Liliana loves to take her morning walks. She’s usually accompanied by her fluffy white dog, a loving companion as they take in the vast beauty Colorado has to offer on various trails. Yet the serenity and meditative quality of her walks was disrupted five months ago. “I got off the plane and was dizzy. I thought that they didn’t decompress the plane properly.“ Liliana described ignoring her body’s messages as she attempted to resume life at home after traveling. She felt tired but didn’t think anything of it, laying down after her meetings one day to take a nap. “My son took me to the hospital because my lips were purple and I was struggling to breathe in my sleep.”
Liliana collapsed in the Emergency Room, and was rushed into treatment and emergency surgery for a pulmonary embolism. “I can’t take this life for granted, I don’t know what could happen next.” That was three months ago. Liliana has since learned that her medical crisis didn’t have a clear cause, which adds to the frustration she feels for herself and her family. “I have to take things one day at a time. Some days I need to rest or I need oxygen. Other days I feel good.”
Although this event holds medical trauma Liliana is still working through, it isn’t her first medical crisis where she’s had to rework how she operates. Liliana was diagnosed with thyroid cancer while pregnant with her son. “I had been conditioned to push through, to go-go-go.” Now she says she’s changing up how she works for herself in private practice. “Everything goes around medical appointments or how I feel that day.”
When asked how she’s coping with this significant life change, Liliana shared she’s embraced her love of writing. “I write poetry. I take time to write. I had to write. It helps me tune into my body.” Liliana described a recent experience with a spa service where her body said no. “I told the technician that it was a no-go, and started to cry as soon as I was outside. I didn’t know why.” So Liliana went home to write. Her body remembered something and was attempting to protect her, even though her mind couldn’t remember. “I’d passed out, I couldn’t remember all that happened in the ER that day.” Her doctors later filled her in, stating she’d had a near fatal experience.
Although medical trauma can be heavy, Liliana wants colleagues to know that they can adapt. “Have a plan and be prepared to pivot as well.” She’s doing this herself when scheduling speaking engagements, consultations, clients, or new supervisees. “I’m up front about having a medical condition that looks like a disability. I let them know there’s a possibility of a pivot if my body says no.” Liliana says her community has been understanding and flexible. She offers referrals to anyone who needs more consistency than she can offer right now at this time in her life.
“I’m embracing my humor,” she shared. “I’m taking in all these things I didn’t think I’d notice.” Liliana is describing her increased mindfulness and gratitude practice after her medical crisis. She named being able to walk, to work, to do what she loves as gifts in her life. She also identified an aspect of surrender into the unknown. Pivots and changes to her schedule can feel like a daily occurrence. Liliana is approaching life with immense gratitude and intentionality. We know others can do it too. Whether it’s found within client work or through daily walks in nature, anyone can adopt this mindfulness practice in support of their health and well-being.
Liliana’s latest poetry, shared with permission.
It’s hard…body. by Liliana Baylon
It’s hard to listen to you, body.
I was conditioned to ignore you.
To not trust you.
To rely on others to diagnose you.
Yet, you keep insisting.
And I keep pushing through.
Have patience with me!
Is hard work, what you are asking of me!
I’m getting to know you,
To learn from you,
To lean on you,
To be curious about you,
To recognize what you are asking of me,
To understand what you are feeling,
To answer your call.
Keep talking to me. Keep insisting, please!
Teach me what I need to learn.
Keep being patient with me.
I’m learning from you.
Things happen to us as humans, even as we support our clients as professional helpers. Do you have a story you want to share with the mental health community? Email us at croswaitecounselingpllc@gmail.com to learn more about The Human in the Helper Series!