating, and supporting meaningful change. So it’s no wonder that we would do our best to embrace the opportunities the pandemic provides to work on things that have always felt important but have been pushed further down the to-do list due to busy-ness. As the result of COVID-19, we have been forced to slow down. To re-evaluate. To plan. In my first four weeks of the stay-at-home orders, I’ve written half a dozen blogs, finished a draft of a new book, created supplemental material for an online subscription service, and filmed and launched two new online courses. 

I’m not asking for a pat on the back because I’m not unique. In fact, some of our most celebrated creatives produced their best works while under quarantine. Check out these articles that named William Shakespeareand Isaac Newton, as two examples. Perhaps it speaks to the value of space and time to allow ideas to come forward. The ideas generated when we have time on our hands, can’t sleep, or when we are forced to sit with our own thoughts in the early hours of the morning when limited distractions are available. As you can imagine, this could easily shift into mental health challenges or crises when thoughts unravel our sense of purpose, identity, or make us question it all. 

But for others, these thoughts can lead to strokes of genius or passion projects. Holding onto hope that the challenges we face in the present will lead to something beautiful in the future! How do we embrace that gift of creativity? The ah-ha moments leading to meaningful change? 

1.     Take a walk

Walking supports bilateral (left-right-left-right) movement in the body that can support creative thoughts and ideas. It’s a reason why people find themselves pacing when trying to find an answer. Movement can be a powerful strategy in generating solutions to the problems we face.

2.     Write it down

Keep a journal or notebook handy. Or use your notes feature in your phone. Some of our best ideas come to us right before sleep, in a dream, or while we are chatting with a colleague or friend. Writing it down captures the idea for later while giving you permission to be present in the moment.

3.     Run it by a colleague or friend

There’s something powerful about sharing an idea with a trusted colleague or friend to see what questions come up. Do they see the same value you do? Do they have additional perspective that would help your passion project form? 

4.     Workshop it 

If your passion project holds the potential to help others, workshop it to take a deeper dive into its value. Who is the intended audience? Who are your competitors? What pain point are you addressing and why? What makes it stand out? How does your passion project offer a solution?

Passion projects, like hobbies, can support moments of joy and feelings of progress and momentum. In a world that feels stuck as the result of COVID-19, projects can be a welcomed escape from the stress of the unknown. Not everyone will have the ability to embrace passion and creativity in dealing with immense pain, grief and loss as the result of the pandemic. Passion projects could offer some respite from the heaviness and hopelessness felt throughout our communities. After all, we are allowed to feel both gratitude and grief at the same time. So I hope you will consider unlocking your creative potential during this strange moment in time. Embrace your own resiliency. Our passions can bring out the best in us while we adapt in the face of adversity, helping map out positivity and sense of progress in the current pandemic.