What to Do When Your Work is Stolen As a Self-Published Author

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You’ve published a book and it’s a big deal! After putting your thoughts to paper and finessing the gift you are giving your audience, you are focused on marketing your book and getting it out there. It’s exciting and feels like hard work all at the same time. Amidst the rollercoaster of emotions that come with being a published author, it doesn’t even cross your mind that someone could steal your work and sell it as their own in the self-publishing space. As the author of five self-published books, I sure didn’t, and yet it happened to me!

I found out my work had be plagiarized on 10/14/22. Not once but TWICE. I happened to be looking up my book on Amazon after a colleague reached out to share that they’d submitted a 5-star review. Imagine my surprise when I saw my Amazon #1 Best-Seller Perfectioneur: From Workaholic to Well-Balanced listed (in English, Spanish, and a workbook), followed by two almost identical titles, published to Kindle in July 2022. My first reaction was shock. Was that really my book title under another author’s name? I clicked on the Kindle listing and was even more baffled to see a verbatim list of my book chapters under their book’s description.

Exactly the same.

As I attempted to wrap my head around what was happening, I felt a mix of flattery—wow they thought my content was good enough to steal!—and outrage—do people really think they can get away with this? Luckily, a quick google search showed me how common it is to have your digital work plagiarized in the self-published space. Thankfully, my search also provided me with some guidance on possible solutions. I want to share my experience with you here so that you too can feel prepared if this were to ever happen to you as a self-published author.

 

Step 1: Gather your materials that show the Intellectual Property (IP) was yours first.

This is basically a paper trail showing your ownership before others decided to steal your material. Examples of things that could work include:

·      links to your book listing in Amazon that reflect the original publishing date

·      an email time stamp on your book manuscript

·      screenshots of marketing or social media posts that advertised your book

·      a blog where you first wrote about your concepts before the book was written

 

By no means is this an exhaustive list. Not to mention I’m not an IP lawyer. However, my attorney has emphasized over the years that ownership of IP is best proven by written materials that include unalterable dates on them. So start gathering your proof!

 

Step 2: Gather evidence of the plagiarism

This includes screenshots, links to the book listings, and capturing the ASIN (Amazon Standard Identification Number) or the link of each product you are reporting.

 

Step 3: Outreach Amazon to file a Copyright Infringement Form

Millions of people have chosen to list their self-published books on Amazon. If this is you, utilize Amazon’s form to file your complaint. They will review the materials you submitted and will most likely ask for additional information to prove you are the original owner of the IP in question.

 

In my experience, I notified Amazon the Friday I found out and had resolution by Monday morning 72 hours later when they emailed me to confirm they were taking down the listings that had plagiarized my content.

 

What not to do? Do not outreach the sellers. Why, you might ask?

1)    From my google search, I learned that oftentimes the author listed isn’t even a real person. Instead, folks could be scraping your written material off digital devices to then place it under a fictious author.

2)    If you outreach them, the listed contact can remove the plagiarized content before Amazon can see it, getting away with plagiarism and any of the profits they made from your work. Not to mention they could re-list your book content under a new listing if not flagged by Amazon itself.

 

So begins your journey to resolution regarding plagiarism. You may have noticed that the first efforts I listed don’t involve taking folks to court. In fact, that could be a costly response to your content being stolen and is considered a last-resort option for many. If you have plans to continue to put out new self-published content, consider having an Intellectual Property lawyer on retainer for legal advice as you go forward. Lastly, do an Amazon search once in awhile to ensure your content isn’t showing up under another listing or author’s name again. It’s definitely not the fun part of being an author, but it may feel necessary to check your online listings regularly, in order to reduce any anxiety you feel about your work being sold as someone else’s book, oftentimes as a cheaper price.

 

Where do I go from here in my own personal story of plagiarism? I feel like I’ve learned a lot in the last 72 hours. I can only hope my experience can help another author navigate this aggravating event with minimal stress. After all, your work is valued and valuable—it deserves to be out there under your name as the original author within the safety net of a professional self-publishing space.

Master Your Money in Private Practice: Five Tips from a Financial Therapist

As we find ourselves fully in the fourth quarter of 2022, perhaps you’ve started thinking about your goals for next year. You might be thinking about setting a goal to earn a certain amount, launching a secondary income stream, or are preparing to raise your rates. Do any of these bring up some anxiety? If so, you are not alone! Mental health professionals are helpers through and through. Some would say our worth is wrapped up in what we do for others. We complete extensive training to provide professional interventions and obtain a license to practice, but for many of us, having a business degree isn’t part of the initial equation. Therefore it’s not uncommon to see our community struggling with how to navigate money matters in private practice. It has become a challenging rite of passage when becoming our own boss.

 

Thankfully, we can support one another in the process of creating a healthier relationship with money to thrive in private practice. We’ve already embraced our vulnerability by exploring how to go about increasing our rates, moving to a cash-pay practice, and navigating when to charge for no-shows and late cancellations, as just a few examples. It’s the challenge of running your practice as a business that brings up some additional money blocks. Sometimes the blocks aren’t even ours to own! There are times we receive judgement from our communities who may question our motives, our focus or purpose, or believe we can’t maintain a thriving six-figure business and be a heartfelt professional at the same time. A change in mentality around money is needed. Although we can’t make the bigger systemic change overnight, there are several things we can do as helping professionals to master our money and meet our professional goals.

 

1. Read a Money Book. Find a book that speaks to you, preferably one with built-in exercises to challenge your own discomfort around money. I appreciate the exercises found within Jen Sincero’s book, You are a Badass at Making Money and Bari Tessler’s book, The Art of Money. Exploring our current emotional response to money in crucial. Are you avoidant with your money? Do you feel like your money is controlling you rather than you controlling your money? What do you want your future relationship with money to be? By moving through these simple yet powerful exercises, you can remove money blocks and recognize your money triggers as a business professional.

 

2. Revisit Your Values. When exploring your relationship with money, it helps to know what holds the highest value for you. If one of your top values is stability, you may find yourself pursuing income streams to ensure stability within your business. If one of your top values is community, you may consider carving out a select number of reduced fee or pro bono spots to serve clients who couldn’t normally afford your services. Values, in principle, mean they are important to your life. Check in on how present your values are in your work now. If one of your top values is family but you find yourself working all the time, reworking your beliefs about money can help.

 

3. Watch Something on Money. I love having people watch the movie “Knives Out” to see what comes up for them in their money story related to each character. Who do they relate to and why? Who are they repulsed by and why? Seeing money behaviors and disorders represented in these characters can be an eye-opening experience for professionals to discover their own limits when working with clients and money. More recently, Netflix put out a documentary called “Get Smart With Money,” where four individuals were paired up with financial professionals to identify strategies to help them achieve their money goals. For some, it was about getting out of crippling debt. For others, it was about investing and making their money work for them. The concepts and tools presented throughout the documentary have value, so I encourage professionals as well as clients to watch.

 

4. Know Your Numbers. As you explore your emotions around money, it’s equally important to know your numbers. Do you know your average income each month? Do you have a sense of your expenses each month? Have you created a PTO account to pay yourself while taking a much-needed break for self-care? Do you know your net worth? Fortunately, there are tools out there to help you organize your money. Perhaps you start with an excel spreadsheet of your expenses to see where things land. Or maybe you have a graph already populating your spending habits through your online banking portal. You might invest in an app like TillerHQ, YNAB, or Mint to track your money or save for the future. With so many options out there, the important thing to remember is to find one that works for you.

 

5. Work with a Financial Therapist. As a Financial Therapist myself, I was inspired to take the leap into this role after doing my own personal money work. Talk about ah-has and epiphanies! I’m excited to share that the Financial Therapist community is growing and that there is a whole directory of Financial Therapists online who focus on helping people improve or heal their relationship with money. Find your best-fit professional by state or specialty and see how your feelings towards money shift, in having a safe space to do this powerful work as a practice owner.

 

Your relationship with money will evolve and change for the better as you do your own meaningful work. 2023 is a new year with new perspective for all of us. Let’s cultivate a healthy relationship with money for improved mental health, work-life balance, and money mastery as professionals in private practice!

 

 

Khara Croswaite Brindle, MA, LPC, ACS, CFT-I is a Certified Financial Therapist-Level I, Licensed Professional Counselor, Approved Clinical Supervisor and Group Practice Owner in Denver, CO.

Five Tips to Help You Write One Book a Year

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As an author having just submitted my sixth book to a publisher, I’m being asked the question of “what’s your process?” What makes it possible to write and launch one book a year, as I’ve done since 2019? Although there is no ‘one way’ to do it, I have learned a couple things that work for me and could work for others too!

 

Tip 1: Identify the gift your book gives others

Most of us start with a book idea. Perhaps it came to you at 4am or while talking to a close colleague. Maybe you realized from your client work that you have a message to share with a broader audience. Similar to a TEDx talk, asking yourself “what is the message worth spreading” can help you get clear on why you want to write this book in the first place. Identifying your gift also reinforces the bigger vision and audience of your book, which comes in handy as you decide to either self-publish or pitch your work to a publishing company.

 

As an example, let’s take a look at the ideas behind my books over the years:

1)    The Empowerment Model of Clinical Supervision (2019)-- introduced a new model of clinical supervision for mental health leaders.

2)    Perfectioneur: From Workaholic to Well-Balanced (2020) (English, Spanish, and Workbook)--offered 22 concrete tools to support driven professionals who struggle with self-care or burnout.

3)    Helpers with Hashimoto’s (2021)--explored an idea that professional helpers are more suspetible to thyroid conditions due to compassion fatigue, trauma, chronic stress, and the desire to help others at the risk of their own health.

4)    Estrangement Energy (2022, coming soon)—identified a clinical gap in representation of adult women who make the difficult choice to estrange from their mothers.

 

Tip 2: Create a book outline

I know, I know, this is reminiscent of high school English class where we groaned at the extra work of an outline. However, an outline helps you organize themes or concepts you want to highlight within your book by making them into chapters, allowing an easier flow to your writing. An outline serves as a roadmap to your writing process while taking readers on a journey with a cohesive beginning, middle and end.

 

Tip 3: Set a time to write, preferably daily

This can feel daunting but necessary. As a new mom in 2022, I knew if I didn’t carve out the time (after putting baby to bed) the book wouldn’t be written within the deadline that was set. Think about a 1-2 hour chunk of time at most. I gave myself weekend nights off to rest my brain, but felt it was important to at least revisit what I last wrote or complete a few sentences every night to keep a sense of momentum. Consider designating a place to write in order to condition your body to recognize that being in that space means it’s time to focus and get to work!

 

Tip 4: Embrace strategies for writer’s block

When feeling stuck in your writing, consider any of the following strategies:

1)    Revisit what you wrote and revise as desired. Sometimes just re-reading a section gives you a new idea or helps flush out a concept that previously had you feeling stuck.

2)    Brainstorm with a family member, friend or colleague to see what they’d want to know about your topic. This is immensely helpful in adding more content to your book or outline.

3)    Read other books on the subject to generate ideas and/or formulate possible new perspectives regarding their content. You may have a different spin or perspective to offer in your own book that is revealed by reading what others have to say.

4)    Pace as you brainstorm. The movement helps get creative juices flowing.

5)    Sleep on it and take notes if you wake up with a new idea, allowing yourself to capture the idea before resuming your sleep cycle.

 

Tip 5: Talk about your book

Just the act of talking about what you are writing can hold you accountable to getting the book done because sharing it with others keeps it fresh in your mind. Not only can talking about it keep you emotionally invested in your writing, it can help you identify a list of folks who want to know when the book is published because they’re excited to read it!

 

So there you have it! Five tips that have worked for me as a published author who averages one new book a year. Additionally, check out my on-demand self-paced course Professional & Published, which takes you through the process of writing, publishing, and marketing your first book. I hope these tips can help you on your journey to becoming a published author!

Seven Tips for Professionals Presenting at Conferences

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It’s almost conference season again! Perhaps you are pushing yourself to get out of your comfort zone with public speaking. Maybe you feel passionate about an idea you want to share with colleagues. Are you feeling ready to be seen as a subject expert in your field? Speaking at conferences can serve as a lead magnet for opportunities to provide additional consultation, invitations to present at other conferences and trainings, or result in requests to collaborate, such as writing a book or creating a paid training course. Therefore it is seen as a lucrative next step in your career if you are ready for it!

 

So what do you need to know to make a quality conference presentation? As someone who has completed dozens of professional speaking opportunities and presentations over the past six years, here are some tips to share that will leave you feeling invigorated at the end of your talk and will inspire people to connect with you after!

 

#1 Have Clear Learning Objectives

In order to get your talk or training topic approved by a conference, you’ll need to have clear learning objectives. What will people gain from your talk? What can they walk away with and implement right away? What is the gift you are giving that makes your talk worthwhile to attend? Conference organizers are looking for talks of value to their target audience and want something that stands out.

 

#2 Take Your Audience on a Journey

A quality talk is about taking audience members on a journey. The best talks are full of story, charisma, energy, and fun anecdotes that participants will remember long after the talk is finished. What are the key points you are trying to make and what’s the golden threat that ties them all together in a seamless fashion? Does it feel like there’s a beginning, middle, and end to your talk? Is there imagery that audience members can embrace?

 

#3 Limit your Slides

I know, I know, slides help us feel like we are prepared and giving tons of quality content to our audience. Yet we know that slides can be overwhelming and distracting if there is too much to them. The current advice of public speaking experts is to limit your slides to 23 words or less. And to limit the amount of slides overall. Better yet, use images rather than words to prompt you to remember what you wanted to talk about. It will keep people focused on what you say rather than reading slide after slide.

 

#4 Embrace Acronyms

In addition to stories, folks love acronyms or clever ways to remember your content. What can you offer that is unique to your topic? Not only will this have audience members recalling your ideas and sharing it easily with others, the creative content you develop becomes your intellectual property to copyright and use in social media, workbooks, and more!

 

#4 Pick a Power Pose

Your talk has been accepted and you are getting ready to go out there and engage your audience. Pick a power pose to ground yourself and boost your confidence. In my experience, not only does this help you drop into your body instead of your head where all your anxiety lives, it helps you regain deeper belly breath. Being able to breathe deeply helps you sound confident and project your voice to audience members at the back of the room with ease.

 

#5 Find the Happy Person

It’s all too easy to focus on the grumpy person in the room at your talk and attempt to win them over. How can you miss them, they are frowning, have their arms crossed, or look bored in your presence. Don’t fall into this trap! Instead, find the happy, enthusiastic person in the room and continue to talk to them with enthusiasm. The happy person is the one smiling, nodding in agreement, and seems interested in what you have to say. By focusing on them, you will keep your positive energy up, rather than having it be depleted by the skeptical folks in the room.

 

#6 End with a Call to Action

As your talk begins to wrap up, be sure to end on an empowering note by encouraging your audience members to do something meaningful with the information you just presented. Perhaps your call to action is to have them share what they learned with one colleague. Or to try this new skill with a client this week. Or to download your handout so they have all the resources they need handy. By ending with a call to action, your talk ends on a high note, rather than the typical Q&A that can deflate your energy and cause people to want to leave early.

 

#7 Start and End on Time

A true indicator of a prepared professional is to respect the time and space you’ve been allotted by conference organizers. To start or end late is a sign of disrespect to audience members who may need the break between presentations, or could negatively impact the professional who comes after you who needs to set up for their talk in the space. Time your talk accordingly for questions while holding a boundary of ending on time. Folks who have additional questions will most likely approach you after to keep the conversation going if need be.

 

So there you have it! Seven tips to get you started on your professional conference journey! If you find yourself wanting additional support when crafting your talk, consider a professional consultation with a public speaking coach or colleague who has demonstrated success in these spaces. I am happy to be a resource to you for this purpose. If you are ready to craft an impactful, energizing conference presentation, I invite you to schedule a professional consultation with me here.

Cathartic Response to Anxiety Overload

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How familiar are you with your body’s response to anxiety? Perhaps you already know the symptoms of how your body shows you that you’re feeling anxious. Symptoms like elevated heart rate, sweaty palms, flushed face, clammy skin, muscle tension, tension headaches, shallow breathing, uncontrolled worry, rumination, and more. Mild anxiety can serve as a motivator to ease our discomfort by spurring us into action. But what about when it becomes unbearable? An anxiety attack. An 8 our of 10 on the discomfort scale?  As humans, we can only sustain this level of discomfort for so long. Our bodies want to express or expel the discomfort to get back to our baseline of functioning, most easily accessed through cathartic release. Let’s take a look at some predictable choices the body has for cathartic release to return to baseline.

 

1.     Crying. Although clients may feel apologetic or uncomfortable with their own tears, it’s not uncommon for them to report feeling better or at least more neutral after a really good cry. This cathartic release is a common option their body chooses when feeling high levels of anxiety, with or without their consent. As therapists, we can support them in identifying safe spaces for crying if they feel uncomfortable with the expression or have a childhood chalked full of messages saying they shouldn’t cry. Therapeutically, crying can be a healthy outlet for anxiety.

2.     Screaming. Have you heard of scream therapy? Children have been encouraged to scream to regulate their little bodies. Adults may embrace this outlet on rollercoasters or a well-insulated car or soft pillow. As another expression of expelling strong emotions, it can be effective under the right conditions.

3.     Orgasm. Underrated yet effective! This is a more challenging cathartic release because of the blocks to libido and sexual arousal that can occur in states of high anxiety, especially in women. Yet the benefits of orgasm have been documented, including relaxation, more youthful appearance, and of course, stress relief!

4.     Comfort in Food. Have you noticed times where you are feeling stressed or anxious and crave comfort food? This is the body’s response to elevated cortisol levels, also known as stress hormones. When cortisol levels spike, we crave fatty or sugary foods. Seeking foods we enjoy can also be an emotional response to stress, such as seeking dopamine, the “feel good” hormone to feel happier or using food to fill the void of needs that remain unmet.

5.     Exercise/Movement. This is a cathartic release that is often found low on our coping list because of the assumption that we need to go to a gym to exercise. However, exercise is all about movement which increases oxygen intake and blood flow, both of which help us feel less anxious. Imagine being able to trick your brain from recognizing an elevated heart rate as an anxiety attack to an elevated heart rate due to movement or exercise? Not only does working our muscles give us some relief, the pleasant sensation of tired muscles or a loose, jelly-like feeling to our limbs after intentional exercise can be an enjoyable sensation after the discomfort of anxiety. Movement also serves to increase our breath, which can be a strategic response to anxiety which tends to make our breathing shallow and strained at our lungs instead of deep, restorative breaths at our belly.

Now that you’ve explored five possible cathartic release options to strong emotions including anxiety, which are you most likely to choose? Is there one outlet you’ve forgotten that deserves some experimentation to see how it works for you? As you can imagine, not all of these cathartic release tools are options depending on being in the community versus being at home. Yet in the therapy space, these outlets are seen as tools that can serve as homework to try, gathering data on what works best for your body in response to elevated anxiety you want to shift.

Some Workaholism Wins in Motherhood

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Let me be clear, workaholism is not the goal. In fact, workaholism was the reason for my professional burnout in 2016-2018 and very nearly a second round in 2020 in response to the uncertainty of the pandemic. Yet as I continue to reflect on how things have changed for me as a new mom with a now five month old, I find myself grateful for some of things that workaholism has taught me. Although stressful, painful and bad for my health, in some ways I feel workaholism prepared me for the challenges of being a mom! Here’s what I mean:

 

1)    Waking at 3am: Whether I found myself wide awake at 3am with a new creative, entrepreneurial idea or waking up at 3am to feed the baby, I’ve found that it hasn’t been nearly as painful to be awake at this early hour. It’s almost like my creative wakings were a rehearsal for the important job of handling odd hours as a mom.

2)    Embracing Flexibility: As a Type-A person, flexibility isn’t always my strong suit. But being an entrepreneur has taught me to be flexible, changing up routines and pivoting to add projects and ideas to keep my brain engaged. This same flexibility is something I had to call upon as a new mom who was learning her daughter’s wants and needs. Planned a lunch but the baby tells me it’s time to go home? I go! Wanted to watch a movie and got interrupted? We try again another time. Hoping to get some work done but she wakes early from her nap. We pivot! Flexibility is a must in motherhood.

3)    Setting up Systems: Workaholism for many is about fitting in lots of work projects and thinking about work 24/7. Although I don’t recommend this level of hustle for anyone, the constant mental energy directed towards my business led me to discover systems and tools to keep things running smoothly. Why does this matter? When on maternity leave, this allowed me the privilege of taking quality time with my baby and still having my business running, mostly without me. Without systems in place, this would have been a lot more stressful to manage on minimal hours of sleep.

 

On the flip side, what has motherhood taught me about workaholism?

4)    Downtime is Good: Taking time to rest, cuddle my baby, and take a nap are all good for creativity. It’s important to be bored and let our minds wander once in awhile. I felt my creativity coming back on maternity leave about halfway through and attribute it to downtime where the baby was sleeping on me and there was no work I wanted to do or could do. Enter new ideas and goals for the future!

5)    Work-Life Balance is Better: We all strive for work-life balance but how do we know if we’ve achieved it? I’ve been pleasantly surprised at my shift from working all the time to working enough to meet my business needs and nothing more. This allows me to have quality time with my baby while not adding too much financial stress. I couldn’t do this for myself in my burnout, but it’s been easy to do when thinking about how much I want to be there for my daughter.

6)    It’s a Different Flavor: Don’t get me wrong, like most moms, I don’t get the luxury of sitting around and doing nothing in working less hours with clients. The demanding work hours are still present, just a different flavor. It’s a flavor composed of meeting an infant’s needs and attempting to still get other functioning things done like laundry and emails. I’ve added to my stress plate in some ways, and taken away from it in others. It’s a balancing act that’s constantly evolving as my daughter grows.

 

Can you relate? Just a few musings on workaholism and motherhood. Although I don’t wish workaholism on anyone, I have found gratitude in my experience, including being thankful for the things it has taught me at this stage in my life. What has workaholism taught you? You too may find yourself pleasantly surprised at the unexpected gifts it reveals!

Stopping the Steamroll

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We’ve all been there. Talking down to ourselves, allowing our inner critic to drive, or letting imposter syndrome win. I felt all that and more as my baby cried for an agonizing sixty minutes. I’d gone through the new parent checklist. Hungry? No. Wet? Nope. Tired? Not really. Too hot? Maybe? It was another 6pm witching hour and I felt helpless as she cried. A helplessness that was made worse by my inability to fix things when I usually feel somewhat capable.

 

Motherhood is different. Thankfully my daughter tired herself out and reset her little body through a nap in the soothing vibrations of her bouncy chair (thank goodness). The sudden absence of scream-crying allowed me to reset too, which had me wondering if the same strategies I’ve used with driven professionals could help me reset after a challenging time with an infant.

 

Such as how do we stop the steamroll? I originally described stopping the steamroll related to productivity, workaholism, and desires for control in my book Perfectioneur: From Workaholic to Well-Balanced. I highlighted how driven professionals may steamroll over internal and external warning signs of poor work-life balance and burnout or even steamroll over others for a sense of control. But what about when the steamroll happens in our own heads? The negative thought spiral that says we’re stupid, horrible, or not good enough? I knew I needed to revisit my strategies to stop the steamroll after the difficult evening with my 2-month-old. Let’s look at “the Four R’s” together.

 

Strategy #1: Rest

I found myself sitting in the quiet after her witching hour. I could have distracted myself with food, chores, or my phone. But instead I allowed myself to take a few breaths and just notice what my body and mind were doing. My body was trying to bring my shoulders down from around my ears. My mind was trying to find an explanation for why my daughter struggled this evening. For you, rest may be sitting still, gentle walking, or intentional stretching in a quiet place. After so much stimulation, I welcomed the cool and quiet of my room to finally rest as my baby slept. Bringing the body to rest allows us to start the reset process.

 

Strategy #2: Reframe

The more I talk with other parents, the more I realize I’m not alone in having a baby who fusses sometimes. To have the witching hour confirmed as something other parents experience was immensely affirming. Now that we were out of the most current witching hour episode, I knew I wanted to reframe the situation to avoid setting up camp with my inner critic. After all, she’s pretty harsh. So instead of allowing my critic to repeat how inept of a parent I am, I reframed the situation as another learning experience. Statements like, ‘I’m still learning about my daughter, she’ll 11 weeks old. I can do this. She’s safe, I’m safe.’  What reframes do you need in the face of stress?

 

Strategy #3: Reinforce

Once I reframed the situation, I wanted to put energy towards the more positive statements. I wanted to reinforce the good over the bad. Reinforcing can happen through bilateral tapping or mindful walking. It could be sharing your experience with others and practicing the reframe out loud. I found myself turning to fellow mothers who understand the difficulties of a baby’s witching hour and shared my reframes with them. Not only did this help me feel connected, the reinforcement allowed me to access gratitude and self-compassion in a tough situation.

 

Strategy #4: Restore

The last piece of the stopping the steamroll puzzle is to restore. To get back to square one. What energizes, invigorates, and restores you? In my motherhood example, restoring meant bonding with my daughter and engaging in pleasant activities to remove the spotlight on challenging moments. It meant cuddling and walks together in the sunshine. It meant finding reasons to laugh instead of cry. It meant making new memories and getting some sleep.

 

Whatever your stressor, know that steamrolling doesn’t have to be your first response. We can stop the steamroll and quiet our inner critics together. The four R’s helped me find more laughs than tears in motherhood. The same could apply to other stressors in your life. It’s not perfect, but I’m right there alongside you! We are doing our best and that’s enough.

Dear Workaholic Mothers

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I see you. Motherhood is a different flavor of workaholism. It caught me by surprise. It’s a workaholism where society normalizes sleep deprivation, never having time to yourself, constantly being touched, and being overwhelmed by tasks. It’s made lighter by saying you are successful if you get to brush your teeth and take a shower each day. Knowing these things, I did my best to prepare for a significant change, however the lived experience of motherhood has brought some new perspective.


Perspective that came to me in a flood of tears. I was attempting to watch a movie with my spouse on a Sunday together when my mood tanked. As a therapist, of course I wanted to know why. As I sat with the heavy emotions, I recognized the feelings as familiar to my worst workaholic days. The feelings–and the thoughts that went with them–were all themed around not having enough time. Not enough time as a mother, time with my spouse, time to create as an entrepreneur, time to relax, and the list goes on. I found myself back in neuroticism about tracking time. When did my daughter last eat? What time do we need to get ready for bed? Do I have time for a nap? Can I find time for that phone call? What time will her witching hour start? Can I run that last errand before she loses it? 


Having to track time as a mom has triggered the unpleasant, familiar feeling of scarcity. Time scarcity. Which is wrapped up in a workaholism response for me and other driven individuals. Now the tears make sense! If I believe I have no time, would I feel forced to forgo quality time to work? Skip a much needed nap to create? Cram in a task out of a sense of urgency? Fixate on all the things I haven’t done in the day? This was new territory for me as someone who embraces structure in her day-to-day life, including nine wonderful hours of sleep a night and carving out time for writing and creativity each week. Alas, a baby doesn’t subscribe to that schedule. 


Luckily, I have a loving spouse who wishes to remain an involved parent and partner. So we started talking about the tears and what they represented, allowing me to gain even further clarity on how workaholic women can make motherhood work for them rather than our knee-jerk reaction to cram it all in.


Motherhood can be manageable if:


  • You aren’t isolated – The isolation of being alone with your child all day, every day is intimidating at first. Can isolation make postpartum anxiety and depression worse? Yes. How can you get out a couple times a week, like sitting outside, a walk around the neighborhood, or a drive where your baby can sleep?


  • You have help – Becoming a mom has given me an additional dose of respect for single parents. This job is hard! I’m grateful to have a support system that includes my spouse and family who love to spend time with my daughter. Who is in your support network? Embrace times where baby can be held or watched by others to allow moments of productivity, creating a welcomed mood boost for workaholics.

 

  • You focus on routines instead of schedules – Babies are constantly changing which means they don’t stick to a schedule, no matter how hard a workaholic mom tries. I, myself have learned to embrace routine over schedule. The routine might be to change a diaper, bathe my baby, and then feed my baby, but the timing of that is really dependent on her needs rather than the time on the clock each day.


  • You try to be flexible – This is a big ask for workaholics as we want to control everything! So flexibility might be being gentle with yourself when you’re running late, have to reschedule plans, or need to cancel a meeting for a nap that keeps you functioning.


  • You know your limits – Yes, even workaholics have limits. We want to cram it all in, even in motherhood. So what are your warning signs that you’ve overdone it? Do you find yourself more irritable? Clumsy? Fatigued? Take these cues into account as you plan your weeks so you can adjust accordingly.


  • You watch for the witching hour – Did you know your baby has a witching hour? I didn’t until I experienced it several days in a row at 6PM. After a day of stimulation where everything is new to your baby, they may just decide they’ve had enough at the end of the day. And by enough, I mean they lose it including crying, screaming, and being inconsolable at times. This is extremely tough when you too are tired and fatigued at the end of the day. To feel more prepared, I’ve announced to friends and family that we have to be home by 6PM from any event or gathering, at least for now. You too can set limits on socializing to be home for those routines that regulate your baby during the witching hour, such as limited sounds, smells and the dark and quiet of their room.


As a new mom, I know this is just the beginning of what I can only imagine is a steep learning curve. Yet I hope these thoughts will help other workaholics (or recovering workaholics) embrace motherhood from a place of wonder and curiosity. It’s an opportunity to stretch out of our comfort zones for the better. As driven individuals we can frame it as a challenge that helps us move into better work-life balance, if not for ourselves, then for our children. 


Challenge accepted.

Satisfactory Self-Disclosure

For many in mental health, self-disclosure is a point of disagreement. Do we self-disclose? Does self-disclosure make it more about us than our clients? Can it get us in trouble? I know my graduate program in counseling urged caution about self-disclosing for a variety of reasons, which were again reinforced by my first job in juvenile corrections. Messages were shared like, protect yourself! Listen, don’t talk! Disclosing could invalidate a client’s experience! Don’t do it! And so on.

 

Therefore it took me several years to see the value of self-disclosure in connecting with clients at a deeper level in their therapeutic work. For example, watching the disclosure help them relax, knowing they weren’t alone. Seeing them take a deep breath to know it isn’t just them. Having clients report they feel seen in receiving reassurance or validation. Witnessing these meaningful shifts, I can now admit I’m a fan of self-disclosure, within reason of course. There’s a time and place for self-disclosure that feels satisfactory to both us as providers and to our clients. Let’s take a look at some of the suggested structure of self-disclosure and how it can be beneficial in client work.

 

#1 Keep It Short

Keeping self-disclosure condensed to one or two sentences keeps us from oversharing.

Example: “Yes, I’ve experienced anxiety too.”

 

#2 Focus on Your Client

By holding the focus on your client, you avoid making the session feel more about you than them.

Example: “I’m curious, with my sharing of having experienced depression before, what does that mean to you and the work we can do together?”

 

#3 Identify the Purpose of Self-Disclosure

Before you decide to disclose, slow down to ask yourself what the purpose of the disclosure is. Is it to build rapport? Provider reassurance? Validate or normalize? These are worthwhile reasons to self-disclose, as opposed to feeling like we have an agenda, a point to prove, or we are oversharing with no therapeutic direction to go.

Example: “In working with other clients with social anxiety, they found being able to talk about it brought them some comfort. How is it for you?”

 

#4 Check in

Once you’ve self-disclosed, check in on how it landed for the client. Notice any shifts in their face or body language that would indicate their current level of comfort. Recognize if they shift to caregiving you or keeping the focus on your experience instead of their own. Ask them outright if the self-disclosure was okay with them.

 

It’s also important to see how the self-disclosure landed for you. Did it feel natural? Worthwhile? Did you find yourself worrying that you shared too much? Perhaps you recognize that you self-disclose with this client more than others in liking them or seeing them more like a friend. These are important elements to notice and track through supervision and consultation to maintain a healthy therapeutic relationship.

 

Self-disclosure can enrich your therapeutic work when embraced and applied thoughtfully. It can help a client open up, build trust, or show up more authentically in session. It can also isolate or discount a client’s experience when used too liberally or when it comes out in a way that minimizes their experience. Therefore I hope these tips can help you identify the sweet spot for self-disclosure in your own work, embracing it when it feels right and holding boundaries to keep the focus on your client and their growth as the top priority in therapy.

Setting Up Services: Supervision versus Consultation

Photo by Magnet.me on Unsplash

When thinking about services you want to offer in your business, it’s not unusual to explore offering both consultation and supervision as part of your mental health leadership. In fact, it’s a common question I get when supporting fellow supervisors and leaders who are building their brands as professionals. So let’s take a look at the opportunities and differences between consultation and supervision as you consider offering these valuable services in your work with others.

 

Clinical Supervision can be defined as a licensed mental health professional supervising an unlicensed or candidate mental health professional in their therapeutic work as they pursue licensure. Some things to note:

·      Supervision must be scheduled regularly per your licensing board

·      Supervision requires contract of expectations for both supervisor and supervisee

·      Supervision comes with liability for the licensed professional taking on an unlicensed professional until they achieve their own licensure

 

Professional Consultation can be defined as a written and/or verbal agreement to provide insight, suggestions, and resources to a colleague who is paying for your expertise. Some things to note:

·      Consultation can be scheduled as a one-and-done or as needed basis

·      Instead of a contract, there is a written agreement about the parameters of consultation including fees, duration, and specialities the consultant can speak to.

·      Consultation, as a professional service, has reduced liability similar to paying for a product. The consumer—in this case a colleague—agrees to a fee for your knowledge and expertise to support their goals.

 

So how can this look different when a fellow mental health professional outreaches you?

 

Consultation requests may sound like:

·      Can I pick your brain about building a group private practice?

·      Can I schedule consultation with you on a client’s OCD presentation and next steps?

·      Can we find a time to talk about suicide prevention resources in Colorado?

·      I’d like to staff a case with a recent DV incident, how do I schedule with you?

 

Supervision requests may sound like:

·      I’m seeking a supervisor who specializes in EMDR and Play Therapy

·      I’m looking for a supervisor who can support my clinical work outside of my agency that offers admin supervision only

·      I’m searching for a LAC supervisor to sign off on my hours

·      I’ve recently graduated and am seeking a supervisor as a I start private practice

 

Although an evaluation of appropriateness of supervision vs. consultation is encouraged at every outreach, knowing the context of what you can offer is a valuable first step when receiving an inquiry from your community. I hope this brief exploration of the differences in what you offer under each umbrella can help you in setting up your services with confidence!

Building Secondary income streams as burnout prevention