Finding Your Passion Projects in a Pandemic

Limit screen time. Exercise. Video chat with family and friends. Go outside. Get restful sleep. America has been bombarded with advice as to how to cope with the current pandemic, and for good reason. This is a time of uncertainty. A time of adjustment. A time for reflection of what is most important. None of us were prepared for the life-changing event that is COVID-19, and as we enter week 5 of stay-at-home orders (here in Colorado), we find ourselves trying to pass the time and hoping for good news at the end of April. Will we get a normal May? June? July? Will we again appreciate live concerts, large gatherings, and colorful festivals that dominate the summer months? Will we plan vacations and travel in the same way as we did before? Will we embrace changes in how our businesses are run? It’s hard to say what the rest of 2020 holds, with many of us taking it one week at a time, both for our sanity and in wanting CDC recommendations to plan our next move.

So how do we stay sane? For some, it’s the escape that Netflix, video games, and reading a good book can offer. Successfully escaping into another world to get our minds off the here and now. For others, it’s framing COVID-19 as an opportunity to reconnect with immediate family, pick up a hobby, or complete projects at home that were pushed off in the past in having no time. I have to admit, my clients have so far reinforced my belief that finding opportunities supports sanity. I feel proud of them in their ability to stay hopeful and attempt to adjust amidst understandable worry, anxiety, and restlessness.

Of course, I need to name the privilege for both myself and my clients in having the luxury of creativity and time for passion projects. Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs has resurfaced in the public eye and can be used to normalize the contrast between feelings of barely functioning to extreme productivity, and everything in between. Each person can place themselves at a different level of Maslow’s model during this uncertain time. The understanding is that a person’s basic needs of water, food, shelter, and safety MUST come first before anything requiring higher energy can be achieved. As a therapist, I’ve been quick to mention this to colleagues who were expressing their disappointment of moving to telehealth and feeling like momentum would be lost with their clients. I’ve reassured clients that we will take it day to day, week to week to determine how they adjust best and learn to cope. I too, have needed the reminder for days where worry creeps in a little louder than usual, worry that manifests in thoughts like, “What if I run out of projects? When will I have my meltdown? What if I lose focus? What if my mood tanks? What if I can’t hold hope for my clients that this will get better?” One colleague wrote it beautifully on social media. She named that she’s tired. Tired of holding space for others. Tired of the judgement. Tired of the news. I’m tired too. All therapists are tired. We all are getting tired of this. To make it tolerable, we find ourselves grasping for hope, something to look forward to, or something to help us hang on and keep going.

For me, it’s passion projects. You see, I must own my privilege as a white, middle-class citizen who is married with no children. I feel gratitude that my job and my spouse’s job are safe and secure by transitioning to working remote. I also recognize, as a Perfectioneur (Perfectionist Entrepreneur), I have stepped up my game to complete a variety of projects in the last four weeks to feel like I’m making progress, have momentum, and am still creating plans and goals that can make a difference. I understand that my story isn’t the story of all people. I understand that I am lucky to have my basic needs secure and solidified to allow for this higher work to be the focus. If you feel like you are fortunate enough to be in a similar situation, you too might be working hard to find your passion projects during this pandemic.

Why does passion matter? For Perfectioneurs and other entrepreneurs, we are happiest when we are creating, innovating, and supporting meaningful change. So it’s no wonder that we would do our best to embrace the opportunities the pandemic provides to work on things that have always felt important but have been pushed further down the to-do list due to busy-ness. As the result of COVID-19, we have been forced to slow down. To re-evaluate. To plan. In my first four weeks of the stay-at-home orders, I’ve written half a dozen blogs, finished a draft of a new book, created supplemental material for an online subscription service, and filmed and launched two new online courses. 

I’m not asking for a pat on the back because I’m not unique. In fact, some of our most celebrated creatives produced their best works while under quarantine. Check out these articles that named William Shakespeareand Isaac Newton, as two examples. Perhaps it speaks to the value of space and time to allow ideas to come forward. The ideas generated when we have time on our hands, can’t sleep, or when we are forced to sit with our own thoughts in the early hours of the morning when limited distractions are available. As you can imagine, this could easily shift into mental health challenges or crises when thoughts unravel our sense of purpose, identity, or make us question it all. 

But for others, these thoughts can lead to strokes of genius or passion projects. Holding onto hope that the challenges we face in the present will lead to something beautiful in the future! How do we embrace that gift of creativity? The ah-ha moments leading to meaningful change? 

1.     Take a walk

Walking supports bilateral (left-right-left-right) movement in the body that can support creative thoughts and ideas. It’s a reason why people find themselves pacing when trying to find an answer. Movement can be a powerful strategy in generating solutions to the problems we face.

2.     Write it down

Keep a journal or notebook handy. Or use your notes feature in your phone. Some of our best ideas come to us right before sleep, in a dream, or while we are chatting with a colleague or friend. Writing it down captures the idea for later while giving you permission to be present in the moment.

3.     Run it by a colleague or friend

There’s something powerful about sharing an idea with a trusted colleague or friend to see what questions come up. Do they see the same value you do? Do they have additional perspective that would help your passion project form? 

4.     Workshop it 

If your passion project holds the potential to help others, workshop it to take a deeper dive into its value. Who is the intended audience? Who are your competitors? What pain point are you addressing and why? What makes it stand out? How does your passion project offer a solution?

Passion projects, like hobbies, can support moments of joy and feelings of progress and momentum. In a world that feels stuck as the result of COVID-19, projects can be a welcomed escape from the stress of the unknown. Not everyone will have the ability to embrace passion and creativity in dealing with immense pain, grief and loss as the result of the pandemic. Passion projects could offer some respite from the heaviness and hopelessness felt throughout our communities. After all, we are allowed to feel both gratitude and grief at the same time. So I hope you will consider unlocking your creative potential during this strange moment in time. Embrace your own resiliency. Our passions can bring out the best in us while we adapt in the face of adversity, helping map out positivity and sense of progress in the current pandemic.

Medicaid Mastery in your Practice

Disclaimer: Medicaid in each State and Region have different expectations. I am not employed by Medicaid, therefore any information conveyed here is subject to change and should be further explored by you and your Medicaid Liaison. This blog is not meant to train or advise you on how to bill Medicaid for your services but as a base from which to understand an overview of generally accepted practices from a Medicaid standpoint in the State of Colorado with regards to paperwork compliance.

You hear the word AUDIT and maybe the first image you think of is an agent in the movie The Matrix. The uniform dress code, authoritative air, serious tone, and unreadable face? Perhaps you envision an auditor setting up camp in your office for three days straight, going through your files with a fine-tooth comb?

Reducing Audit Anxiety

Medicaid can be scary and it can also be rewarding in being able to work with the clients you love serve. Luckily, for many private practice therapists in Colorado who are Medicaid Providers, an audit doesn’t look quite as intense as a Matrix movie scene.  In my experience so far, an audit request from Medicaid (at least in Colorado) comes in the mail and tends to be packaged as a request for several progress notes or documents on various clients, to then mail or fax back to Medicaid within 30 days for review. At that point, you would get a percentage grade of compliance and written suggestions for improvement going forward as a Medicaid provider. From this basic explanation, some of you are breathing a sigh of relief knowing that you have your paperwork ready and able to send off in a timely manner.

Solutions in The Super Six

But what about those of you who aren’t feeling so confident? To be honest, we know that the majority of therapists did not get into this profession for paperwork. You were called to this work to help others and to make a difference. In an effort to streamline your process and continue meaningful work with your clients, please allow me to introduce you to The Super Six paperwork items Medicaid (in Colorado) requires for compliance.

1)    CCAR: Colorado Client Assessment Record

The CCAR is an administrative document that provides a snapshot of client functioning at intake, update, and discharge. It’s currently on hold indefinitely by State Medicaid who is reporting updates to their system as of July 1, 2018. So far any of you starting with Medicaid in Colorado, you are in the clear! And for those of you working with clients prior to July 2018, you’ll want to have a CCAR (or several) included in your client file.

2)    Mental Health Assessment

Just as it sounds, the Mental Health Assessment is part of your formal intake to explore symptoms, client needs, and justification for a mental health diagnosis. It also serves as a temporary treatment plan as you continue to build rapport and in further sessions to refine and confirm your goals with your client. Mental Health Assessments cover a significant span of questions including mental health history, family history, legal involvement, substance use, trauma, developmental milestones, and more.

3)    Treatment Plan(s)

A treatment plan is an outline of goals and means to make progress in therapy. Many therapists have adopted the SMART acronym as a framework for formatting a therapeutic treatment plan, which stands for Smart, Measurable, Attainable, Realistic, and Timely. Treatment plans should address the diagnoses given to a client at intake and reflect means of making progress towards those goals. Treatment plans should be updated regularly, recommended as every six months. Lastly, treatment plans should be personalized to each client including capturing in their own words what they would like to accomplish in therapy with you.

4)    Progress Notes

The meat of the therapeutic file, progress notes provide the trail of progress made in the therapeutic relationship. An auditor expects to see what you contributed in each session as the provider, the client’s response to the therapeutic interventions offered, the progress made in each session, and the intention of future sessions. SOAP or DAP notes are an acceptable format with some minor tweaks for Medicaid compliance.

5)    Discharge Summary

When a client in no longer working with you in therapy, planned or unplanned, Medicaid desires a summary of the client at discharge. This document tends to be placed at the top of a file as a snapshot of closure from services including frequency of sessions, medication(s) at time of discharge, recommendations, and designation of discharge as positive, negative, or neutral. Designation can be interpreted by you as the therapist, with some examples being a positive discharge if finished with their identified goals, negative discharge if the client disengaged or ghosted therapy, or neutral for when a client changes insurance funding or moves out of state, preventing them from continuing in therapy with you as their provider.

6)    Medicaid Client Rights

The last of The Super Six is a document provided by Medicaid as providers are contracted and approved to see Medicaid members as clients. Similar to your own mandatory disclosure statement, the Medicaid Client Rights is a document that outlines your client’s rights in using Medicaid for medical and mental health services, including items such as each member has the right to the best fit therapist, right to access their file, right to file a grievance, and more.

The Evolution of EHR

So you’ve got the paperwork down, knowing that Medicaid still loves paper files and client signatures throughout. But what if you are wanting to go paperless with an EHR (Electronic Health Record)? The good news is that EHRs have really simplified paperwork compliance, allowing the writing of notes, signing of documents, and billing of claims, all with the click of a button! With that being said, you will still need to modify templates in any EHR you use, knowing that they aren’t automatically Medicaid compliant. 

Some suggested modifications and tips for EHR and compliance include:

a.     Identifying the place of service on your session progress note (i.e. office, community, group home, client home)

b.     Ensuring your full legal name and credentials are reflected in the note as you lock it to electronically sign it 

c.     Writing and signing/locking your notes within seven (7) business days of the completed session

d.     Indicating the next scheduled session with full date and time to show intention of continued therapeutic work

e.     Including the Medicaid number/identifier for your client in each note

Final Tips for Avoiding an Audit

The paperwork may feel cumbersome, but if you can master it, you can master any other private insurance’s requirements for compliance as many find Medicaid to be the most rigorous! Allow yourself to adopt new strategies to refine your paperwork process and feel confident that you can pass an audit! Keeping confidence in mind, here are some final tips to help you master Medicaid!

1.     Never collect money from a Medicaid client or their family

2.     Obtain client signatures on your Mental Health Assessment and every treatment plan

3.     Be cautious of billing case management if working within a traditional outpatient therapist role, this is one element that increases risk for audit due to others’ misuse.

4.     Be sure to explore compliance needs within your state and region and move forward implementing changes as soon as you become aware of them

You’ve done it! You’ve utilized this blog as an initial framework and checklist for Medicaid Mastery and Audit Avoidance! Congratulations on your hard work and welcome to the Medicaid family!

To Conquer or Die: Pivoting as a Recovering Perfectioneur

Control Freak.

Entrepreneur.

Workaholic.

Type A Personality.

Perfectioneur.

A Perfectionist Entrepreneur

Have you ever worked so hard at something that you made yourself sick? Maybe it was that time at the gym where you pushed yourself so hard in a workout that you felt physically ill. Or during dead week in college, that week before finals, where you worked so hard to feel prepared, only to get sick after finals were over. Working so hard to master something, it’s something I know a lot about as a Recovering Perfectioneur. 

There are many Perfectioneurs in this world, managing the workforce with the badge of busy-ness. 

How’s life? It’s busy! 

How are you? So busy! 

Responding to an American culture of independence and prosperity, we are a breed of Entrepreneurs driven by desires to create, to make an impact, and to lead change. A group of hustlers that epically fail at self-care and work-life balance. Running themselves into the ground out of a desire to accomplish things that feel important, meaningful, and worthwhile. A group of Millennial and Gen-Z ers who were taught to work hard for what they want, only to find themselves overworked, burnt out, and with higher risks of anxiety and depression.

A phrase that captures this experience: To conquer or die. It’s a family motto I believe to my core, even going so far as to tattoo it on my body! And as a result, I was nearing collapse and total breakdown. That’s when I learned I needed to recover as a Perfectioneur.

That’s me, now what? 

So maybe you resonate with this definition of Perfectioneurs. If this is you, there is hope! Let’s look at some ideas outside of the commercialized concepts of self-care that can help you heal and grow for the better.

1.     Rest versus Restoration

Self-care from an American standpoint might present like a vacation, massage, or other costly thing that is meant to encourage a person to slow down and take a breather. For many of us, the luxury of spending money on such items can be a struggle. Perhaps it’s not even the financial stress but the struggle to carve out a chunk of time in your full schedule to complete it. Feeling like we don’t have time is half the battle. With this in mind, it’s no wonder planners have come back into popularity, with the purpose of blocking out time for yourself, your friends, and your family.

So now it’s the weekend and you decide to binge watch Netflix and lounge on the couch to rest after a very full week. Do you find yourself feeling rested? What about restored? Rest is the idea of limited or low activity. There is purpose to rest. But for so many of us, rest doesn’t provide us with renewed stamina or energy to keep achieving and progressing. We are still tired. We are still overwhelmed.

Instead, perhaps we embrace the concept of restoration. What are some things that energize you, restore your energy, revitalize you, bring you back to yourself? Interestingly enough, the list of ideas for self-care shift when presented from the lens of restoration! Maybe now you are thinking about being in nature, cooking a delicious meal, or dancing to good music. Rest and restoration have value for Perfectioneurs and Entrepreneurs, it’s important to identify a balance of both.

2.     Who’s in your orbit?

As you think deeper about restoration, perhaps there are cherished people in your life that you want to be involved in that experience. Do you feel restored when surrounding yourself with loved ones? Fellow Entrepreneurs? Creative thinkers? Dreamers? Giving yourself permission to explore the relationships that energize you can be insightful into how you spend your time. Recognizing individuals who drain you, ask too much of you, or relationships that just don’t feel reciprocal, can be adding to your risk of burnout when feeling overworked and overscheduled. Give yourself permission to focus on the relationships that boost your energy and creative spirit, they will be the ones you’ll want to schedule and make time for because of how they make you feel.

3.     Find your Focus

Balancing your time, your relationships, and your goals can be difficult. And yet, now that you’ve identified the relationships and activities that energize you, you can bring those goals into focus. What if I asked you to write down some goals that are showing up in your mind in this very moment? What items are on your agenda? 

What if I told you that you can only focus on 7 goals in the next 6 months? For those of you who are hustling hard, this may feel restrictive, challenging, and create anxiety and resentment. What would you cross off your list, giving yourself permission to focus on only these 7 goals for the next 6 months? It may feel difficult at first, but it’s amazing to find yourself making more significant progress on the 7 goals because you are also saying NO to everything else. We know that multitasking can be done, but at the risk of lower productivity and limited outcomes since your energy is spread too thin. I encourage you to embrace this exercise of identifying 7 top priorities in your goals list and leave the rest to be added when these 7 are accomplished. You might surprise yourself in how you feel, recognizing more energy, focus, and progress as the result of your efforts!

These are just three strategies that I’ve worked on in order to come back to balance, health, and healing.  And like anyone else in recovery, it’s a choice every day to do something that’s in your best interest. If you decide to take the leap, recognizing yourself as a workaholic, a Type A person, an Enneagram Type 3, or as a fellow Perfectioneur, I can’t wait to see how these strategies work for you, not only to move closer to your values and feelings of fulfillment but to change the narrative of Entrepreneurs for the next generation trying to make a difference for all.

If you’ve run yourself into the ground, the only direction to go is up!

Attract and Retain Millennials: a quiz to learn how to make a greater impact with your Millennial employees.

1.When assigning a task to a Millennial employee, what is your best approach?

a. Explain why the project is important and why their role is valuable

b. Convince them by repeating yourself until they agree

c. Send an email of the project and deadline

d. Tell them they need to do it promptly or else consequences will follow 

2.What is the best way to have your Millennial employee feel valued at work?

a. Give them more work to do

b. Advocate for them on their behalf during a tough meeting

c. Remind them that they are just a cog in the wheel 

d. Take them to coffee outside of the office 

3.What is the best way to empower your Millennial employee in the workplace?

a. Give them flexible hours and the option to work from home periodically 

b. Provide free food

c. Allow them to wear jeans more regularly 

d. Tell them to just keep working hard and good things will come 

4.What is the best way to instill loyalty in your Millennial employee?

a. Have them sign a non-compete agreement so they don’t leave

b. Tell them that this is the best company for them

c. Promote them to a new role without a pay increase or title change

d. Create a compensation package that supports work life balance

5.What is the best way to provide constructive feedback to your Millennial employee?

a. Give them tough love

b. Use the sandwich technique

c. Don’t provide feedback at all because Millennials are sensitive 

d. Provide verbal affirmations in constructive and compassionate ways

6.What is the best way to keep your Millennial employee happy and satisfied in their position? 

a. Ask them often if they are happy

b. Buy donuts weekly 

c. Consider creating more rungs in the ladder of career advancement

d. Have them take a quiz on happiness in the workplace 

Add up your points for each response: 1. a-4 b-1 c-3 d-2 2. a-2 b-4 c-1 d-3 3. a-4 b-2 c-1 d-3

4. a-1 b-2 c-3 d-4 5. a-2 b-3 c-1 d-4 6. a-3 b-1 c-4 d-2.  Total Points:______

Score 24-19: Cool, I’m a Millennial Expert!

Score 18-12: Middle of the road Millennial management

Score 11-6: Nope, Millennials are Aliens!

Seven Things a Therapist Needs to Know When Working with a Suicidal Client

1.  Move painful to present.  It can be scary as a therapist when we have a client talking about suicide.  Our mind might skip ahead to the worse-case scenario; death.  Instead, staying present in the pain can alleviate some of the intensity in a client feeling they have safety and permission to talk about it.

2.  Remember, curiosity doesn’t kill this cat.  Remaining curious and open to a client sharing their experience can help you identify the risks and your next steps rather than escalating things.  Adrenaline might be flowing but as an empathetic listener, you can identify the snippets of their suicide story that elevate risk and come up with a plan.

3.  Avoid band-aids for bullet holes. Your own fear or inexperience may drive your desire to place your client in a hospital level of care but slow down! Many clients are reluctant to share their suicide story due to fear that you will hospitalize them so opening up takes work and trust. Identify when hospitalization is necessary versus the hotline, safety planning, or other life-saving resources.

4. Support safety planning out of a sinkhole.  Engaging your client in safety planning can support awareness of wellness, warning signs, and triggers for decline while supporting practice of positive coping skills.  It can also help you have some peace of mind by knowing how they can support themselves between sessions by utilizing other resources that could prevent burnout for you in this challenging work.

5.  Accept chronic thoughts as comfort objects. You might not find comfort in the nonchalant disclosure of a client with chronic suicidal thoughts but they do!  Alleviate the awkwardness by focusing on relationships, coping skills practice, and ongoing follow up of their suicidal thoughts to ensure nothing critical changes.

6. Know this isn’t one and done.  You have the tools and the training to understand the complex relationship between dozens of risk factors. Tracking mental health, increased symptoms, and/or new or growing stressors that would put your client at greater risk for suicide can help you determine next steps.

7.  Focus on quantity over quality.  Client protective factors are identified as things internal or external that keep them alive in the face of suicide. Helping your client to build a longer list of protective factors can support them in finding hope and support outside of your therapeutic sessions.

Avoidance and Attendance: Advocating for yourself

It’s that time of year. The time where you might feel the urge to disengage from therapy in response to the season, holidays, or stress.  The time when you may need an appointment the most in order to support you through trauma, family conflict, isolation, and loneliness. For some, the crises seem to intensify during the holidays. Perhaps you are experiencing depression symptoms due to the winter weather or maybe you are battling loneliness in spending the holidays away from your loved ones. Perhaps you are attempting to navigate the unwanted memories of trauma during your family’s holiday dinner or are experiencing high anxiety because of money stress and holiday shopping. You on your journey to sobriety and anticipate having to navigate holiday parties around family and friends where temptation may lead to relapse. Combine these stressful situations with your ability to cope and you may feel you can engage in therapy fully to receive support, or in some cases, desire to disengage in response to the overwhelming feeling of all that is weighing you down. It can feel like a balancing act to engage your supports when feeling stressed, but rest assured, it can be an empowering experience to engage in through the holiday season in support of your personal and relationship goals.

Avoiding Appointments

The more easily measured type of avoidance when overwhelmed is a change in attendance in your scheduled sessions. Perhaps you find yourself canceling sessions when in the past, you’ve been consistent in attending each week. Or maybe you find yourself cancelling last minute due to feeling like you need to use that time or money for another task? How do you explore your needs when you haven’t been able to justify spending the time or money on your own mental health? Depending on how your therapist structures sessions, you may want to consider advocating for yourself in exploring the following:

• Completing a phone call with your therapist to communicate what is going on in your world and attempt to re-engage in sessions to support managing your stress.

• Engaging in a phone session instead of a face-to-face to explore and address present stressors if you are unable to attend in person.

• Identifying a different appointment time that encourages attendance such as an early morning before work or later evening if appropriate and depending on if your therapist has openings at those times.

• Identifying biweekly or monthly sessions for the holiday season to account for financial constraints and time management.

• Reviewing your attendance contract with your therapist to explore opportunities and restrictions, such as possibly placing scheduled appointments on hold and resuming at a later time if appropriate.

Emotionally checking out

The hope is that with ongoing rapport, the conversations with your therapist above can support you with healthy communication and accountability when experiencing increased distress. Your relationship with your therapist, or rapport, becomes even more important when you find yourself engaged by your therapist around a lack of emotional participation in session. Perhaps you begin to notice that you struggle to arrive on time to your scheduled appointments, jumping into sessions with details unrelated to yourself or changing subjects rapidly throughout the scheduled time. Or maybe you remain surface-level in your processing, not dropping down into emotions and deeper meaning in session because you are avoiding the stress or have worries that it will become unbearable when talking about it. With healthy communication, you can name what’s going on for you and process the outcomes with your therapist. Here are some examples of how you might start the conversation:

• In response to running late: “I’m struggling to get here on time and it feels rushed lately, like we have to fit it all in. Can I talk to you more about what that’s like for me?”

• In response to staying surface-level: “I have to admit, it’s easier to talk about the lighter things than the deeper, more stressful stuff. I think I’m worried that if we talk about it, it will just make me feel worse.”

• To encourage connection: “I feel very disconnected from my body, like my head is fuzzy and floating and I just want to be numb rather than this stressed all the time. Can you help me feel more like myself?”

• To encourage feedback: “I’m needing something different in our sessions to help me. Can I talk to you more about that?”

• To name fears: “I’m afraid that if we talk about these things, I won’t be able to function or get things done afterwards,” or “I’m reluctant to talk about this now because we won’t have our next appointment until after the holiday.”

Any of these statements can lead to a supportive conversation with your therapist to further identify and explore your needs. These sessions can prove to be some of the most impactful and fruitful in not only holding space for emotion and processing of stress, but also supporting vulnerability and self-advocacy in exploring how you can engage all of your supports in ways that feel beneficial to you.

Hear me

Vulnerability is hard. Yet for many of us, the power of being seen, heard, and understood makes engaging in vulnerability worthwhile. Your therapist, engaging you from a place of compassion and empathy, can better understand your needs when you speak of them. Your therapist can offer a neutral curiosity with ongoing optimism conveys the message that, together, you can find relief. Whether it be concrete tools for coping or holding space for your emotions, your therapist can create a safety net to address any fear, guilt, or shame you may be harboring in these moments of distress. Engaging in holiday travel, consider your therapy sessions a roadmap to relief! With direction and insight, you can address avoidance and attendance from an authentic, supportive place to best serve you during the hustle and bustle of the holiday season.

“You are as amazing as you let yourself be. Let me repeat that, you are as amazing as you let yourself be.” Elizabeth Alraune

Failure to Launch: Fostering Confidence and Freedom

You may recall the American Romantic Comedy “Failure to Launch” in 2006 that describes a 30-something man struggling to leave the nest. This concept isn’t foreign when describing young adults’ struggle with achieving the next milestone of independence: moving out of their parents’ house. Dr. Jean Twenge writes extensively on the trends of stagnation and delayed pursuit of independence in both the Millennial and iGen generations.  But what can we do to support confidence and the pursuit of autonomy and freedom in our young adults?

An Uphill Battle

For many young adults, American society has given them expectations that they can do anything they want, be anything they want, follow their dreams, and thus, never settle for mediocre in their identity, career, or relationships. For the adult child, this becomes a rude awakening when facing competitive college admissions, fighting for quality jobs, and budgeting to live on their own with the rising cost of living. Dr. Twenge speaks extensively about the ways young adults are set up to fail—highlighting loneliness, a lack of self-esteem, and elevated anxiety and depression as some of the challenges of our 18-35-year-olds.

Recognizing that these challenges may lead to stagnation and loss of confidence, it is important to foster hope for these generations, both in themselves and the communities they cultivate that can help them achieve success. Below are some ideas for young adults to support their transition to independence from their parent’s home:

1. Identify communities of support-By finding and strengthening connection to communities that feel like-minded and relatable, you can shift from family of origin focus to relating to others and developing other spheres of connection outside the home.

2. Explore other's experience-Knowing that you are not alone in how you feel and the struggles you face can make the transition less lonely and more hopeful by learning form other’s experience and strategizing your next move.

3. Build confidence-Engage in self-discovery by identifying areas where you have strengths. Identify what’s most important to you through values exercises at Lifevaluesinventory.org and explore career strengths and direction at youscience.com.

4. Positive reframes-Practicing your ability to rewrite negative thoughts or experiences can be a powerful tool in creating confidence and hope of independence. Reframing negative thoughts as temporary or your best effort can inspire movement and hope. To learn more, consider individual therapy where a professional can teach you these skills through Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy or identify a gratitude practice that can shift negative thoughts daily.

Parenting Parameters

Fostering hope and confidence is not exclusively the job of professionals. The support of parents can also be crucial to the confidence of a young adult. Here are some ideas for parents to encourage the exit from the nest:

1. Support structure-parents’ ability to provide rules and expectations in the home can be an important incentive for young adults to exit and live on their own. When we think of the movie “Failure to Launch,” the parents made it too easy and convenient to stay in the home, thus stifling any urge in their son to leave. Structure can support expectations of a young adult’s transition from the house in a supportive way.

2. Remain consistent-being consistent and true to your word as a parent is just as important now as it was when your young adult was a child. Predictability can support your young adult in building respect for your position in their exit from the home by identifying a timeline for your young adult to move towards independence and freedom.

3. Provide encouragement-with change comes anxiety. Remember to be encouraging, positive, and reassuring towards your young adult that you are still a part of their lives and care about them as they make this transition. This will allow them to feel comfort rather than anxiety or grief at the loss of daily contact and connection offered in your household.

In whatever ways one accesses the confidence to pursue independence, knowing there are loving, caring connections between the person and others is a vital component of their success. There is no rule book for how to move from failure to launch to thriving in freedom. In a generation that feels more lonely and anxious than ever, community connection and meaningful interactions can help. We can support the next generations in their success though encouragement and kindness, and in this effort, we all win.

 “Change is hardest at the beginning, messiest in the middle, and best at the end.” Robin Sharma

Exploring the Enneagram: Relationship Reinforcement

I can’t handle it when others are upset. I throw myself into work to avoid emotions. I want to be left alone. No one understands me. I want everyone around me to be happy. Can you relate to any of these statements when it comes to how you operate in your world? Does this describe your reactions when relating to others? If so, there is good news! The Enneagram is a personality test that not only looks at your strengths and weaknesses, but also allows insight into relationships with others in order to strengthen compassion and connection.

Personality Test Popularity

For many of us, we’ve been exposed to personality tests in the past, whether it was part of high school psychology class, a component of starting a new job, or a viral quiz on social media. Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) was the go-to personality test for several decades starting in the 1940s when exploring a person’s extraversion, intuition, and decision-making skills. The Enneagram has been around almost as long, making an introduction in America in the 1950s. Praised as a tool for deeper awareness, self-understanding, and self-discovery, The Enneagram classifies personality into 9 categories or types, identified below by The Enneagram Institute as:

• Type 1: The Reformer

• Type 2: The Helper

• Type 3: The Achiever

• Type 4: The Individualist

• Type 5: The Investigator

• Type 6: The Loyalist

• Type 7: The Enthusiast

• Type 8: The Challenger

• Type 9: The Peacemaker

The Enneagram also claims that a person’s designation as one of the nine types is solidified in childhood based on traumatic or impactful experiences that reinforce behaviors that support feelings of safety and security.  For example, someone who tests at Type 2, The Helper, may have a core belief that “I am good and ok if I help others.” The authors of several Enneagram books, Don Richard Riso and Russ Hudson further describe each person’s capacity to equally develop into any one type, however the type that ultimately defines us is reinforced by our environment at a very young age. Another example that can highlight this concept is the child who is praised for every positive performance or good grade, allowing them to feel pride when sharing their accomplishments at a young age. In continuing to seek that valuable praise to feel positively about themselves, they might find themselves pursuing various accomplishments throughout their life in a series of patterns of achievement, categorizing them as Personality Type 3, The Achiever.

Put it to the Test

So now that your curiosity is peaked, why not put it to the test and see for yourself? You might have an idea of your type just from the names above, however there are several options that can clarify your results.  The Enneagram Institute (enneagraminsitute.com) has an online test that can define your type and any other connections to other types based on your responses to a series of questions. A faster option can also be found in a free App called EnneaApp, that can allow you to explore your type and read more about what the results mean in shortened form, ideal for those who want family members and loved ones to also test and identify their personality types. The Enneagram has risen in popularity due to its use in various contexts to help people better understand themselves and others.

• Premarital Counseling

• Individual and Family Therapy

• Workplace Efficacy & Human Resources

As you can imagine, clarity about your type and The Enneagram type of others around you can help you rise to your fullest potential, including strategizing on projects in the workplace or connecting at a deeper level interpersonally. Therapists value the Enneagram due to its ability to start conversations about similarities and differences between people, as well as its ability to provide opportunities for growth and self-discovery.

Discovering Depth

Self-discovery with the Enneagram reflects the effort you put in the results and your ability to have an open mind. Designation of your personality type includes implications for balance and wellness by looking at the positive characteristics (which will please you) and the negative characteristics (which will make you want to hide). In other words, you will have positive traits that you feel fit your personality very well, and negative traits you will want to reject due to the painful accuracy of things you want to keep hidden from others due to embarrassment or shame.

Allow me to illustrate. If you are found to be a Type 8, The Challenger, you, like all the types, have both positive and negative characteristics. Some of your positive characteristics include having a powerful vision of your future, being vocal about your goals to get results, getting others cooperation in those goals, and being described as passionate.  So far so good right? You sound like a force to be reckoned with. On the other hand, your negative traits include speaking over others, a ‘my way or the highway’ mentality when challenged, being described as bossy and overbearing, and being intimidating when expressing anger. As you can imagine, balance between positive and negative characteristics is important in exploring shifts to support connection with others both personally and professionally as well as workplace success.

Enneagram Enhanced

The Enneagram can go much deeper into passions, difficulties, relationships, team work, and more. Just look for trainings in your community and online to move into further discovery after you identify your type or the type of those you value. By beginning your journey into The Enneagram starting with your own reflection, you will uncover unlimited possibilities regarding how to successfully connect with strengths in yourself and with others! 

 “The point of it isn’t to just be a type, but to use the awareness of our type as a kind of entry into a more full-bodied humanity and a greater and greater capacity to embody and flow with all the different qualities of our humanness.” Russ Hudson

Upper Limit Problem: Smashing Through our Self-imposed Glass Ceiling

Remember when we explored if we’d quit something before it could go wrong? How you’ve ended a relationship before you could get hurt? We identified these as examples of self-sabotage, which can strike at any moment when we feel that things are gaining momentum in a positive way.  But what happens when you achieve the success you’ve always wanted and now, instead of joy, you feel doubt and dread, fearing it is too good to last?  Because of this fear, perhaps you desire to remain safe in your career trajectory, creating your own glass ceiling because it pays the bills and supports stability.  You choose comfort rather than taking risks that would allow you to reach your fullest potential.  Gay Hendricks calls putting on the breaks when our success has exceeded what we thought it could as The Upper Limit Problem, described in detail in his book “The Big Leap.”

Signs you have an Upper Limit Problem

It’s understandable that we struggle with success in thinking it’s too good to be true. Awareness of our reactions to success and the resulting negative thoughts and unconscious self-sabotaging behaviors can be considered a first step in recognizing the problem and identifying viable solutions!  Here are some signs that you might be experiencing an Upper Limit Problem:

• You avoid taking risks

• You can’t slow down

• You can’t enjoy your successes due to fear and doubt

• You prevent change in wanting stability

• You love your comfort zone

• You feel uncomfortable with too many successes at once

• You get stressed and sick when experiencing rapid growth

Smashing through your Upper Limit Problem

For many, illness in response to stressors or fear of success in a big part of their Upper Limit Problem. So now that you know what you are experiencing, what can you do about it? Here are some ideas that might help:

• Identify positive affirmations such as “I’m right where I should be.” “I’ve worked hard for this success.” “I deserve good things.”

• Engage your supports. Talk to others you trust about the stress you are feeling in the face of your achievements.

• Practice mindfulness. Engage in mindfulness and meditation practices to reinforce positive vibes and refocus.

• Slow down. Take breaks for self-care and rest up to prevent illness.

By recognizing the signs of your Upper Limit Problem and exploring possible responses, you can remove self-sabotaging behaviors and fully surrender to your success, allowing yourself to enjoy your accomplishments and continue to thrive in the possibilities of your future.

“The goal in life is not to attain some imaginary ideal; it is to find and fully use our own gifts.” Gay Hendricks

Imposter Syndrome: Sabotaging Success

Have you ever quit something before it could go wrong? Ended a relationship before you could get hurt? Stirred things up out of boredom? These are all examples of self-sabotage, which can manifest when we don’t feel we deserve good things or when we fatalistically think all good things must come to an end. With Imposter Syndrome, you may experience all of these thoughts and feelings in response to having an internal battle with yourself and have a fear of success! More specifically, when achieving success, your doubt in yourself may show up as a fear of being exposed as a fraud to others.

Image courtesy of caitlinhudon.com

The image above captures the perception that others know more than us, which can lead to self-sabotaging behaviors or crippling self-doubt, resulting in delayed or stunted progress towards your goals and creating unnecessary anxiety in various areas of our lives. So, what can we do about it? How do we embrace our knowledge base, success, and self-worth?

Discovering Strengths

For many of us, it’s a fine balance between self-confidence and ego.  Our society has taught the youngest generations to not speak too highly of themselves out of concern of being called cocky, egotistical, entitled, or self-centered. When celebrating strengths, it is important to break down some of these barriers and embrace what we do well.  Some ways you can do this include:

1. Asking Family and Friends: By engaging in rewarding conversations with those that know you well, you can listen for language that describes your strengths.

2. Floating Back: Recalling compliments or positive feedback from others in the past, including work situations, can help pinpoint times when you were recognized for your strengths.

3. Take a Test: The popularity of personality tests and other self-assessments continue in helping people find their strengths. Consider the following tests in your self-exploration:

• Myers Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) – looks at how you interact with others, thinking vs. feeling, and more.

• Enneagram – Explores how you relate to others and what you contribute to relationships when balanced or unbalanced. Check out the free EnneaApp quiz in the App store!

• Big Five Factor Personality Test – explores your openness, agreeableness, neuroticism and more.

• Locus of Control – take the self-assessment to explore how you are internally or externally motivated to do things in your life.

• Values Inventory – explore what is most important to you with a values inventory. A free, online version can be found at http://www.lifevaluesinventory.org

Encouraging Growth

Now that you’ve found your language and skills that demonstrate your strengths, it will be important to continue learning about yourself to silence the Imposter Syndrome’s little, nagging voice that states you are a fraud. Perhaps you challenge yourself to grow through additional schooling or training. Or measure your progress through achievement of short-term goals. Or perhaps you identify a professional who can serve as an accountability partner in your quest for confidence. Such professionals include:

• Coaches

• Consultants

• Therapists

Celebrating Successes

By engaging a trusted professional or other support person who know you well, you can also feel encouraged to slow down and celebrate the little successes in life. Maybe you had a goal to feel more comfortable talking about what you do with others and you celebrate attending a network event where you had to describe it to multiple people in a matter of minutes. Perhaps you have a goal of conquering your fear of public speaking and find yourself in front of a community audience talking about a project you are involved in. Whatever the achievement, slowing down to celebrate it with those you love can reduce the experience of Imposter Syndrome, making is less of a barrier and instead, serving as fuel for your fire of drive and purpose!

“Think about all the crazy ways you feel different from everyone else. And now take the judgment out of that. And what you are left with is such a wholly dynamic, inspiring character who could lead an epic story.” Jennifer Lee