The Human in the Helper: My lips were purple

Liliana loves to take her morning walks. She’s usually accompanied by her fluffy white dog, a loving companion as they take in the vast beauty Colorado has to offer on various trails. Yet the serenity and meditative quality of her walks was disrupted five months ago. “I got off the plane and was dizzy. I thought that they didn’t decompress the plane properly.“ Liliana described ignoring her body’s messages as she attempted to resume life at home after traveling. She felt tired but didn’t think anything of it, laying down after her meetings one day to take a nap. “My son took me to the hospital because my lips were purple and I was struggling to breathe in my sleep.”

Liliana collapsed in the Emergency Room, and was rushed into treatment and emergency surgery for a pulmonary embolism. “I can’t take this life for granted, I don’t know what could happen next.” That was three months ago. Liliana has since learned that her medical crisis didn’t have a clear cause, which adds to the frustration she feels for herself and her family. “I have to take things one day at a time. Some days I need to rest or I need oxygen. Other days I feel good.”

Although this event holds medical trauma Liliana is still working through, it isn’t her first medical crisis where she’s had to rework how she operates. Liliana was diagnosed with thyroid cancer while pregnant with her son. “I had been conditioned to push through, to go-go-go.” Now she says she’s changing up how she works for herself in private practice. “Everything goes around medical appointments or how I feel that day.”

When asked how she’s coping with this significant life change, Liliana shared she’s embraced her love of writing. “I write poetry. I take time to write. I had to write. It helps me tune into my body.” Liliana described a recent experience with a spa service where her body said no. “I told the technician that it was a no-go, and started to cry as soon as I was outside. I didn’t know why.” So Liliana went home to write. Her body remembered something and was attempting to protect her, even though her mind couldn’t remember. “I’d passed out, I couldn’t remember all that happened in the ER that day.”  Her doctors later filled her in, stating she’d had a near fatal experience.

Although medical trauma can be heavy, Liliana wants colleagues to know that they can adapt. “Have a plan and be prepared to pivot as well.” She’s doing this herself when scheduling speaking engagements, consultations, clients, or new supervisees. “I’m up front about having a medical condition that looks like a disability. I let them know there’s a possibility of a pivot if my body says no.” Liliana says her community has been understanding and flexible. She offers referrals to anyone who needs more consistency than she can offer right now at this time in her life.

“I’m embracing my humor,” she shared. “I’m taking in all these things I didn’t think I’d notice.” Liliana is describing her increased mindfulness and gratitude practice after her medical crisis. She named being able to walk, to work, to do what she loves as gifts in her life. She also identified an aspect of surrender into the unknown. Pivots and changes to her schedule can feel like a daily occurrence. Liliana is approaching life with immense gratitude and intentionality. We know others can do it too. Whether it’s found within client work or through daily walks in nature, anyone can adopt this mindfulness practice in support of their health and well-being. 

Liliana’s latest poetry, shared with permission.

 It’s hard…body.  by Liliana Baylon

It’s hard to listen to you, body. 

I was conditioned to ignore you. 

To not trust you. 

To rely on others to diagnose you. 

Yet, you keep insisting. 

And I keep pushing through. 

Have patience with me! 

Is hard work, what you are asking of me! 

I’m getting to know you, 

To learn from you, 

To lean on you, 

To be curious about you, 

To recognize what you are asking of me, 

To understand what you are feeling, 

To answer your call. 

Keep talking to me. Keep insisting, please! 

Teach me what I need to learn. 

Keep being patient with me. 

I’m learning from you. 

Things happen to us as humans, even as we support our clients as professional helpers. Do you have a story you want to share with the mental health community? Email us at croswaitecounselingpllc@gmail.com to learn more about The Human in the Helper Series!

My Wish for You is More Victory Energy!

Like several couples during COVID-19, my spouse and I have attempted to decompress by watching a show or movie at the end of our work days. Winding down, we happened upon Keeping the Faith (2000) with Edward Norton, Ben Stiller, and Jenna Elfman. Recognizing that neither of us had seen this movie before, it was Jenna Elfman’s character Anna Reilly that I recognized instantly as a Perfectioneur. Anna worked in a corporate office, had confidence and pleasure in her work, and was attached to her cell phone, even going so far as to carry it on a garter while in an evening dress! She was driven. She was respected. She had opportunities to excel within her company. As the plot of the movie advanced, Anna eventually questioned if she worked too much, recognizing that she wanted time for a career and time for quality relationships.

Spoiler alert! Anna, as a healthy Perfectioneur, found she could have both a rewarding job and meaningful relationships! It was reassuring. It was a happy ending. And it was one concept Anna spoke about that really resonated with me as a fellow Perfectioneur. She was talking to the mother of her then-secret romantic partner when she said she wanted someone to share it all with. Share what? Her victory energy. Anna stated she wanted to share her victory energy with a partner at the end of her day. The energy created by accomplishing something so satisfying, it leaves one on an emotional high. Giddy with accomplishment. Energized with enthusiasm. Anna wanted celebrate it and share it with someone she loved. 

As a therapist and entrepreneur, I too want more victory energy. I too want to share it with the person I love. As a therapist, I can’t always share the clinical victories in having to maintain confidentiality. However, I can share the victories of being an entrepreneur of several growing businesses, celebrating creativity with purpose.  

Experience the Victories

The first step in having more victory energy is noticing it. Notice the potential for victory energy, encouraging it to grow stronger. Be self-aware enough to feel the warm fuzzies of it followed by enhancing the way it makes you feel. Find yourself stoking the ember of excitement into a solid flame that warms you from the inside out. You’ve felt this feeling before. For some, it’s the victory of winning at a sporting event. For others, it’s the pleasure you feel after getting great feedback, a promotion, or a new opportunity. It’s euphoric. It’s a rush. And it feels amazing.  Engage your five senses to express victory energy fully. What visuals do you associate with it? What smells? What sounds? Elevate the feeling by noticing it fully, so you don’t miss the chance to feel the pleasure of it.

Understand your Baseline

The challenge of victory energy is that it doesn’t last forever. As humans, we don’t get to feel that high consistently. Our body is structured to return to baseline, representing an average emotional state when absent of stimulation. In other words, you eventually have to come down from the high of victory energy, which can feel disappointing or painful. In fact, author of The Big Leap, Gay Hendricks would say we are prone to subtle self-sabotage to maintain the status quo. If we find ourselves moving into our “Zone of Genius”, what Gay Hendricks describes as our optimal zone for fulfillment, purpose, and happiness, it can be expected that something happens to bring us back to our “Zone of Excellence.” Perhaps due to disbelief that we achieved this higher level of functioning, discomfort at the change, or core beliefs stating that we don’t deserve great things. Hendricks gives examples of sabotage like picking a fight with our spouse after receiving good news, or getting ill after obtaining the job of our dreams. Regardless of how it manifests, it’s important to understand your subconscious reactions to victory energy in order to navigate the challenges and embrace the benefits.

Build your Gratitude Practice

Now that you’re fully aware of the feeling and how fleeting it can be, capture your victory energy in words as part of a gratitude practice. What are you grateful for? What were the contributing factors to foster this feeling? How can you download the experience further, forming it into a pleasant memory to be revisited again and again if desired? Perhaps you engage in a writing exercise to capture the moment. For Anna Reilly, she wanted to share it with someone in real time when making the memory. She wanted to amplify the good feelings of victory energy by feeling the excitement and pleasure of sharing it with someone else. Who would you share your victory energy with? How could their participation assist in keeping the positive feelings flowing and growing?

Victory energy, like gratitude, has the potential to be life-changing. Celebrating success without fear of being cocky. Naming gratitude so we can fully download the experience at a cellular level. However you embrace it, I wish you more victory energy. The powerful practice of mindfulness, gratitude, and connection with others. I wish you more victory energy so that you too can feel the rush of excitement. To feel fully alive. I wish you a happy ending like Anna’s. May your victory energy be plentiful and celebrated with all whom you love.