Some Workaholism Wins in Motherhood

Photo by Tamara Bellis on Unsplash

Let me be clear, workaholism is not the goal. In fact, workaholism was the reason for my professional burnout in 2016-2018 and very nearly a second round in 2020 in response to the uncertainty of the pandemic. Yet as I continue to reflect on how things have changed for me as a new mom with a now five month old, I find myself grateful for some of things that workaholism has taught me. Although stressful, painful and bad for my health, in some ways I feel workaholism prepared me for the challenges of being a mom! Here’s what I mean:

1)    Waking at 3am: Whether I found myself wide awake at 3am with a new creative, entrepreneurial idea or waking up at 3am to feed the baby, I’ve found that it hasn’t been nearly as painful to be awake at this early hour. It’s almost like my creative wakings were a rehearsal for the important job of handling odd hours as a mom.

2)    Embracing Flexibility: As a Type-A person, flexibility isn’t always my strong suit. But being an entrepreneur has taught me to be flexible, changing up routines and pivoting to add projects and ideas to keep my brain engaged. This same flexibility is something I had to call upon as a new mom who was learning her daughter’s wants and needs. Planned a lunch but the baby tells me it’s time to go home? I go! Wanted to watch a movie and got interrupted? We try again another time. Hoping to get some work done but she wakes early from her nap. We pivot! Flexibility is a must in motherhood.

3)    Setting up Systems: Workaholism for many is about fitting in lots of work projects and thinking about work 24/7. Although I don’t recommend this level of hustle for anyone, the constant mental energy directed towards my business led me to discover systems and tools to keep things running smoothly. Why does this matter? When on maternity leave, this allowed me the privilege of taking quality time with my baby and still having my business running, mostly without me. Without systems in place, this would have been a lot more stressful to manage on minimal hours of sleep.

On the flip side, what has motherhood taught me about workaholism?

4)    Downtime is Good: Taking time to rest, cuddle my baby, and take a nap are all good for creativity. It’s important to be bored and let our minds wander once in awhile. I felt my creativity coming back on maternity leave about halfway through and attribute it to downtime where the baby was sleeping on me and there was no work I wanted to do or could do. Enter new ideas and goals for the future!

5)    Work-Life Balance is Better: We all strive for work-life balance but how do we know if we’ve achieved it? I’ve been pleasantly surprised at my shift from working all the time to working enough to meet my business needs and nothing more. This allows me to have quality time with my baby while not adding too much financial stress. I couldn’t do this for myself in my burnout, but it’s been easy to do when thinking about how much I want to be there for my daughter.

6)    It’s a Different Flavor: Don’t get me wrong, like most moms, I don’t get the luxury of sitting around and doing nothing in working less hours with clients. The demanding work hours are still present, just a different flavor. It’s a flavor composed of meeting an infant’s needs and attempting to still get other functioning things done like laundry and emails. I’ve added to my stress plate in some ways, and taken away from it in others. It’s a balancing act that’s constantly evolving as my daughter grows.

Can you relate? Just a few musings on workaholism and motherhood. Although I don’t wish workaholism on anyone, I have found gratitude in my experience, including being thankful for the things it has taught me at this stage in my life. What has workaholism taught you? You too may find yourself pleasantly surprised at the unexpected gifts it reveals!

My Wish for You is More Victory Energy!

Like several couples during COVID-19, my spouse and I have attempted to decompress by watching a show or movie at the end of our work days. Winding down, we happened upon Keeping the Faith (2000) with Edward Norton, Ben Stiller, and Jenna Elfman. Recognizing that neither of us had seen this movie before, it was Jenna Elfman’s character Anna Reilly that I recognized instantly as a Perfectioneur. Anna worked in a corporate office, had confidence and pleasure in her work, and was attached to her cell phone, even going so far as to carry it on a garter while in an evening dress! She was driven. She was respected. She had opportunities to excel within her company. As the plot of the movie advanced, Anna eventually questioned if she worked too much, recognizing that she wanted time for a career and time for quality relationships.

Spoiler alert! Anna, as a healthy Perfectioneur, found she could have both a rewarding job and meaningful relationships! It was reassuring. It was a happy ending. And it was one concept Anna spoke about that really resonated with me as a fellow Perfectioneur. She was talking to the mother of her then-secret romantic partner when she said she wanted someone to share it all with. Share what? Her victory energy. Anna stated she wanted to share her victory energy with a partner at the end of her day. The energy created by accomplishing something so satisfying, it leaves one on an emotional high. Giddy with accomplishment. Energized with enthusiasm. Anna wanted celebrate it and share it with someone she loved. 

As a therapist and entrepreneur, I too want more victory energy. I too want to share it with the person I love. As a therapist, I can’t always share the clinical victories in having to maintain confidentiality. However, I can share the victories of being an entrepreneur of several growing businesses, celebrating creativity with purpose.  

Experience the Victories

The first step in having more victory energy is noticing it. Notice the potential for victory energy, encouraging it to grow stronger. Be self-aware enough to feel the warm fuzzies of it followed by enhancing the way it makes you feel. Find yourself stoking the ember of excitement into a solid flame that warms you from the inside out. You’ve felt this feeling before. For some, it’s the victory of winning at a sporting event. For others, it’s the pleasure you feel after getting great feedback, a promotion, or a new opportunity. It’s euphoric. It’s a rush. And it feels amazing.  Engage your five senses to express victory energy fully. What visuals do you associate with it? What smells? What sounds? Elevate the feeling by noticing it fully, so you don’t miss the chance to feel the pleasure of it.

Understand your Baseline

The challenge of victory energy is that it doesn’t last forever. As humans, we don’t get to feel that high consistently. Our body is structured to return to baseline, representing an average emotional state when absent of stimulation. In other words, you eventually have to come down from the high of victory energy, which can feel disappointing or painful. In fact, author of The Big Leap, Gay Hendricks would say we are prone to subtle self-sabotage to maintain the status quo. If we find ourselves moving into our “Zone of Genius”, what Gay Hendricks describes as our optimal zone for fulfillment, purpose, and happiness, it can be expected that something happens to bring us back to our “Zone of Excellence.” Perhaps due to disbelief that we achieved this higher level of functioning, discomfort at the change, or core beliefs stating that we don’t deserve great things. Hendricks gives examples of sabotage like picking a fight with our spouse after receiving good news, or getting ill after obtaining the job of our dreams. Regardless of how it manifests, it’s important to understand your subconscious reactions to victory energy in order to navigate the challenges and embrace the benefits.

Build your Gratitude Practice

Now that you’re fully aware of the feeling and how fleeting it can be, capture your victory energy in words as part of a gratitude practice. What are you grateful for? What were the contributing factors to foster this feeling? How can you download the experience further, forming it into a pleasant memory to be revisited again and again if desired? Perhaps you engage in a writing exercise to capture the moment. For Anna Reilly, she wanted to share it with someone in real time when making the memory. She wanted to amplify the good feelings of victory energy by feeling the excitement and pleasure of sharing it with someone else. Who would you share your victory energy with? How could their participation assist in keeping the positive feelings flowing and growing?

Victory energy, like gratitude, has the potential to be life-changing. Celebrating success without fear of being cocky. Naming gratitude so we can fully download the experience at a cellular level. However you embrace it, I wish you more victory energy. The powerful practice of mindfulness, gratitude, and connection with others. I wish you more victory energy so that you too can feel the rush of excitement. To feel fully alive. I wish you a happy ending like Anna’s. May your victory energy be plentiful and celebrated with all whom you love.