The Human in the Helper: My lips were purple

Liliana loves to take her morning walks. She’s usually accompanied by her fluffy white dog, a loving companion as they take in the vast beauty Colorado has to offer on various trails. Yet the serenity and meditative quality of her walks was disrupted five months ago. “I got off the plane and was dizzy. I thought that they didn’t decompress the plane properly.“ Liliana described ignoring her body’s messages as she attempted to resume life at home after traveling. She felt tired but didn’t think anything of it, laying down after her meetings one day to take a nap. “My son took me to the hospital because my lips were purple and I was struggling to breathe in my sleep.”

Liliana collapsed in the Emergency Room, and was rushed into treatment and emergency surgery for a pulmonary embolism. “I can’t take this life for granted, I don’t know what could happen next.” That was three months ago. Liliana has since learned that her medical crisis didn’t have a clear cause, which adds to the frustration she feels for herself and her family. “I have to take things one day at a time. Some days I need to rest or I need oxygen. Other days I feel good.”

Although this event holds medical trauma Liliana is still working through, it isn’t her first medical crisis where she’s had to rework how she operates. Liliana was diagnosed with thyroid cancer while pregnant with her son. “I had been conditioned to push through, to go-go-go.” Now she says she’s changing up how she works for herself in private practice. “Everything goes around medical appointments or how I feel that day.”

When asked how she’s coping with this significant life change, Liliana shared she’s embraced her love of writing. “I write poetry. I take time to write. I had to write. It helps me tune into my body.” Liliana described a recent experience with a spa service where her body said no. “I told the technician that it was a no-go, and started to cry as soon as I was outside. I didn’t know why.” So Liliana went home to write. Her body remembered something and was attempting to protect her, even though her mind couldn’t remember. “I’d passed out, I couldn’t remember all that happened in the ER that day.”  Her doctors later filled her in, stating she’d had a near fatal experience.

Although medical trauma can be heavy, Liliana wants colleagues to know that they can adapt. “Have a plan and be prepared to pivot as well.” She’s doing this herself when scheduling speaking engagements, consultations, clients, or new supervisees. “I’m up front about having a medical condition that looks like a disability. I let them know there’s a possibility of a pivot if my body says no.” Liliana says her community has been understanding and flexible. She offers referrals to anyone who needs more consistency than she can offer right now at this time in her life.

“I’m embracing my humor,” she shared. “I’m taking in all these things I didn’t think I’d notice.” Liliana is describing her increased mindfulness and gratitude practice after her medical crisis. She named being able to walk, to work, to do what she loves as gifts in her life. She also identified an aspect of surrender into the unknown. Pivots and changes to her schedule can feel like a daily occurrence. Liliana is approaching life with immense gratitude and intentionality. We know others can do it too. Whether it’s found within client work or through daily walks in nature, anyone can adopt this mindfulness practice in support of their health and well-being. 

Liliana’s latest poetry, shared with permission.

 It’s hard…body.  by Liliana Baylon

It’s hard to listen to you, body. 

I was conditioned to ignore you. 

To not trust you. 

To rely on others to diagnose you. 

Yet, you keep insisting. 

And I keep pushing through. 

Have patience with me! 

Is hard work, what you are asking of me! 

I’m getting to know you, 

To learn from you, 

To lean on you, 

To be curious about you, 

To recognize what you are asking of me, 

To understand what you are feeling, 

To answer your call. 

Keep talking to me. Keep insisting, please! 

Teach me what I need to learn. 

Keep being patient with me. 

I’m learning from you. 

Things happen to us as humans, even as we support our clients as professional helpers. Do you have a story you want to share with the mental health community? Email us at croswaitecounselingpllc@gmail.com to learn more about The Human in the Helper Series!

Seven Signs of Scarcity in Private Practice

Photo by Danie Franco on Unsplash

Scarcity can be defined as “there’s not enough.” As a mental health therapist and Financial Therapist serving fellow therapists and small business owners, I often detect scarcity in the way folks speak their fears out loud. For example, “there’s never enough clients,” “not enough referrals,” or “there isn’t enough money.” With these beliefs come stress and resulting problematic behaviors. Let’s take a look at some warning signs for therapists in private practice that show when scarcity may be driving.

#1 You say yes to a client who’s not a good fit.

Taking on any and every client that calls can be a sign of scarcity. As therapists, we aren’t a good fit for everyone, so we should use caution and practice pausing before taking on clients that aren’t within our wheelhouse. It can also become an ethical concern if we take on a client that would benefit from a speciality that we aren’t trained in.

Scarcity Solution: Identify your ideal client(s) and market to them!

#2 You schedule a client on your lunch to make their schedule work.

I’ve been guilty of this. The client shares that they have a limited schedule, so you offer them your lunch hour to make it work. This could become a recipe for burnout in not taking the much-needed break to rest, eat, and reset during a day full of clients.

Scarcity Solution: Block out your lunches and honor them.

#3 You schedule a client at a time that’s not your ideal schedule.

Your client shares that their schedule is changing and that their original appointment time isn’t going to work any longer. So you respond by offering a Friday or later evening appointment you don’t actually offer to other clients on your caseload. This response of “fitting people in” could lead to burnout or resentment if they begin to expect scheduling exceptions on a regular basis, especially since you set your schedule for valid reasons, such as family, self-care, or other obligations.

Scarcity Solution: Commit to a work schedule to see how you like it. When you identify that schedule, honor it with new and existing clients. You can always change the schedule later as you see fit, it’s a benefit of working for yourself!

#4 Do you feel uncomfortable with a blank spot in your calendar so you seek to fill it?

Perhaps you find yourself nervous with too many open appointment slots in your calendar so you attempt to track down clients who haven’t scheduled in a while, or seek out projects to keep you feeling busy.

Scarcity Solution: Lean into the discomfort. Schedule self-care or a fun project in the free space. Embrace boredom as the catalyst for creativity.

#5 Do you see a lighter schedule so you take on more clients than you actually need to.

As a result, your efforts to take on new clients or add in new commitments leaves you feeling stretched too thin the following week when folks are scheduling regularly again.

Scarcity Solution: Identify a mantra or phrase you can say to yourself when things feel light and anxiety-provoking, that helps you hold fast against an urge to take on more or be overly busy.

#6 You hesitate to raise your rates or move to private pay from insurance because you’re afraid you’ll lose clients.

It is possible that you could lose a handful of clients when shifting away from insurance or raising your rates, and preparing for that possibility helps one feel in control of next steps in response. It’s important to recognize that avoiding a change that would benefit you, your practice, or your family from a business or burnout standpoint is a textbook example of scarcity in private practice.

Scarcity Solution: Gently remind yourself that folks don’t like to start over with new therapists if they can make things work financially. Revisit your numbers to clarify why a pivot to private pay or a higher rate is worthwhile to you in your practice, then make a conscious plan for the transition that supports both you and your clients through the change.

#7 You see colleagues as competition rather than collaborators.

You notice a colleague is doing something similar to you, such as serving the same client population or offering a course or training with similar content. To feel threatened and respond as if they are competition is a sign of scarcity. Instead, recognizing that you each have your own style and that cross-referring could be a helpful to reaching more folks wanting services or content, could result in a beautiful collaboration where you both win!

Scarcity Solution: Recognize that you have your own spin on things and that there are plenty of people looking for what you offer. Network with that colleague to get to know them better. This reduces the internal narrative that they are a competitor and instead helps you see them as a fellow professional.

It's natural to have moments of scarcity in private practice because you are working hard to make your business successful. Therefore it’s important to recognize the signs of scarcity and respond to them in ways that lessen the pull to play small or overwork yourself, instead responding in authenticity and awareness that will build your business best.